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Barn bullying, need advice on how to deal with it

4803 Views 16 Replies 16 Participants Last post by  Jessabel
For over 6 months now, I've been going to the barn my friend goes too.

It all started when my friend, let's call her Liz, was begging me to come to her barn that she's been riding at for 3 years. So I planned a evaluation lesson with her trainer, let's call her Lara, and it went very well. I rode a horse that I ended up leasing.
Liz offered me to keep some of my tack in her locker, so I accepted. Liz and Lara were really nice and so was Liz's friend Kylie. I also met a girl there named Astarte, who was nice to me too. A couple weeks later, Liz started ordering me to get her stuff. I did, but I didn't like he way she kept asking me. I also heard a lot of gossip that Liz and Kylie were talking about. They talked smack about riders at our barn, and I just kept quiet. Lara kept giving me lessons, and she was being really nice. So one day, Lara asked me to cool out her horse Tommy for her. So I did, and Tommy is 17.1hh, so he's pretty tall. So I walked him around, and then hopped off him and gave him back to Lara. Liz came to our barn shortly after that and she said she saw me riding Tommy. I told her I walked him and she nodded. A day later, Kylie gave me looks and Lara wasn't talking to me. Liz came up to me and told me that I shouldn't have lied about trotting Tommy. I never said I trotted him and Liz told Lara and Kylie that I lied about it. Lara and Kylie really liked Liz, so they didn't believe me. I tried to tell Lara but she just seemed angry at me.

Then came the day me, Liz and Kylie were going to a flat show. Lara was coaching us at the show, and my horse was fine until she started having freak outs. I ended up crying cause I scraped my leg and I was embarrassed. Lara tried to make me feel better but Liz laughed at me and Kylie laughed with her. Astarte saw me at the show, then heard Liz and Kylie gossiping about me. I called Liz out on it and Liz said she didn't gossip about me.

Liz and Kylie gossiped a lot about me, and I got really angry. Astarte even gossiped about me too. Then came the worst day. Field day.
Field day is when you go out into the field and do cross-country and gallop around. So I went with Liz and Astarte. My horse started freaking out, so I went back in the ring. Astarte and Liz came with me to warm up. After I did a lot of walk and trot, I started to canter. Liz stopped me and told me I would give my horse arthritis if I didn't warm up more. I told her I did warm up and Liz smacked me with her whip and I screamed. And she then told me that's how my horse feels. She trotted away and Astarte laughed at me. So I shook it off and went into the field with Liz and Astarte. Mystic, my horse started freaking out and I only walked her and trotted her in the field. Liz and Astarte jumped and galloped and tried to convince me to jump. I told them Mystic was being antsy so I didn't want to go jump but Liz got mad. So Liz told me I had to and smacked me with her whip. So I went to the jump and Mystic refused. Mystic kept refusing then Liz demanded to get on her. So Liz got on her and Mystic refused so Liz forced Mystic over the jump. I got back on Mystic and she was even more antsy. So I didn't jump and Liz got so mad that she galloped towards me on her horse and forced her horse to bite Mystic. Mystic started bucking but Liz didn't care. She kept annoying me. So I cantered over the jump, but Liz didn't see me. So she forced me to go over it again, but Mystic was freaking out. So I told her I can't. Liz called me a wimp and told me she didn't believe that I jumped it. So she got off her horse, grabbed the reins from my hands and pulled me over the jump. I almost fell off and Liz told me I was a bad rider and I was being a brat.
Liz orders me around, and gossips about me. She also always uses my stuff and returns it in horrible condition.
Then, today, she called me and told me Kylie told Liz that Lara is mad at me cause I cancelled my last lesson with Lara and Liz kept insulting me.
I no longer feel welcome from this barn and I'm moving at the end of this month but Liz doesn't know. She keeps telling me that I'm a horrible rider, and now Kylie hates me and gossips about me. Liz also said I have horrible position and posted it on Instagram for everyone to see.
She threatens me and says if I tell anyone what she does I will get in so much trouble.
Please help me on how to deal with her. :-|and Kylie :cry:
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I'm prefacing this by saying I don't know how old you are, but I'm guessing 14-16. I'm surprised you haven't talked to your parents about this yet. While I agree that you should say something to these girls, I doubt it will do any good and is likely to add fuel to the fire. I knew many girls like them and ignoring them was usually best.

Talk to the trainer on private and tell get what's going on. The trainer should never have let transpire what happened on that field day. It was dangerous for both rider AND horse.

If the trainer isn't willing to do something about them, your parents need to talk to her themselves. Their behavior is absolutely acceptable and puts a lot of people and horses at risk for serious injury.

I'm glad you're moving at the end of the month, but their behavior needs to be made known to whomever is in charge there.

As far as gossiping, unfortunately people will always gossip. No matter what your age. It's good to stay learning now to let things like that roll off your back as much as possible. Girls who gossip are insecure themselves. Chances are the things they're saying about you are only reflections of their own faults, so they call those things out on you in the hopes that no one will see those things in them. It's petty and lame, to be honest, but that's many young girls for you.

Now, where they were hitting you with the whip, I would have walloped them right back and much harder. That's something I've never accepted and I let people know that immediately. It's better to not ever stand for someone - anyone - abusing you in any way.
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