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post #81 of 91 Old 03-17-2019, 08:01 AM
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It was no good fighting my mother - you were on a loosing battle.

She wouldn't argue. She would just state a fact and if you didn't comply then a punishment was earned. This could be a grounding, as in not allowed out to play when younger or, go out in the evening of older. If you argued with the punishment then all she would do was increase the grounding length!

Anyone who stayed was treated as part of the family. One lad, aged about 18 was lodging with us whilst the gas company were changing the system to natural gas. He arrived Sunday evening from the mainland and went home the following Friday. His room was a t the top of the house.m

Dad would wake us with a cup of tea, mum would cook breakfast and then call us when it was ready. This lad would not get up and when the van arrived to pick him up he wasn't ready so, delayed all in starting work.

When he came back for his second week my mother looked up at him and said, "I am telling you that I am not walking up two flights of stairs time and time again to call you. You will get up when you are first called or ELSE!"

I warned him she meant it.

Dad woke us. When I went downstairs he was still in bed. I warned him mum meant it. He just ignored me.

Jane and I left for work and mum went into the yard, filled a pan with water from the but which, as it was winter was cold, went up the stairs and next thing we heard was a yell and mum saying, "I warned you!"

He was never late up again.

Like GMA100 I would suck up punishment, it was usually earned and arguing just increased the length!
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post #82 of 91 Old 03-17-2019, 11:42 AM
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Originally Posted by farmpony84 View Post
He is actually much happier without the phone and social media. Grades are up and he's been much easier going. Still not cleaning his room or helping around the house the way he should but progress....
It is good his grades are up . Kids don't realize how much good grades help them after school is finished. Maybe try asking him for a favor like Would you Straighten up your room for me today. Small steps equal miles.



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When my nieces were staying with me and they wanted things like your son wants, I would just tell them "Wow, that's pretty nice, I would want it to if I were you. Let me know if you need any suggestions on how you can get it." They used to get so frustrated with me, oh well.

Don't get me wrong, I did give them things but it was when I wanted to and it felt good to do it.

I remember my oldest son. He was working at a fast food place while he was in High School and I was hauling him back and forth which really got to be a lot of hassle sometimes. So after high school . when we both had a day off together we took a ride and stopped at a used car lot (he had no idea what I was going to do) We looked at cars and he found this used pickup . Since he was now working full time at the burger place I told the salesman to put it in his name and I would co-sign his loan Everything worked out good and he drove the truck home. He felt so good . thanked me and said he never expected to get something so nice for his first vehicle. Then I told him the first payment he missed the truck was MINE He never missed a payment and paid it off ahead of time.
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I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within. Douglas MacArthur
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post #83 of 91 Old 03-17-2019, 01:40 PM Thread Starter
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I have been asking him to clean his room for 2 weeks. Today I gave him 3 days to get it clean. I toldhim I want to see progress each day. So today he through his dirty clothes in a bin and put them right outside his door and said he was done for the day. I got a little mad. I told him he had a choice. clean the room or lose the video game. And that was all I said. If the room isn't clenaed in the 3 day time frame then the game is gone and I don't even feel guilty.

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
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post #84 of 91 Old 03-17-2019, 04:42 PM
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Originally Posted by farmpony84 View Post
I have been asking him to clean his room for 2 weeks. Today I gave him 3 days to get it clean. I toldhim I want to see progress each day. So today he through his dirty clothes in a bin and put them right outside his door and said he was done for the day. I got a little mad. I told him he had a choice. clean the room or lose the video game. And that was all I said. If the room isn't clenaed in the 3 day time frame then the game is gone and I don't even feel guilty.
Good for you. Firm, fair and consistent..

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post #85 of 91 Old 03-17-2019, 09:48 PM
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I took away my daughter's smart phone a week and a half ago and I got rid of it because I knew she would nag me to death and there was a 90% chance I would give in. And I did get almost four hours of begging for the phone and I didn't give in because there was no phone (daughter doesn't know that). It has been so relaxing without that phone. If she sleeps in on the weekend I know she is sleeping and not on her phone and at night I know she is going to sleep (or reading or drawing) and not on the stupid phone. I plan to tell her in the next week that she will be getting a phone that she can make phone calls and text, that is it. And since she used to listen to music on her phone she now will have to listen to music on an I-Pod.



Three days to clean a room is very generous. I'm glad you aren't going to feel guilty if he has to suffer the consequences of his actions.
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post #86 of 91 Old 03-18-2019, 08:00 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by MissLulu View Post
Three days to clean a room is very generous. I'm glad you aren't going to feel guilty if he has to suffer the consequences of his actions.
You probably would not say that if you saw the state of the room. He has already removed 4 bags of trash and probably has about 8 more to go. I will be doing about 10 loads of laundry and there is probably a load of dishes in there...

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy"
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post #87 of 91 Old 03-18-2019, 10:53 AM
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Originally Posted by farmpony84 View Post
You probably would not say that if you saw the state of the room. He has already removed 4 bags of trash and probably has about 8 more to go. I will be doing about 10 loads of laundry and there is probably a load of dishes in there...
Why are YOU doing HIS laundry & dishes? He's certainly old enough to do that on his own.

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post #88 of 91 Old 03-18-2019, 01:45 PM
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At age 15 he should be able to do the dishes himself. He needs to learn to take responsibility & clean up after himself, rather than assuming mom will do it for him. & if he put his mind to it, I'm sure could clean it up in less than 3 days. No excuses!

Ride more, worry less.
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post #89 of 91 Old 03-18-2019, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Dreamcatcher Arabians View Post
Why are YOU doing HIS laundry & dishes? He's certainly old enough to do that on his own.
Yep. I'd include the laundry and dishes in 'clean your room'. He's plenty old enough to do his own laundry and wash plates. If he has so many clothes he can let things pile up for weeks before needing to do laundry, he has too many clothes. It might be time to pare down to 10 days' worth and he can earn back anything else he must have. Donate the rest. Having too many clothes seems to be problematic for a lot of teens, and results in messy rooms and stinky stuff because it's overwhelming. If he has four pair of jeans and they're all dirty, well, he can either buy himself more clothing or wash what he has. A friend of mine gave her two teens three sets of colored plates-- her son has blue and her daughter chose orange. Those are the plates they use outside of family meals. When they're all dirty, it's pretty obvious and they go to their rooms and around the house, pick up their plates, and wash them. My mom had a rule that any dishes left in rooms was $1 fine per piece if she found them in our rooms. A glass, plate, and fork was $3. We learned pretty quickly to put dishes back in the kitchen.

Please don't let him turn into the college acquaintance of mine who had so many clothes he never did laundry, and took them home to wash over Christmas break and then had enough to last until summer without ever having to touch the washing machine. He got a divorce last year because his ex-wife got really tired of working full-time, taking care of two kids, and doing all of his laundry and dishes, too. I don't think he ever vacuumed, loaded the dishwasher, or cleaned anything. He viewed his role in the family as working, taking out the garbage, and mowing the lawn. Everything else was up to her. He's had a rude awakening now that he's living alone and has to actually take care of things himself.
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Last edited by SilverMaple; 03-18-2019 at 04:44 PM.
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post #90 of 91 Old 03-19-2019, 10:57 AM
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When in school you learn the lesson and then take a test. After that Life gives you a test and then you learn the lesson.
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I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within. Douglas MacArthur
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