I'm Angry Today. At my granbaby's dad. - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 62 Old 02-25-2019, 09:35 PM
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Originally Posted by greentree View Post
women think they can “save” them, change them, make them whole again.
Saw something on Facebook that went something like this:

If he's not wearing diapers,
You can't change him.

Truth.

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post #22 of 62 Old 02-25-2019, 10:07 PM
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Originally Posted by AtokaGhosthorse View Post
I was in the kitchen, doing dishes and had dinner on. He was in the living room, sitting in Hub's recliner. Daughter was BIG pregnant, sitting on the couch. He was yaking about something, she gave him an absent Uh Huh... sure... and I heard him SNAP his fingers at her, super loud, and say: You better effing be looking at ME when I'm talking to you.
I would have told him "You better be effing careful for what you wish for, my aim is better when I'm looking". I guess that comes with age.


She's young so it's hard to be mean like that even when someones being mean to you. I used to be like that when I was younger. Now, no second chances when someone wants to act like that. I don't care how sorry they are.

There will be only one of you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.
Coffee is my spirit animal

Last edited by LoriF; 02-25-2019 at 10:23 PM.
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post #23 of 62 Old 02-25-2019, 10:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamcatcher Arabians View Post
Saw something on Facebook that went something like this:

If he's not wearing diapers,
You can't change him.

Truth.
Ha ha, I"m going to remember that one.
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There will be only one of you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.
Coffee is my spirit animal
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post #24 of 62 Old 02-26-2019, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by LoriF View Post
I would have told him "You better be effing careful for what you wish for, my aim is better when I'm looking". I guess that comes with age.


She's young so it's hard to be mean like that even when someones being mean to you. I used to be like that when I was younger. Now, no second chances when someone wants to act like that. I don't care how sorry they are.
I think people like him count on the shock and the hurt it causes for that behavior to work in their favor. Then over time, it becomes routine, and it gradually escalates. It never worked on me, I was very... reactive.... when challenged like that. I still am. My husband famously says he'd never try that with me because at some point - he has to sleep.

I know this is thread drift but.... I will never forget working at a small, local burger joint in HS and college, my boss was a 1st Responder. We're at work, the shift was usually small and that day it was just he and I. His pager went off, a medical emergency just blocks away. He wasn't a 1st Responder for THAT town, the one 'next door', but given the close proximity and the local group's poor history on response times, he went anyway.

After the ambulance and come and gone, he returned. He was chuckling his fool head off.

He said the house they'd been called to was occupied by two 80s year olds - husband and wife. Wife showed signs of previous facial injuries. HUSBAND was tied hand and foot to the bed.

She had tied him spread eagle, hands and feet, to the bed while he was passed out drunk. She'd shuffled outside, filed a white cotton tube sock full of gravel from the driveway.... had calmly shuffled back inside... and commenced to wuppin him with that sock full of rocks. She didn't quit until he was screaming for mercy. Then she called the Sheriff's office (We didn't have 911 at the time) and said: I was tired of that SOB beating me! He's beat me for 60 years and I've had enough of him! Take me to jail!

They didn't take her to jail btw. The did take HIM to the hospital though. Best we know, he never touched her again, for however long they had left to live a natural life.

"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us."
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post #25 of 62 Old 02-26-2019, 10:31 AM
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Originally Posted by AtokaGhosthorse View Post

We refused. Uhm. No. You don't get to volunteer then bail when it's not as fun as you thought it would be. Daughter was in tears, tickets non-refundable, will Mimi or Papa (My nearly 70 year old parents) come get her.

No. Texas Granma needs to get a dose of being a grandma, not a grandma when it's fun and cool and convenient.

Our children usually do the "if they cry or they're being difficult just call and we'll come get them". Um, no. I raised you just fine and you weren't perfect, so I'm pretty sure I can handle your child without you intervening. Of course, most of the time, they act better for us than they do for their parents.


I'm sure it is confusing for the baby since she doesn't spend that much time with her father or his family. But, if they stick around, even just a little, unfortunately she'll have to get somewhat used to it.
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post #26 of 62 Old 02-26-2019, 10:49 AM
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@AtokaGhosthorse All I can say is "Words don't teach"

My sister passed away back in 2005. Her daughters were 18, 16, and 14. I pretty much became mom when that happened.

It was pretty traumatic for them as my sister was young (43) and the middle girl came home from school and found her mom drowned in the pool. She had a seizure and no one was home to save her. The girl just held her mom up above water screaming until the neighbor jumped the fence and helped pull her out but she was already gone. I'll have to say that this was not there first trauma in life by any means but I don't really want to go into all of that. It was the worst.

Now, I didn't finish raising them because their dad stepped in complete with the evil stepmother. I'm going to be gentle on him because he did love them very much and still does but he just didn't know how to be a dad, he wanted to continue being there friend like he always had been. Then add the evil stepmother into the mix. Nothing against stepmothers as my own stepmom was the best ever and I still love her tremendously. They were at my house quite a bit throughout this time but not living here.

When the SSI stopped for them, they were asked to leave and guess where they came? Of course, Aunti Lori.

They have all gone through their trials and tribulations and in and out of this house so many times I've lost count. One after the other they have all finally found a place in life where they are happy and content. It feels good to see all three of them doing well, finally. Only in hind sight have they said to me that they should have listened or I was right.

To be honest, if they had it all to do over again, they still wouldn't listen to me because "Words don't teach"

There will be only one of you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.
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post #27 of 62 Old 02-26-2019, 10:52 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Kriva View Post
Our children usually do the "if they cry or they're being difficult just call and we'll come get them". Um, no. I raised you just fine and you weren't perfect, so I'm pretty sure I can handle your child without you intervening. Of course, most of the time, they act better for us than they do for their parents.


I'm sure it is confusing for the baby since she doesn't spend that much time with her father or his family. But, if they stick around, even just a little, unfortunately she'll have to get somewhat used to it.

You know, I've had SO many people I know and like approach me and ask what it's like, us being grandparents and I can be so excited about all the fun things - especially NOW that she's 1 (Tomorrow!) and getting so animated, but also very interactive, she's just so darn fun to be around, and such a happy child - and someone will always invariably say:

I LOVE being a grandma/grandpa! I can load them up on sugar and send them home! or When they get sick or cranky, I can send them home! or I get to have fun with them, then send them home.


The implication being when kids are tired, cranky, need a bath, need a nap, need their britches changed, when they're teething, sick, or generally unpleasant, just send them home.


I don't get that mentality. I'm maybe sounding judgy here, but no one in my family is like this. My husband's grandparents and great grandparents helped raise him. My greats were of the Nothing to do with Me variety and very elderly anyway by the time I came along, so I wasn't close to them, or my mother's parents because they were estranged and lived in other states... but dad's parents? They helped raise my brother and I, and they didn't bail when it was time to roll up sleeves and do work. My parents are right there helping with grandbaby now.



We're not bailing and shoving her off on someone else ourselves just because it's inconvenient or she's teething and puking. We plan our date nights around daughter's schedule, we give her a heads up if we're going to be gone a long weekend so she can find a sitter and make work arrangements... the BABY is our first consideration, and everything else revolves around raising her, not fobbing her off when we're tired or she's crabby.


I don't get Grandparents at Convenience. Part of me says: Must be nice; part of me is glad to be passing down the legacy of love and Stick it Out I inherited from my own Ma and Pa.
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post #28 of 62 Old 02-26-2019, 10:56 AM Thread Starter
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@LoriF - you are absolutely right. I still have to have a talk with her, I want her to know this isn't right, to let him treat her like this, and that for her daughter's sake, she needs to step up and be brave, but at the end of the day, I can't change her mind or make her do anything. She's going to have to learn.


In the meantime, if she won't be an advocate and strong female role model for my granddaughter, I damn sure will be. My husband, my son, and my dad are having to be her strong male role models, so yep. I'll step into the female role, and honestly my mother, for all her oddities, can too.
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post #29 of 62 Old 02-26-2019, 11:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtokaGhosthorse View Post
You know, I've had SO many people I know and like approach me and ask what it's like, us being grandparents and I can be so excited about all the fun things - especially NOW that she's 1 (Tomorrow!) and getting so animated, but also very interactive, she's just so darn fun to be around, and such a happy child - and someone will always invariably say:

I LOVE being a grandma/grandpa! I can load them up on sugar and send them home! or When they get sick or cranky, I can send them home! or I get to have fun with them, then send them home.


The implication being when kids are tired, cranky, need a bath, need a nap, need their britches changed, when they're teething, sick, or generally unpleasant, just send them home.


I don't get that mentality. I'm maybe sounding judgy here, but no one in my family is like this. My husband's grandparents and great grandparents helped raise him. My greats were of the Nothing to do with Me variety and very elderly anyway by the time I came along, so I wasn't close to them, or my mother's parents because they were estranged and lived in other states... but dad's parents? They helped raise my brother and I, and they didn't bail when it was time to roll up sleeves and do work. My parents are right there helping with grandbaby now.



We're not bailing and shoving her off on someone else ourselves just because it's inconvenient or she's teething and puking. We plan our date nights around daughter's schedule, we give her a heads up if we're going to be gone a long weekend so she can find a sitter and make work arrangements... the BABY is our first consideration, and everything else revolves around raising her, not fobbing her off when we're tired or she's crabby.


I don't get Grandparents at Convenience. Part of me says: Must be nice; part of me is glad to be passing down the legacy of love and Stick it Out I inherited from my own Ma and Pa.
I would love to get my hands on enough money to buy a large tract of acreage. The big part of this dream is to have the whole family living on it. Our own houses far enough apart to live our own lives but close enough to be able to work together. The biggest benny would be to my middle nieces kids because the whole village can raise them. I just think that would be really cool for them. She lives in Wisconsin with her three kids and her husband but often she wishes that she were closer to all of us.
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post #30 of 62 Old 02-26-2019, 11:13 AM
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Originally Posted by AtokaGhosthorse View Post
@LoriF - you are absolutely right. I still have to have a talk with her, I want her to know this isn't right, to let him treat her like this, and that for her daughter's sake, she needs to step up and be brave, but at the end of the day, I can't change her mind or make her do anything. She's going to have to learn.


In the meantime, if she won't be an advocate and strong female role model for my granddaughter, I damn sure will be. My husband, my son, and my dad are having to be her strong male role models, so yep. I'll step into the female role, and honestly my mother, for all her oddities, can too.
I hear you, your mama and you have to say something. I ran my mouth plenty with my girls. And besides someone has to be the advocate for that precious little one. just don't get too angry with your daughter. I believe that for the most part, everyone is doing the best that they can with what they have to work with. Many of us have mental or emotional blocks that are not seen that hold us back from true happiness and caring for ourselves.
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There will be only one of you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself.
Coffee is my spirit animal
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