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I struggle with confidence when in the saddle. I am fine when I am happy hacking, I can go anywhere alone or with my friends.... But the second I try to do more, fun rides, beach rides, group lessons, anything like that I begin to panic about it. I think some of it is fear of people judging me and my riding (and my size) but honestly... I dont know what the route cause is.

I have a lovely horse, he is a big thoroughbred but he has a real ploddy brain. He doesn't have a nasty bone in his body. I have only fallen off of him once, and I was lucky enough not to hurt myself... so I dont think it is a fear of falling as such but I suppose that could be some of it.

I guess what I am asking is does anyone else have this issue? Confidence loss for no real reason other than fear of what other people think? If so... Did you manage to get over it? And how did you get over it?



A picture of me with my boy :)
 

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I understand worrying about what others thing, but I think of it in the sense that everyone should be trying to better themselves, and that means they shouldn't be concerned about what everyone else is doing! Worry about yourself, and only yourself, and you'll notice a lot more of the small little accomplishments/special moments with your horse (nobody else can give you that feeling!)

Personally I think you look great, and your gorgeous hunk there seems perfectly happy with you, that's all that really matters :)

On a side note, are you short or is he really tall? Just curious, not relevant to anything XD
 

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Liking your post, because I like your picture.

I’m old I don’t care much what people think. When it comes to size the only opinions that matter are your horse, your coach, your vet, maybe your farrier....outside of that, none of their business.
 

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I guess what I am asking is does anyone else have this issue? Confidence loss for no real reason other than fear of what other people think? If so... Did you manage to get over it? And how did you get over it?
Stop worrying about what other people think.

I know, I know -- that's easier said then done. But seriously consider it.

Sometimes it starts with being happy with yourself. If there is something YOU don't like about yourself, then change it. But let that decision come from YOU and not from anyone else's opinion or judgement. Be who you want to be, and be happy with that.

Who cares what anyone else thinks....

Lovely horse by the way!
 

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I only even considered weight when I tried to take lessons.. most barns around me won't let you ride if your over a twig.. definitely less weight than most guys I know. Once I got out and started riding.. most people said I look good on my horse and I don't worry about what other people think of me any more. There is a plus sized rider group on Facebook I found where everyone is super nice and supportive, and makes everyone feel welcome.. Plus just the company your are with.. if they are positive it makes your riding experience positive
 

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I completely understand that self consciousness mindset.
Something I've always struggled with personally whether it horse related or just in everyday life.
It is such a mind over matter deal.

And it certainly is easier said than done. I know personally i shouldn't mind what others think of me, knowing I'm trying my hardest each ride to better myself. But it is still hard to push out all the self doubt. Somedays are way easier than others.

I would just try not to be hard on yourself. Know that you're doing everything you can, your trying, your self aware. And try tell yourself it only matters what you think of you. Nobody else. Try it in baby steps when it comes to pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Make a goal that once a week/fortnight/month you'll do something that pushes you. Soon as you do you'll probably realise how fun and easy it was and move onto the next.
If you're self concious in how you look (you shouldn't be) but you can always treat yourself to some new breeches or something you feel good in that makes you happy with how you look.
While we shouldn't care what others think, sometimes it is hard and you need to spoil yourself a little to get there!
 

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Love your photo. What a great pair.
I can relate to your feelings, but getting out and doing is the most important thing.
And if you and your boy are enjoying it together, that's all that matters.
Try not to let fear of others opinions spoil your fun!
 

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The only time it bothers me, is in sitting trot and the ‘girls’ get a little bouncy ☺☺
Oh boy, do I know what you mean!

I'm not overweight but endowed ladies like me should think of that before buying a horse with a lot of action :/ It feels like I'm going to knock myself out one of these days.

I had two old pervs blatantly move their chairs to the edge of the school to watch the girls. I was so self-conscious that I had to switch to posting when moving in their direction.

Once I had to get off because my bra snapped and it was too painful to trot, even with posting.
 

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As one gets older, most just don't care what others think anymore. It's not because they have no choice either. I've always hated pics of me, always. The funny thing is, when I look back on old photos, I think "Hey, I really wasn't that bad, but now, Oh No". I guess my point is, I should have never hated myself in photos. I should have enjoyed who I was at the moment.

Personally, I think you are pretty and the two of you look so dang cute together. Enjoy it.

This reminds me of when my middle niece was learning to drive a tractor at 13. She was so busy looking around to see who was looking at her, she ran it into a tree and was so embarrassed. If she was concentrated on enjoying the experience she probably would have aced it.

I'm not going to sit here and say that it's ok to be overweight because everyone knows that it's healthier to not be carrying around added extra weight. But, I know lots of heavier ladies that look fabulous.

I just got through visiting that same niece who is now 29 and has three children. She was trying to show me her double chin that she hates so much when she looks at photos of herself. For the life of me, I'm just not seeing what she sees. There is no double chin there. I just don't get it. She's a grand total of about 115 lbs. I feel bad that she goes throughout her days hating something about herself that isn't even there unless she puts her chin all the way down to her chest. And then, at best, it's just skin.

Start finding things about yourself that you love and concentrate on those. Believe me, it gets easier with more practice.
 

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Generally, I don’t think weight matters; it’s more about the way a person rides.

I’ve seen many larger people ride like they weigh nothing and thin people sit like a ‘sack a tatties’ as my old teacher would say – slouched, unbalanced and the horse looks like it’s carrying a ton.

If people have a problem with your size and riding then it says more about the type of people they are than yourself.
 
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I guess I have a subset of this problem: I get anxious when I'm being put on the spot. Like you, I'm comfortable doing "my thing", but as soon as someone's watching me to evaluate my performance, I get nervous. I think you could call it "generalized stage fright".

I didn't get over it. To cope, I use avoidance or 0.5mg of Xanax. :grin: I'm not a performer, and my days of taking exams regularly are over, so it's not a huge impairment.

As for riding, I'm mostly concerned with how my horse thinks I'm riding, which helps me to improve. Every time I didn't give timely release or used unintentional aids, I am acutely aware that I have just confused my horse. So there is actually an upside to it. I guess you have to make sure that you value the opinions of those who you think are judging you.
 

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I don't have a confidence loss...but my weight does bother me. I never used to be heavy until 9 years ago when I started working an office job. Before that I was a park ranger and was active. Weight was never an issue. Even after I had my son I was never as heavy as I was during my office job. I quit my job about a month ago and I am hoping to be more active again and lose a bit. I hate being this heavy. It's NOT what others think of me - it's how I feel physically. I know some of my most recent aches and pains are weight related and that is why I want to lose.

I think you and your horse are adorable and you make a great team. That's what matters the most.
 

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I can?t see the picture, but I think that you should remind yourself when you start loosing confidence that the people that you want to think highly of you are not the kind of people that judge others negativity for something as silly as their weight. Where I live big people ride small horses and no one thinks a thing of it.
 

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Ahh, I can?t edit. Losing, not loosing. Lol
 

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Honestly, even I get comments on my weight occasionally - and I am TINY. Usually when I'm on ponies, rather than big horses, but still - I am not even close to being too heavy for any but the very smallest of ponies. I might look a little silly on them but they definitely aren't under excessive weight with me on their backs.

You have a lovely big strong-looking horse, and despite your unflattering sweater, you're not THAT big. I'd bet money that there's fit, healthy men who weigh significantly more than you, who ride 14hh QHs in heavy Western tack. And nobody comments on their weight. Even if people decide to be hateful, you're better off ignoring them. So they think you're too heavy for your big strong TB, but a man heavier than you with a (probably) heavier saddle is not too heavy for his titchy little QH?

You know where that comes from? Sexism.

You know what you DON'T have to listen to? Sexists.
 

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oh try being a plus sized guy riding western in an english barn.. you want to talk about bad comments.. its not sexism.. its just crappy people who have to make themselves feel better by putting others down, like said that's not the kind of people you need to be hanging around with
 

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oh try being a plus sized guy riding western in an english barn.. you want to talk about bad comments.. its not sexism.. its just crappy people who have to make themselves feel better by putting others down, like said that's not the kind of people you need to be hanging around with
My point is, there are fit healthy men who weigh more than many "plus sized" women, and nobody says a single thing. Let's stop pretending it's the horse we're worried about. If (say) 200lb is too much for a horse, that excludes quite a few fit healthy ranchers from riding their ranch horses. You know, those little QHs that carry them all day and then some?

Women get told from WAY less than 200lb that they're too heavy to ride, even if they're on horses that are more than able to carry them. Men? Not so much. Men have a higher threshold. And that's sexist.
 

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I think that gingerscout is probably right though. I don?t think it?s women vs. men. I think that the men you are talking about live in my world. Cowboys don?t get told their big, but neither do their female counterparts. We also don?t live in a town/barn setting. I?m sure in an English barn where little women ride big horses is is prevelent to each sex. Just obnoxious people being jerks.

I read a quote once that said ?people only treat you how they feel about themselves.?
 
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I ride English, so how about I use an English riding analogy?

I know a girl who's maybe 80kg (not sure exactly what that is in pounds but it's somewhere around 170? by my math) who gets told she's too big for her 500kg/1100lb horse.

Take, for example, William Fox Pitt. He's stupidly tall. I'm willing to bet he's more than 80kg with all his lean muscle and 10 miles of height. Nobody EVER goes on about him being too heavy for ANY of his horses and he's definitely "too tall" for a few of them.

I think people need to stop pretending it's for the horse's benefit and be honest with themselves - it's just that they don't like seeing fat people. And that's THEIR problem - not the rider's.
 
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