I'm Angry Today. At my granbaby's dad.
I'm going to vent a little here, so bear with me.
Daughter is 21, a single mom. Granbaby will be one in 6 days. The Ex was daughters fiance-to-be. He's the one that every single one of our horses hated. He's the one old Superman tried to kill in a round pen, and was so angry with him, he threatened me and two other people for getting in the round pen with him that day.
None of them liked him. He made a hot mess out of Trigger and that's my fault for not seeing him for what he really is: An emotionally unstable young man with a small member and an enormous, ego, with easily wounded pride with hard hands and tendency to be absolutely vicious.
They saw him for what he is, and they were honest about it. They tried to tell me and everyone else about it and I didn't listen.
He has very little to do with his own daughter, my granbaby. He reluctantly but voluntarily pays child support. He is a lineman, he's somewhere several hours away, so he's gone most of the time. When he's 'in', he lies and says he isn't here so he won't be expected to keep or visit with his own infant daughter. He'd rather party with his bros. His father isn't a lot better than him, he's also a lineman. He likes to be grandpa when it's convenient and 'cool'. Stepmother has her hands full, she works full time, has a daughter with her current husband/babydaddy's dad, and an autistic son from a former marriage. Babydaddy's real mom lives in Plano in a high end gated community and sees baby as it's convenient and 'cool' for her. Daughter and baby have wisely moved back home with us so we can help with baby. Daughter goes to college and works full time. I have issues with her not wanting to give up the party life as well, but she's finally realizing she needs to grow up. I keep my foot on her neck and refuse to watch grandbaby so she can party. That's a hard no. Raise your kid.
This means my husband and I, the grandparents, and my parents, are the primary care givers.
We have a big family trip to Destin FL planned in May. We're taking grandbaby. Daughter can't go, she can't get off work. My parents are going, my son, and he is taking two friends (all three are 17), and my husband is going.
My parents, the baby, and I are leaving a day early, stopping at the halfway mark in Vicksburg MS, which is a 6 hour drive for us. I've traveled with babies and toddlers before - we took my son and daughter on many many road trips. It requires extra stops, I get it.
This morning daughter had him on facetime, talking to baby. She politely said: Oh yeah, mom and dad, mimi and papa, are going to take her to Florida next month for a few days.
All hell broke loose. He said some things I can't repeat here, not knowing I was sitting on the couch myself, having my coffee. Lots of F words were said, that we effing won't take HIS daughter ANYWHERE without his permission, blahblahblah. My husband was in our room, getting dressed for work and wasn't aware of this.
Ex talked to my daughter like she was an old dog. And she let him. My eyebrows crawled straight up my forehead. I've caught him verbally abusing my daughter before, and he didn't know I was listening then, and that's when they were dating. I called him out for it then. That's the first time I started seeing in him what I believe my horses knew about him already.
The ugly, abusive, belittling, cussing talk went on a little more, I finally uttered: I'll take my granddaughter anywhere I darn well choose. He mouthed off, I got up, felt it was best I walk away and cool off, but the more I thought about it, the more I heard him running his head, the angrier I got. I was shaking so hard my coffee was slopping out of a half-full cup.
I returned to the living room, told daughter to turn the phone around, told her I wanted a word with him, and returned fire in language just as coarse and low-brow as he was using. I made it clear, under no uncertain terms, would he talk to me or about me, my parents, or to my daughter, like that ever again. I also made it clear he hasn't earned the right to call the shots on how we're raising our own grandbaby. He has in no way been a daddy to her. I also told him his only chance in Hell of being allowed back on our property, since my husband banned him months ago, was me. I had hoped he would grow up, get some sense in his head, and would grow a pair, and come talk to us as a man, not mouth off on social media or continue to be so abusive to our daughter via phone. This morning proved I was wrong to hold out hope. I told him if I ever saw him on my place again in the future (As in, if he showed up personally) I would hand out a country butt whipping. And if he presumed to tell my father how HE was in charge and not us, my FATHER would hand out an old man country butt whipping.
This is a very glossed over rendition of what I actually said. What I actually said would shock and mortify the roughest sort of people. And I meant it. I wasn't bluffing. I meant every word of what I said to him. And he knows it. He tried to crawfish, but I blistered him good. I have spent my day in a fog of rage. I'm not a fighter by nature, but when my family, specifically kids or grandkid are threatened or abused, I react badly. That's when I come up swinging.
I've seen the worst side of this guy, and I'm disappointed, I'm angry, and most of all, I will not tolerate someone who has to make someone feel bad just to bolster their own fragile pride and inflated ego. Those are the worst of the worst, and that's the kind of guy that progresses from verbally abusing a woman to hitting her. It also scares me that he'll eventually want to be all up in grandbaby's life, and with that attitude, he'll treat her the same way someday. I will not see the joy in that baby's eyes snuffed out by a weak man who should have been her daddy, not just someone that sired her.
I'm venting here because this is somewhere that no one will be spreading it around town, gossiping about it, or running to him to show him what I've said. I don't air this sort of stuff out on social media, but I had to vent.
I'm going to have to have a Coming to Jesus talk with Daughter too. She talks a good talk, but when it comes time to display that she has a backbone, she won't. She's letting him treat her like this, and as long as she'll allow him to do this, he'll keep on with it and it will escalate. I understand she's still hurt over being left, over seeing him for what he really is, and she's doing her best to keep the peace with him, but enough. She has to grow a spine when it comes to the guys in her life, including the father of her baby, and she has to do it for her daughter's sake - even if she won't do it for herself.
I think I'm done venting. For the moment. I'm still beyond angry though. Smoulder rage, maybe even wrath, are good words for it.
"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us."