Why are So Many Horse People...Jerks? - Page 5 - The Horse Forum
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post #41 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 08:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhunter View Post
I find it both sad and annoying when people have only bad or negative things to say. To me it borders on rudeness and certainly isn't any help to man nor beast.

I was brought up with the old saying, 'Sticks and stones might break my bones but names can never harm me.' I learned to ignore nasty words and look for the positive.

I have never been able to run and when others at school started nastily teasing me I would just say, "Gives you all something to laugh about!" As it had no effect on me they stopped the bullying.

All to often when nasty words do hurt, the perpetrators take it further. So sad they haven't better things to do.
Being nasty and ugly to other people often helps the bullies feel better about their own miserable lives and insecurities
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post #42 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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It's funny to me how everyone is talking about how they might administer advice and why they might do it.

I'm new to horses, so, in person at least, I am happy to get advice any way I can. I'm eager to learn and usually haven't heard it before, so it's easy for me to ignore rudeness or arrogance when it's face to face.

What's interesting to me is how "proactive" horse people seem to want to be on line. "If I see something (fill in the blank), I feel obligated to speak up." I think that works fine with people when you are standing right in front of them. You can read their response and change your approach to get your message across.

In writing, this approach fails every time. That's why I never...ever... offer unsolicited advice online...never. If someone asks a question and I think I can help, I answer as directly as possible the question that was asked...and nothing else.

The way I see it, this is a golden rule thing. I'm not interested in unsolicited advice, so I try not to ever give any. Since that is my perspective, and the way that I want to be treated, getting a bunch of unsolicited advice is kind of irritating. Getting rude and unprofessional advice from total strangers who don't know anything about the situation except what I have told them?...really gets to me.

I know it shouldn't. Maybe it's a phase or something. We'll see
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post #43 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 12:58 PM
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If you post something publicly, expect to get comments. Whether or not those comments are considered helpful is often based on how the OP perceives them, not that they're particularly rude or abrasive. I'm also well aware that sometimes commenting is deliberately rude and abrasive, and designed only to irritate the OP.


The people who really frost my tuna are the ones who specifically ask for opinions, then get mad when the advice doesn't fit their preconceived notions of what they wanted to hear. Too many people are looking for validation, not actual advice.


I'm not going to throw butterflies and rainbows at you if you need a swift kick to your common sense. Horses are big, powerful animals and can be dangerous. I'd rather no one, human or animal, get hurt because of ignorance and arrogance.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
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post #44 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhunter View Post
I find it both sad and annoying when people have only bad or negative things to say. To me it borders on rudeness and certainly isn't any help to man nor beast.

I was brought up with the old saying, 'Sticks and stones might break my bones but names can never harm me.' I learned to ignore nasty words and look for the positive.

I have never been able to run and when others at school started nastily teasing me I would just say, "Gives you all something to laugh about!" As it had no effect on me they stopped the bullying.

All to often when nasty words do hurt, the perpetrators take it further. So sad they haven't better things to do.
Would that this old adage was true. Names do generally hurt, a lot. So does being shunned, bullied, denigrated, or verbally tormented. I know some people have thick skins and it doesn't matter to them what people say but I wouldn't say that's the norm.
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post #45 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 02:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carp614 View Post
It's funny to me how everyone is talking about how they might administer advice and why they might do it.

I'm new to horses, so, in person at least, I am happy to get advice any way I can. I'm eager to learn and usually haven't heard it before, so it's easy for me to ignore rudeness or arrogance when it's face to face.

What's interesting to me is how "proactive" horse people seem to want to be on line. "If I see something (fill in the blank), I feel obligated to speak up." I think that works fine with people when you are standing right in front of them. You can read their response and change your approach to get your message across.

In writing, this approach fails every time. That's why I never...ever... offer unsolicited advice online...never. If someone asks a question and I think I can help, I answer as directly as possible the question that was asked...and nothing else.

The way I see it, this is a golden rule thing. I'm not interested in unsolicited advice, so I try not to ever give any. Since that is my perspective, and the way that I want to be treated, getting a bunch of unsolicited advice is kind of irritating. Getting rude and unprofessional advice from total strangers who don't know anything about the situation except what I have told them?...really gets to me.

I know it shouldn't. Maybe it's a phase or something. We'll see
As others have pointed out, something happens to people when they feel they are anonymous, as we all tend to feel online whether we are or not. Kind of like, the judgements you may keep in your head in real life just come tapping out your fingers. You really need to allow for that, and as has been suggested, disable comments on videos, or just post them in strictly moderated forums like this one -- which won't stop everything but generally people do try hard to play by the rules.

On youtube there are no moderators and no rules. A dangerous place.

Short horse lover
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post #46 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 02:39 PM
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in theory, we aren't supposed to offer unsolicited advice on a forum. but, in reality, if we only gave up advice or offered our perspective (which is often coming from many more years of experience than the other person's) when directly and specifically invited to do so, then we'd have very little conversation happening on the forum. how dull would that be?

why else post here, if you aren't interested in what other people think ?
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post #47 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 04:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Avna View Post
Would that this old adage was true. Names do generally hurt, a lot. So does being shunned, bullied, denigrated, or verbally tormented. I know some people have thick skins and it doesn't matter to them what people say but I wouldn't say that's the norm.

I totally agree with you. The bullying trend is way out of hand. It has always been around but not to the extent of modern day.

You will not get a bigger bully than me - if I see someone being bullied than I am right there! I will bully the bullies like they never thought of. Get me in a hissy fit and watch out!
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post #48 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 04:30 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by tinyliny View Post
in theory, we aren't supposed to offer unsolicited advice on a forum. but, in reality, if we only gave up advice or offered our perspective (which is often coming from many more years of experience than the other person's) when directly and specifically invited to do so, then we'd have very little conversation happening on the forum. how dull would that be?

why else post here, if you aren't interested in what other people think ?
See in this post, as the OP, I totally agree with Tinyliny
I asked the question because I wanted to see if anyone else sees what I am seeing. Like a sanity check. And it totally worked. Everyone has opinions and everyone is being pretty straightforward about it.

I can honestly admit that I was nave about the whole thing. I had such a strong...essentially life changing...reaction to spending time with these animals that I assumed what was happening to me was happening to everyone else. I didn't think about it at the time, but I guess that led me to believe that folks would be exclusively welcoming and friendly and encouraging...super nave and i'm pretty embarrassed that I thought that now that I see it in writing. I ought to know better.

As for me, I do react strongly when I put something out there that is sensitive and kind of personal to me and it gets picked at...especially if I didn't see it coming. I ought to know better.

It's clearly best to just let it go and move on, but sometimes that's easier said than done, isn't it?
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post #49 of 74 Old 01-11-2017, 04:51 PM
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but, your intense passion is what endeared your to folks here. we mostly had that experience ourselves, some in the lightening bolt way that you did, and some in the slow ember growing to flames way.
But, over time, the reality of things, like the reality of the dangers of working with a very large animal, and the awareness that where we once thought we knew it all, we now KNOW that there is more unknown to us still than there is learned, so far, . . . these evolutions change a person a bit. yeah, maybe one gets a bit jaded. so, hearing your innocent, naive expression of passion was really thrilling. it brings back faint memories of how I felt . . . . some 18 years ago, when I got back into horses as a 40 year old housewife who had buried her passion for horses under dishes and diapers for years.
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post #50 of 74 Old 01-12-2017, 03:11 AM
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Originally Posted by carp614 View Post
What's interesting to me is how "proactive" horse people seem to want to be on line. "If I see something (fill in the blank), I feel obligated to speak up." ...
In writing, this approach fails every time. That's why I never...ever... offer unsolicited advice online...never.
I so disagree with you there. Of course, there can be misunderstandings, 'prickly' ways of saying things, online as in person. Due to lack of detail, tone of voice, bodylanguage, etc, etc, it is definitely more difficult to convey meanings accurately just from the written word. It is more open to assumptions & interpretations than speaking face to face. IMO most 'arguments' come about on this forum from misunderstandings.

But when it's worded respectfully, when people understand & admit that there can be misunderstandings, assumptions which may be wrong... what's the real difference between online or otherwise?? If you take advice any way you can, but you ignore any (unasked for) opinions from the net, then I think you're shutting off a valuable 'channel' of info. I have personally learned a lot from different opinions on the net, learned to recognise stuff that may have completely gone unseen, if it weren't pointed out by someone here.

So... 'unsolicited' advice, be it in person or online can be incredibly valuable, and if you don't recognise you have a problem or what it is, you're never going to 'solicit' advice on it, are you?

Quote:
getting a bunch of unsolicited advice is kind of irritating. Getting rude and unprofessional advice from total strangers who don't know anything about the situation except what I have told them?...really gets to me.
Of course, there are the odd intentionally rude people, there are those who just can't seem to help themselves... but I believe the vast majority of people that want to comment genuinely want to help, and that attitude strikes me as a little... uncharitable. Of course, each to his own & you're entitled to it though. I can't help wondering though, why are you participating on a horse forum with that attitude though??
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