Why are So Many Horse People...Jerks? - Page 6 - The Horse Forum
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post #51 of 74 Old 01-12-2017, 12:17 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loosie View Post
I can't help wondering though, why are you participating on a horse forum with that attitude though??
It depends on the nature of the participation. For example, in this thread I asked a direct question. Clearly, in this case, I am asking for opinions and my intention is to take all comers without judgement. I'm perfectly fine with that, because that is what I was after in this post. I'm not bothered by anything posted, because that is what I asked for.

But let's say I post a video just because I feel like sharing a cool video with people who might think it's cool. Let's also say I specifically avoid asking any questions beyond something like, "does anyone want to adopt this guy?" Because I am not looking for advice of any kind in that particular post. And let's say instead of getting comments like "cool video" I get a bunch of snarky comments about how the OP is an idiot and a moron for treating the horse that way (like what happened on another horse forum), how the horse's gear is wrong, how the horse's confirmation sucks, how the rider's technique sucks, how the video sucks, etc.

That is the sort of unsolicited advice I personally think people should just keep to themselves. I would never give that kind of advice because 1) I know how inexperienced I am with horses, 2) there are more schools of thought on the "right way" to do something than I can count and 3) I think it's rude and not how I would want to be treated.
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post #52 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 02:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Foxhunter View Post
whereas people went to a riding school to learn to ride and learned on a great varieties of animals, now more and more people have a few lessons, get their own horse and forget the lessons.
This is an interesting thought! I can't comment on whether or not the prevalence of a riding school education has declined or not (I'm not old enough to have a big enough sample size, lol), but I do feel like owners can be split into two different groups: "serious" owners that take frequent lessons and "casual" owners that don't take lessons at all (couldn't think of better words, don't mean to imply they differ in dedication). Not sure one is better than the other, I think they're just different types of people.

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Originally Posted by Zexious View Post
My thought process is this: don't critique/help unless it's asked for.
I appreciate this outlook. As someone that just got my horse four months ago, I really hate it when people try to preach at me when I haven't asked any questions. I don't think it's fair to force your outside opinion on someone when you don't know them personally and you don't know their situation. I'm in lessons, I have a trainer, I don't anyone to critique my riding when I'm still trying to figure things out for myself, you know? It's different if I ask.

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Originally Posted by loosie View Post
So... 'unsolicited' advice, be it in person or online can be incredibly valuable, and if you don't recognise you have a problem or what it is, you're never going to 'solicit' advice on it, are you?
I also agree with this, though! Once I've opened myself up for input, I don't mind if anyone offers other, related advice. I posted up a thread about bit advice a couple of days ago (I'm thinking of switching my gelding out of the loose ring snaffle he's in right now) and along with a lot of really good input about bits, I also got some added advice about the placement of my figure 8 noseband (and the possibility of switching back to a regular cavesson). I like it when things like that happen!

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Originally Posted by carp614 View Post
In writing, this approach fails every time.
I think everyone could benefit from 1.) assuming all comments come from a place of goodwill, and 2.) rereading their posts as if they were the one receiving the advice before they post them. I definitely don't think online communication is automatically doomed, though.
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post #53 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 03:21 AM
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With giving unsolicited advice it is how it is offered.

I do not go in this guns blazing, it is far more conversational. I don't think I have ever been told to clear off. If someone comes in saying, "Hey, stop shoving your legs forward and raise your hands." Offence should be taken. If someone says, "Try bringing your leg back under you, you might find it easier and raise your hands a tad." It is taken as helpful because the rider hasn't been made to feel useless.

I do know that the more experienced rider will appreciate advice from someone knowledgeable on the ground if it makes sense. My niece, when about twelve, was watching me jumping a horse. He had a fence down and I didn't know why, she immediately said that as he had come around the corner he had slipped a bit tithe a back leg, I was jumping at a 45 degree angle to the rails. I hadn't felt it, did it again and kept him more balanced and all was fine. She had seen what I never felt even though she was a novice.
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post #54 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 04:50 AM
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I totally agree with you. The bullying trend is way out of hand. It has always been around but not to the extent of modern day.

Can't say I agree with that. As someone who was bullied severely as a kid, and saw a heap of others bullied... by teachers, not just other kids, from what I've seen these days, schools at least are way more 'proactive' against bullying these days, and people generally are far more 'politically correct' & afraid to offend(to pedantic, ridiculous extremes in many cases). Of course there will always be bullies, but they're generally more recognised, called out & IME NOT as common these days as 'way back when'.
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post #55 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 06:40 AM
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Sorry, I didn't read all the posts. But I have a simple answer to your question: many horse people don't care about hurting your feelings because horse people like horses better than people. Personally, I find that rather comforting. I'd rather someone be blunt with me for my horse's sake, even if it's going to be harsh, than sugar-coat things and let me do things that are bad for my horse. I guess I like horses better than people too.
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post #56 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 07:03 AM
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And yes, that video makes me cringe. And I've only had horses for a little over a year. I can understand why you got the responses you did.

Say you were into four-wheeling, or car racing, or sky-diving, and you saw someone doing things that you know are unsafe, would you respond that it's cool? If so, then this forum is probably not the right one for you.
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post #57 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 08:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Acadianartist View Post
Sorry, I didn't read all the posts. But I have a simple answer to your question: many horse people don't care about hurting your feelings because horse people like horses better than people. Personally, I find that rather comforting. I'd rather someone be blunt with me for my horse's sake, even if it's going to be harsh, than sugar-coat things and let me do things that are bad for my horse. I guess I like horses better than people too.
^^^^This. I have to pay for data usage, therefore I didn't watch the video; don't need to, just reading all the comments tells the story.

What I have done is read the OP's post several times. It is a rankling post, to be sure.

As Foxhunter has pointed out, HOW one says something sets the tone for how comments or help are received.

The OP set the tone to be received negatively by HOW you said what you said. By now you should be able to go back and read your own press in a less-biased manner and see the glaring issues with your word choices.

If we were talking in real life, eyeball-to-eyeball, you would get one of two responses from me, depending which side of the sawdust I woke up on:

1. You would either get face-Palmed while I rolled my eyes and walked away.
2. You would hear the wrath, until you turned and walked away.

You came in, with this thread, looking for commotion. I'm still debating whether or not you are a horse wannabe gnome, or whether you've had minimal experience with horses and enjoy posting questions that are geared toward heated debates only.

There are a lot of horsemen kindly replying and I tip my hat to them. Some have a lot of years experience and possess common sense, some of them have a few years experience and possess common sense.

Common sense goes a long way in handling horses --- hopefully you will one day get there-------

A Good Horseman Doesn't Have To Tell Anyone; The Horse Already Knows.

I CAN'T ride 'em n slide 'em. I HAVE to lead 'em n feed 'em Thnx cowchick77.
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post #58 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 08:57 AM
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I do not think that the OP was looking for commotion at all. I think ot was a genuine question from her personal experience.

I don't know how long ago the video was posted but it was obviously a novice rider trying her hardest to do the right thing without any help.

How people have responded really goes to prove the point that not all people are nice and understanding.
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post #59 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 09:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Foxhunter View Post
I do not think that the OP was looking for commotion at all. I think ot was a genuine question from her personal experience.

I don't know how long ago the video was posted but it was obviously a novice rider trying her hardest to do the right thing without any help.

How people have responded really goes to prove the point that not all people are nice and understanding.
Guess not.

I read the original post half dozen times, spread apart by days. The inference of the post is still offensive by choice of the written words.

Freedom of speech and thought are wonderful things ---- it allows us to stay on either side of the debate fence without facing a firing squad

A Good Horseman Doesn't Have To Tell Anyone; The Horse Already Knows.

I CAN'T ride 'em n slide 'em. I HAVE to lead 'em n feed 'em Thnx cowchick77.
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post #60 of 74 Old 01-13-2017, 10:57 AM
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^Yup.

For those posting now: OP wasn't lamenting about posts made on this forum, they were referencing comments that were made on Youtube. Huge difference.

I think, what it ultimately comes down to is this: those who feel entitled to, or are willing to, give unsolicited critique and those who are not. I think it likely has something to do with the person as an individual and I don't think this thread is going to give anyone an epiphany one way or the other. It won't convince someone to speak up when they see something they don't like, and it won't make someone hold their tongue when their opinion wasn't asked for.



I will comment on one thing I've seen again and again in the above from those who do exhibit this behavior: "No one has ever told me to 'shove off'..." That's called politeness. I would never tell someone to 'shove off' when I assume they're just trying to help. Instead I just smile and nod, thank them for their advice, and cringe inwardly.
Again, (when I was competing--this is all sort of moot point now, considering I have been unable to ride for the past few) I paid a trainer hundreds of dollars a month in training packages. If I wanted someone else's opinion, wouldn't some of that money be funneled to them? xD

The sensitivity of the internet baffles me.
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