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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I finally met a nice guy. But of course I found things wrong with him. He is too nice. Agreeing with everything I said, trying to do everything for me, being kind of clingy. I'm sure he was probably nervous, but I don't like those traits. He also showed up with long shaggy hair and a bushy goatee. I like clean cut guys. I feel like I am being too hard on the guy. I have mentioned the being too nice thing to him, he said he would try to relax a little. Should I mention the other things too? I don't want him to change for me. But I'm attracted to clean cut guys. Other than those issues, I really enjoyed being with him. He knows horses, my dog loved him, he is smart and funny. He does have PTSD, he was in special forces and saw some scary things. I don't know what this post is even for. I think Iam just making.things up now to avoid getting hurt again. Sorry about the confusing post, I am a confusing person.
 

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I finally met a nice guy. But of course I found things wrong with him. He is too nice. Agreeing with everything I said, trying to do everything for me, being kind of clingy. I'm sure he was probably nervous, but I don't like those traits. He also showed up with long shaggy hair and a bushy goatee. I like clean cut guys. I feel like I am being too hard on the guy. I have mentioned the being too nice thing to him, he said he would try to relax a little. Should I mention the other things too? I don't want him to change for me. But I'm attracted to clean cut guys. Other than those issues, I really enjoyed being with him. He knows horses, my dog loved him, he is smart and funny. He does have PTSD, he was in special forces and saw some scary things. I don't know what this post is even for. I think Iam just making.things up now to avoid getting hurt again. Sorry about the confusing post, I am a confusing person.
Either you like him or you don't. ie long hair, goatee, fashion disaster, etc etc. I personally can't handle clingy, nice and wants to do things for me, great but ......... is it a control thing or truly nice? or are you being too picky? or is he a loser waiting to happen?


Go with your gut.
 

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The best thing to do is put him to the test. Do something you love, that may be something others aren't readily happy doing (like going hiking, go-karting, trail riding, to a baseball game, etc.) whatever it is that you want.. and just see how it goes.

Take him (and you) out of your comfort zone and see if you like spending time with him. If not, then it's likely your gut knows this isn't someone you want to be with.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
He shaved for me

He is too cute for his own good. I will give him a few more dates to see how we like each other.

cid:235.jpeg
 

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I wouldnt force it if you dont like some things about him- you might never-- and its good to be picky! ;-)
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I got his permission actually. Kind of strange asking someone to use a picture, but I did. And he wanted mine for something. Maybe he's asking his buddies about me
 

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You young gals crack me up...

You don't really have a clue what you want, don't know it when you find it, and then complain when you run these young fellows off.....

I guess it's been that way for generations though hasn't it?

You're over thinking all this....IMO
 

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You young gals crack me up...

You don't really have a clue what you want, don't know it when you find it, and then complain when you run these young fellows off.....

I guess it's been that way for generations though hasn't it?

You're over thinking all this....IMO
I agree with you.. but in the case I had happen (I'm not even 21 yet).. I wish it were that simple :/
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I know I don't know what I want, I'm horrible :/ And most the guys I have "run off" were losers who I shouldn't have gone out with anyway. This guy is different
 

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The only true way to keep your feelings safe is not to get into a relationship. Even if someone loves you, it doesn't guarantee he/she won't hurt you.

That being said, you barely know the guy and he barely knows you. Keep your expectations reasonable and realistic. You wouldn't expect a horse with three days under saddle to be ready to go foxhunting, would you?
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
You are right DA, I will just take it one day at a time. I am bad about rushing decisions, I will keep an open mind
 

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You are right DA, I will just take it one day at a time. I am bad about rushing decisions, I will keep an open mind
Just remember, you don't have to settle for anything or anyone. Not saying you are, but if the best thought you have is, "Well, he's not as bad as........", then you should move on. But if the WORST thought you have is, "Well, I'm not crazy about the goatee.", then tell him to get rid of it and see what happens. If he's willing to get rid of it, then ...........well..........maybe......:lol:

And then again he could be like my hubby who periodically decides it's worth it to look like a bum and get nothing but dirty looks for a while. It'll be 22 years in Nov...could be worse! :wink:
 

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You need to push all of your preconceived notions about what you thought you wanted, and what you thought you would find out of the picture, and you need to look at him as a man.

Is he a good man? Is he an honest man? Will he be good to you? Is he someone you can fall in love with?

That is what you need to ask yourself.

I will tell you this being a vet myself, a lot of vets can get a bit clingy, that is because a lot of us have been to hell and back, some even further. When you have been through that when you have been treated by our government like they are expendable, it shouldn't be any shock that many of them just want to matter to someone, that they want to be loved by someone.

This is especially true for those who have PTSD, this is because the best weapon against it is love.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thank you BigNick. Those are things I need to find out.I can already tell he is a good person. He is very sweet and respectful. I figured the clingyness was a combination of the PTSD and being a little nervous. I am seeing him again tomorrow. Hopefully we will both be more comfortable around each other.
 

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The clingy issue is valid.

The appearance issue is not. If I were to talk about who is hot to me, it would be some fantastic muscled body - but then I dated a bunch of them, and they grunted when you asked them a question. Unless the question was what's their name, they were too stupid to know the answer. I am old enough, that this was fun for a while, and then I wanted something more in my life.

My husband is quite round, I don't care one bit. In fact last night at a kids football game he was more comfortable to stand and lean into than the metal seats were. LOL.

At some point in your life, how someone looks will become the least important part of the equation.
 

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Once upon a time I was a shallow witch who had a checklist....for appearance...that my dates must fit.
They had to be dark haired, between 5'10 and 6' tall, weighing between 155-180 pounds, and good looking. I have no idea how I got dates...I was never EVER single. I guess I clean up well when Im skinny!
I dated a few that didnt fit my checklist, but not many.

Notice anything missing? How about personality? ;)
Because of this, I screwed up a good relationship with a faithful guy who now has his masters, for a handsome trainwreck who abused me physically and mentally, had sex with DISCOUNT foreign prostitutes, and basically destroyed my life, and continues to try to do so 12 years later.

Once I realized friendship is key and stopped LOOKING, I found my husband, who ironically, I hated intensely in High School. And dont get me wrong, I still hate him sometimes, but what we have works. ;) I think when we are teens, early 20s, we waste so much time worrying about relationships, and a lot of people end up square peg, round hole. RELAX. HAVE FUN. GET TO KNOW THE GUY.

HE is not just a guy, he is a Person too, if that makes sense? Dont be like me and date hot losers who lie...date someone who would make an awesome friend and let it go from there. And stop freaking out so much!
 

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Don't discount the nice guy ;)

You don't have to run in to it, just enjoy yourself. Just relax, see him a few times and I am sure you will relax and he will too. I prefer a man who is more self confident than I am, but with that comes the huge ego LOL.

I wouldn't mention anything appearence wise until you think you have something going; he may have something in return to say.

I would try it, if not there are always going to be other people out there!

ETA: A good male friend of mine said that girls should just date fat balding guys anyway. After a certain age, most males couldn't give two hoots about appearence once they have hooked a girl. So although being a girl that also favours clean cut guys (must be a military thing!) you just need to housetrain him if it works out!
 

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Once upon a time I was a shallow witch who had a checklist....for appearance...that my dates must fit.
They had to be dark haired, between 5'10 and 6' tall, weighing between 155-180 pounds, and good looking. I have no idea how I got dates...I was never EVER single. I guess I clean up well when Im skinny!
I dated a few that didnt fit my checklist, but not many.

Notice anything missing? How about personality? ;)
Because of this, I screwed up a good relationship with a faithful guy who now has his masters, for a handsome trainwreck who abused me physically and mentally, had sex with DISCOUNT foreign prostitutes, and basically destroyed my life, and continues to try to do so 12 years later.

Once I realized friendship is key and stopped LOOKING, I found my husband, who ironically, I hated intensely in High School. And dont get me wrong, I still hate him sometimes, but what we have works. ;) I think when we are teens, early 20s, we waste so much time worrying about relationships, and a lot of people end up square peg, round hole. RELAX. HAVE FUN. GET TO KNOW THE GUY.

HE is not just a guy, he is a Person too, if that makes sense? Dont be like me and date hot losers who lie...date someone who would make an awesome friend and let it go from there. And stop freaking out so much!

SO has a friend that constantly complains about not being able to find anything but a**holes and jerks. Of course if the guy isn't one of those two she wont go out with him to begin with...
 

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I can relate to the "hot jerks" fan club! When I was a younger gal, skinny and not too rough on the eyes, I had a checklist too. Had to be tall, none of those short guys (under 6 ft fah crine out loud!), didn't care hair & eyes but had to be clean shaven, extremely fit and athletic and enjoy EVERYTHING outdoors. Snow Skiing, Water skiing, Horseback riding, Hiking, Swimming, and then PARTAY like there was no tomorrow and dance til he dropped. Oh yea, no drugs, no lies, no abuse, and utterly devoted to me. I had no use for anyone but THE Mr. Right.

I sat at home a LOT of nights. Until I figured out that I was in no way looking to get married, I just wanted fun, and understood the concept of Mr. Right Now. Then I started having fun. Eventually, I met a guy who golfs (I HATE golf) and is very cerebral and logical. He's about 6 ft, mostly clean shaven and absolutely doesn't meet any of the other criteria, except he has learned to love the horses after 20 some odd years and is learning to ride. When we first met, he didn't know which end the hay went in and didn't care. We've been married 22 years in Nov and I can't imagine being married to one of the other Hot Jerks who got up and kissed themselves in the mirror every morning.

The point of this whole ramble is, give him and lots of other guys a good go round and enjoy them all for what they are. When I say that, I don't mean you have to sleep with all or any of them, just go on a date and have fun.
 
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