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post #21 of 91 Old 02-12-2019, 10:43 AM
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Its a phase that most kids seem to go through
I thought my youngest was going to skip it as he was such a great kid, even though he'd been more indulged with material things than the eldest as we're better off financially.
Then he went away to college and came home like that spoilt teenage brat we thought we'd escaped.
You have to stick with your rules, if you make a threat you can't go back on it. Show no weakness!
It took a while but it did work. It made us as miserable as it made him but worth it in the long run
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Just winging it is not a plan
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post #22 of 91 Old 02-12-2019, 11:10 AM
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I meant to make something clear in my first post, talking about wants and needs. I agree that needs are what you must have to keep body & soul together, appear in public, stuff like that. Wants are the gravy on the mashed potatoes of life. When he's an adult, he won't be handed his needs. He'll have to earn the money and learn to manage it so that he can take care of his own needs and wants. He needs to start learning now, not all of a sudden when he's off to college or has his first job and apartment. I totally recommend some of Dave Ramsey's books and games to help him learn.
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post #23 of 91 Old 02-12-2019, 11:32 AM
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Nothing better than Dave Ramsey advice on finances! Every young person should read his books. They will help one be successful financially.
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post #24 of 91 Old 02-12-2019, 11:48 AM
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Okay. My daughter went through a phase at 14/15 where she 'demanded' walking around money. I kid you not.

When told no, she had to do chores that were above and beyond the call of duty, like mowing the lawn vs taking out the trash, she threw a walleyed fit, screaming and crying that we never buy her ANYTHING. SHE'S SO DEPRIVED!

So, that day I marched her into her room and proceeded to remove EVERYTHING she'd been given in the last six weeks:

New bed linens, comforter, decor on the wall, her cell phone, her TRUCK KEYS (she wasn't old enough to drive yet, but we were starting her on the dirt roads int he middle of nowhere, so she had a truck, just couldn't take it anywhere), her pillows, her boom box, her make up, her hair products, her soap, her shampoo, EVERYTHING.

I piled it all on the rug in middle of the living room floor.

She didn't get it back until she learned to behave herself and not make demands and to accept no for an answer.

It lay there two weeks. She had to sleep on a bare mattress with whatever pillows and throw blankets she could scrounge out of the guest room. She had to use the el cheapo shampoo that I use, not the fancy schmancy stuff.

After that, if she wanted something, we made her work for money to buy it.

She got a job at 16, and has traded up vehicles multiple times and is now a part time manager at a pizza joint while being two semesters out from being done with college and earning a safety degree.
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post #25 of 91 Old 02-12-2019, 12:33 PM
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When Mum issued a punishment she stuck to it.
We had a lodger, Jane who worked with me at the first riding school. We had been warned not to be late - it the second hand had gone past 11 we would be in for a week.
We were being driven home when th scar ran out of petrol so we were much later than a second! I found it hysterically funny as it was such a lame excuse.
Jane begged and pleaded to be allowed out and Mum said no way.
Jane took a week off work and went home across the Island, imwas grounded formthe week. When Jane returned she got ready to go out and Mum asked, "Where do you think you are going young lady?"
"Out."
Oh no you aren't you're grounded for a week.
Oh boy did she kick off on a rant, when she paused to take a breath Mum just said "8 days," this increased the more she went on until she ended up with two weeks grounded, then she caught on.

When I was caring for Mum we often reminisced and this came up. She said she had believed me over running out of petrol because I found it so funny.
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post #26 of 91 Old 02-12-2019, 02:48 PM
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FarmPony ..... just HANG IN THERE. What you are doing now will benefit him his entire life.



You set the rules. You are the parent. If he doesn't want to abide by them, then there are consequences (such as, no jacket). Simple as that.



Mine are young yet (ages 2 1/2 and almost 1) but the same "simple" rules apply (of course, mostly for the older one). As an example, if she wants a cookie, she needs to finish the "good" food on her plate first. Period. And guess what? She finishes the food on her plate. (Sure, she'll whine about it for 20 minutes ... but we hold steady and she wants that cookie, so she eventually does it.)


My goodness, I just had a mother in for her eye exam yesterday and oh my did I hold my tongue (regarding her 4 children SCREAMING in my exam room). And it's not the children's fault. She's enabled them and they don't understand consquences, because she's never given them any. On one hand it is oh-so-simple, but yet some people just can't muster it.


Growing up, I can't say we were ever really "punished" for everything. But..... I also did what my parents told me to do, along with my brothers. Whether we were out picking rocks, cleaning out a grain bin, mowing the lawn, feeding the bottle calves, etc etc. There was work to be done. And we did it. Sure, we were rewarded for it. Our parents paid for most of our college, and bought us all nice vehicles. But we also "put our time" into it. Not that I expected to get those things, or felt entitled to get those things. I did my work b/c that's what was asked of me.


So honestly for the "hissy fit" your son is throwing for as simple a task as cleaning his room, you go watch your Netflix and let him "get over it". Stick to your guns!

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post #27 of 91 Old 02-12-2019, 06:43 PM
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We were never rewarded for doing things like helping with meals, cleaning our rooms, emptying trash, doing laundry, caring for animals, mowing the lawn, etc. As part of a household, that is expected. If you want to eat, you help shop and cook. If you want clean clothes, you help with laundry. When we wanted something that was a 'want' and not a need, we had to earn it by doing extra stuff -- helping the neighbors bale hay, cleaning the garage or barn, etc. Were we happy about it? Heck no. Our friends got things handed to them and didn't have to do chores and we felt that terribly unfair. But my mom lost both of her parents suddenly at age 16 and was able to take care of the household, pay for college, and wanted to make sure that we also knew how to be alright if she and dad were gone. I turn 40 in 2 weeks and some of those friends who got things for nothing are drowning in debt, and still don't know how to put gas in a car or cook a meal.
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post #28 of 91 Old 02-13-2019, 09:54 AM
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@SilverMaple That's how my sibs and I were raised. I did manage to get assigned to the gardens and pruning tree detail, as I preferred outside work to dusting, vacuuming ect. my sister did.


Funny little memory to share. When my son, who was still too young to get a "real" job complained about not being able to earn money, I came up with what I thought was a great idea. Decided to "hire" him to do a variety of my chores (some of my friends paid people to actually clean their homes) in exchange for a set "wage". Now this did not include his chores already assigned to him.

The first week was heaven! The second, well, he missed a few tasks so deducted from his "wage".

By the end of the fourth week, I told him he owed me money for having to do the work he didn't complete! So that was the end of that experiment.


Happy and relieved to say he has become a very conscientious worker and a wonderful father. If you had asked me if that was going to be a possibility way back then, I would have just shrugged my shoulders in doubt.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!".
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post #29 of 91 Old 02-13-2019, 10:28 AM
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A parent here. I had 2 step kids, raised my niece until she was 5 and then had her every other weekend and then had 2 kids of my own. Stick to your guns. By age of 15 - I never handed out money for things the kids "wanted" they got what they needed period. If the jacket is a want then that is a no- he can earn the money and buy it himself and that is besides the things he has to do at home.

I know it sounds mean - and I was told I was mean by my kids (all 5) all of the time. But they are all hard workers now. My youngest is 19 and a college student - and she still knows that if she wants something above and beyond she has to work to pay for it.

Since your parents have a chore list and pay well - he can work
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post #30 of 91 Old 02-13-2019, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
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Sigh...

I feel like a bad parent. He was SO easy when he was little... High School is a bad bad place... Grumble... and girls are manipulative and dirty... and boys are rotten... and I suck as a parent.

That is all :(


Grrr - PS... he cleaned his room AND the bathroom. Still has to vacuum. He also has trash that has to be hauled to the end of the road. But get this... Now he wants a watch! The answer is... NO.
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