I'm Angry Today. At my granbaby's dad. - Page 5 - The Horse Forum
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post #41 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 05:47 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: SE Oklahoma
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TY... it took another HFer to point out to me where my daughter was learning it... and just this morning. It's like that moment when the light bulb came on with Trigger. Everything changed in my thought process. My husband tries to micromanage everything around him as a way to control chaos and stay organized and it's trickling into micromanaging me, and jokes that used to be funny can get beat like a dead horse and ha ha. So funny, not... Raging at chaos around him, while talking to me, while not direct abuse of me, is still abusive. It's to the DEGREE where the difference lies. My daughter doesn't see me walking away because I'm going to hit him over the head with a bat if I don't... she seems me stoically trying to keep the peace at all costs.

We bicker... but we don't FIGHT in front of the kids. She doesn't know that in my time and in my way, I take the gloves off, and here lately, I've just been too tired, too wore down, so I've not said a lot about how her own father behaves.

I gave up on my dad a long time ago, but she's learned it from seeing him talk to my mom like that, from me tolerating her dad ranting and raging and being rude when he's stressed.

It stops now. It's disrespectful and the raging about chaos (Like when a stupid skin and bones bremer cow prolapses WOO fun!) does not make me want to help him. I walk away and let him struggle on his own, stew in his own juices.

Time to tell him to knock it the hell off and give me two eyes. Think with your two eyes, not the one eye response.

"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us."
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post #42 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 05:47 PM
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@AtokaGhosthorse Yes! Excellent posts and I stand to applaud you! I will be re-reading both posts as there is so much there to reflect on and absorb! Well done!

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!".
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post #43 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 05:52 PM Thread Starter
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TY @Walkamile .


One more thing. I told her while we were laid up sick, and binging on Thor movies Monday, that she needs to not let him talk to her like that, that we'd discuss it more when she was open to listening to me, and I could talk about it without getting angry and making her feel bad instead of empowered.

She said: But mom, there's not really anything I can do about it.

My answer:

Oh honey. You are not a captive audience! HANG UP THE PHONE. It's simple as a swipe of the thumb. Just. hang. up. Give him a warning if you want to be nice: Change your tone or I'm going to have to go.... but don't let him make you believe you don't have the power to hang up YOUR phone.

"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us."
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post #44 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 06:08 PM
Green Broke
 
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It is that simple. I told my ex, when separated that very thing and did it. It only took once for him to realize the rules had just changed...forever!

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!".
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post #45 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 07:00 PM
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.. I just read the whole thread, all the comments and dialog with the culmination self analysis...spot on.
...I would like any and all of you in my corner if ever I needed to fight for a reason and cause..
...this would be me now that that epiphany has occurred.
Hide you bet I would while I learned to change my ways to healthier way of being, contributing and being supportive of each and every other family member..
It will take time, old dogs can learn new tricks...

Hugs for support for the coming weekend meeting and eye-opening this is going to be for all...
A little dose of what is to come was shed today...
A new beginning for all...
Let the healing begin, the new leaf unfurl and thrive in a positive environment...
I'm glad you took the time to unload such a heavy burden..and trusted us to share it with.
I know I learned some things, more than just some things reading what all shared...that is never a bad thing to occur.
...offered as many as you need and with gusto behind them...and staring you square in the face 2-eyes showing.
Thank-you for the enlightening thread...



hlg.

The worst day is instantly better when shared with my horse.....
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post #46 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 10:11 PM
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You're making me very proud to be an Oklahoma woman and your friend! Good JOB!

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post #47 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 10:19 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamcatcher Arabians View Post
You're making me very proud to be an Oklahoma woman and your friend! Good JOB!
Yeaahhh, well I'll tell off on you. It was YOU that pointed it out, and BOOM.

I know how to fix this now and how to take this bull by the horns. ;)

So, Thank YOU for seeing what I could not. And proud to call you a friend as well!

"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us."
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post #48 of 62 Old 03-07-2019, 10:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtokaGhosthorse View Post
Yeaahhh, well I'll tell off on you. It was YOU that pointed it out, and BOOM.

I know how to fix this now and how to take this bull by the horns. ;)

So, Thank YOU for seeing what I could not. And proud to call you a friend as well!
It's always easier to be on the outside lookin' in.

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post #49 of 62 Old 03-08-2019, 09:13 AM
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@AtokaGhosthorse
I wish you much success in your heart to heart meeting this weekend. I applaud your strength and courage.

Now on a lighter side. Your grand daughter is beautiful, babies and puppies just seem to go together.

I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within. Douglas MacArthur
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post #50 of 62 Old 03-08-2019, 09:44 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RegalCharm View Post
@AtokaGhosthorse
I wish you much success in your heart to heart meeting this weekend. I applaud your strength and courage.

Now on a lighter side. Your grand daughter is beautiful, babies and puppies just seem to go together.

Thank you, Regal, for your kind words.



She has been an absolute joy to have, and the joy is only increasing with each day. My daughter actually cried when little britches turned 1. Me, I celebrated. I've never wept for the inevitable passing of the baby and the acquisition of a child, then a teenager, then a young man or a young woman when it came to my own kids. Each stage has been a joyful experience - though there have been days I wanted to tie them to a tree and leave them... not gonna lie, but on the whole, it's been a helluva ride. Never a tear shed for the year behind us.



I'm loving that grandbaby is living with us and we can experience her day to day accomplishments and I cannot wait until she's big enough to tag along on rides and get her legs under her to run and play in the yard. She has a HUGE, sparkly personality and I think it would break my heart if they moved out now.


(I just want m'girl to grow up a little bit more and pull her fair share in the traces but yeah, that's another story too)

"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us."
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