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It’s hard to follow all the “he said, she said” in your post. But nothing I read sounded outrageous.

If you’re not happy with decisions, turnout, etc., why stay?

If you don’t have the time because of school to manage the horse the way you want, sounds like either it’s not the right time in your life to have a horse, or you need to be at a place with someone you trust to make day to day decisions. It doesn’t seem like that is the current barn.
 

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From your message I can tell you love your horse.IMO you need to move . Your stress level...and probably your sweet horse is about thru the roof. I've had horses for 50 years and this is too much . Take the time to research and look. And yes! You can leave any time as long as your rent us paid up! Make sure your rent us paid until you do. Find a place where he can be turned out. Horses can't stand in stalls days on end. I wish you Good luck. 😊
 

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It does sound like a bit of a gaslighting situation going on here. (Convincing you that your horse has these huge issues only to be nice to you later when you find out they are exaggerating/lying.) It might not be intentional on BM's part - she might be the kind of person who looks for a problem in everything until she genuinely sees one, even if it's not really there. She might see it as her being very caring and detail-oriented.

You might continue to have issues until you can be more involved in the day to day of your horse's care, but in the meantime it does sound like you can't really trust BM so you might want to explore options where BMs will be easier-going but still provide high quality care.
 

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I recently moved my horse because I was very unhappy at my boarding barn. The owner also overstepped there in my opinion: refusing to feed the supplements I paid for that we had already discussed, switching my horse's hard feed without discussion, calling and texting the vet demanding they call her when I was waiting on a return call, and potentially letting other people handle and ride my horse without my knowledge and permission (she was doing this to all other boarders, I can only assume it was happening to my horse as well). I was very nervous about the move, especially because the new place was twice the price and a dressage barn vs walking horses, but it has been the best thing I've ever done. My guy had been so nervous, reactive, and obviously unhappy at the last place. And seeing him like that made me nervous and unhappy, which fed his worries, etc. He is so calm, happy and wonderful at our new place. Yesterday I rode him in the arena, where he couldn't see any other horses and with birds flying everywhere, and he spooked once, a very small one. 3 months ago I couldn't get this horse away from the herd because of rearing, pulling, running into me (all of which were completely new behaviors since moving to that place). Everyone there is kind, supportive, and amazing, and I feel like I have been welcomed into a family instead of a business.

All that to say, if you're unhappy, your horse is feeling that, too, and it's likely making her unhappy. I say move.
 

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I can’t believe they’d keep your horse stalled for 2/3 months at a time! This is not how horses are meant to live!
The BO sounds like a real drama queen and I believe she’s overstepping her boundaries. When I read the horror stories about boarding facilities on this forum, I thank the powers-that-be that I’m able to keep my mare at home. Run don’t walk to try and place your horse somewhere else!
 

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Your BO is awfully weird, and a terrible communicator, if nothing else. Time spent with your horse should be your happy place, and it sure sounds like it isn't. Just for those reasons alone, I would move my horse.

Since your horse is not being ridden much, try to find a place where she can be loose in a big turnout or pasture at least half the time. It will help her nervousness.
 

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Until I got to the end of this rather long post, my feelings were mixed. It's very hard for us in Internetland to make judgement calls regarding your horse since we can't see the hooves or the behavior for ourselves. When someone says to me their horses' hooves don't need to be trimmed every 8 weeks at MINIMUM, I tend to think they don't recognize the problems that can be caused by overgrown hooves. And I do think that it is up to the owner to make sure their horse can be safely handed by everyone from the barn staff to the vet and farrier. It isn't the farrier's job to train your horse to stand still, and frankly, it isn't the BO's job either. On the other hand, it does sound like the BO is exaggerating things to make you feel that you are not looking after your horse properly.

But then I got to the end of your post where you say your horse is stalled for 2-3 months in winter. THAT would be the deal breaker for me. Someone thinks there is something wrong with my horse and takes it upon themselves to call a farrier? I might be irritated, but at least I would feel like they care about my horse. Keeping a horse stalled for months on end? No. Absolutely not, under no circumstances would I tolerate that. I live in eastern Canada where we get a ton of snow, ice, freezing rain, bitterly cold temperatures (as low as -40C) and my horses are out 24/7. I have only locked them in once or twice per winter, usually only for a few hours at a time as a blizzard blew through. Otherwise, they are outside where they belong.

Those are my two cents. I'd move just for that reason. No wonder your horse is jittery if she's not getting exercised properly.
 

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I agree with @Acadianartist . Maybe your horse is that one horse in a million that really doesn't need their feet trimmed that often, but more likely is that you're not recognizing that she needs the work done. Your barn owner sees this, and also notes that you haven't had her teeth done in a normal amount of time, and takes it upon herself to try to get this work done. Is it overstepping? Yes. Is it understandable? In my opinion, yes. Is it outrageous? No.

If you can't always be out there for your horse, you have to accept that the barn owner is going to be somewhat involved in your horse's care. Some barn owners over-step. Some just ignore problems and would let your horse's teeth and feet end up in terrible shape. I agree that you should find a new place, if for no other reason than the stalling all winter. But ... I think you should take a look at your own role in all of this, and ask yourself if your expectations and actions are reasonable and realistic. e.g. If you can't be there to hold your horse, and the barn owner thinks the horse needs to be sedated for the farrier, then who are you to argue? I mean, she's the one that has to deal with it, not you. If you don't like it, then make time to hold her yourself, rather than creating drama with a back-and-forth with the farrier and the barn owner.
 

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I, too, had mixed feelings until I got to the part about the horses being kept stalled for months. That is absolutely NOT OK. That is torture. Why would she want to do that, anyway? Even if she didn't care at all about the horses' feelings, it makes more work for her in addition to the unpleasant odor!

I think a boarding stable is like any institution. Depending on how many horses there are, it's just not reasonable to have different rules for different individuals based on their needs. People are horribly judgmental of others and people in the horse industry are very much in the public eye. Yes, it might make sense for you to do your horse's hooves on your own schedule but barn owners have other people watching them and accusing them of abuse all the time. They need to be able to prove that every horse in their barn has their needs adequately met. Sometimes, unfortunately, that means setting rules that don't seem fair.

Perhaps the right thing for her to have done would have been to put it in the contract - "Your horse's hooves must be trimmed a minimum of every eight weeks and if you don't schedule the trimming, I will schedule it and you will pay for it."

It's odd that she's telling one story and the ferrier/dentist are telling a different story. That, plus the horses being kept stalled, would have me looking for a different barn.
 

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The time to start looking at other barns is the moment your stress levels go up due to events/ care at a boarding barn, and when you get a bad feeling. In my experience, things rarely get better (I've yet to experience a boarding scenario that has) and instead, the issues usually become more pronounced. Barn managers/owners are typically happy to make accommodations for new clients and may make promises in the beginning, but they will revoke/ return to their ways with time. If their methods don't work for you, then find another barn that does. This is the best way to minimize stress for all parties.
 

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If you do not like the care your horse is receiving, or the people, move. It is your choice. No reason to feel guilty . You pay for a service. Its not like that property owner, barn manager, etc are your best friends. Same goes for a trainer. They are your friends as long as you pay.
 
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