[free_sprtd]

Just need to vent.... My best friend is ditching me left and right for her new guy of 4 months. I have been understanding because I know that these things happen in a new relationship... I, however, didn't do that.... didn't feel the need to ditch my friends for a guy that I already spent the whole week with. Anyways, we were supposed to go to a movie together last week, but she changed the plans, then we couldn't go the next day because she had dance practice (she coaches), but practice was canceled so her and her boyfriend went to a movie instead. Now we had set plans today, but she doesn't feel like driving to where I am tonight, so therefore we're not going. There's more details but that's the short story. We are all great friends, and do a lot of things as couples. BUT we haven't had girl time in a long time. I'm just so upset that people in new relationships, more often than not, disregard the other people in their life. Even her family is irritated with her because she is not taking care of all her responsibilities. Ugh just need to vent. :-|. I've been trying to be understanding, but when it interferes with my daily plans, don't I have a right to be upset? I don't like to sweat the small stuff.....however, I'm upset. Anyone with some soothing advice? And why do people act like this?

 

[TaMMa89]

Just three words: Love is blind.

Also I have met some people who act like that but I don't know which makes them act like that. Infatuation perhaps..? Messed chemicals in your brain when you fall into somebody..?

Well, it should be over within few years. And yes, you've right to be offended. Maybe you should talk with her seriously. Sometimes people don't understand value of their friends if they've accustomed to it that their friends "have always been there". Even I doubt if even talking helps when she's "going".

Hope venting made you feel better anyway.

 

[Vidaloco]

If she is that good of a friend, you need to say something to her if you haven't already. Maybe a good starting point would be to have a girls night out. You don't have to make it every week, maybe every other or even once a month. Its really easy to lose a friend when one of them isn't putting any effort out. Try not to let it happen and be happy if she only wants to get together once a month, its better than not at all.

 

[MN Tigerstripes]

I went through this with two of my best friends before my man & I got together. My group of girls is small (4 of us) and one is married w/ young kids so I was very lonely for several months. One of them came back to me... the other I still won't see her for months and she is really crappy about calling me back. It took a little over a year for the one friendship to get back to normal. Now we're all good. Unfortunately as side-effect of the ditching and not being there my boyfriend isn't such a fan of two of my friends, so he doesn't really like hanging out with them. He doesn't think they're bad people, just not very good friends.

I guess if I were you (if I could go back) I would sit her down and talk to her. Something along the lines of "maintaining friendships and being there for each other." You might also throw something about sig others tending to respect you later in the relationship if you stand your ground and maintain some of your "own" time and interests early on...

Sorry you have to go through this, it's a tough one.

 

[free_sprtd]

Thanks guys... We've been childhood best friends for 11 years now. We talk often... just don't have girls time as often. So when we were making plans to do something, we have to say to eachother "this is for sure!" so when I told her the movie times and it had to be after 6:30 because she had to work, 8:20 was too late for whatever reason (the guy perhaps?), but the only way I could make the 7 was if we went to the theater in my town (which is what we originally discussed anyways). :*( Maybe I'll have to figure out some time we can sit down and chat. Although everytime we have made plans in the past month or so, she acts like they were never for sure. I never acted like this to my friends because I valued them and knew I didn't want to be "one of those girls".

 

[Vidaloco]

Sounds like your going to have to have a set date. I have a friend who retired. He wanted to stay in touch so on the first Sunday of every month we had breakfast. We did it for many many years until his health prevented him from going.

 

[3neighs]

Ah, I remember being the ditcher when I first met my husband and wanted to be with him every minute of the day. My advice would be to wait for her to come to you. You know, don't be the one to try to make plans with her for awhile as you'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment. If you drop contact with for a period of time my guess is she'll start to "wonder why Lacy hasn't called" which may prompt her to want to have that girl time again.

 

[free_sprtd]

That is a great idea Jen . I was thinking about that as well... It's going to be hard as she texts/calls almost every day or everyother day. But I get the idea. We ended up going to see the movie tonight after all as my lesson was canceled and there was nothing preventing me from making the earlier show. I told her we need to have a serious talk and she said she has some kind of idea as to what it was. She still didn't get it, and I told her we will save the convo for another time since she was already having a terrible day. In the end, the movie was amazing and she knows that I'm upset, but still love her . Thanks for the tips gals!

 

[sandy2u1]

It sounds like to me that she cares. I'm sure it's tough on you because you are used to having her around all the time. If she is texting and calling you daily then that means you are still very much in her heart. When you do get to talk to her about this...I wouldn't give her hell about it. She is enjoying her new relationship...she isn't trying to hurt you. Get her to commit to a once a month girls night out and be happy with that for now. She will soon find balance between you and her new love, but it takes time.

 

[free_sprtd]

Thanks Sandy! Ya I know....It's not even that I'm hungry for her attention or jealous or anything like that...I got so much going on as it is! I just don't think it's ok for her to make plans with me and then cancel and do something with him or whatnot. I just want to express to her that remember others feelings when she makes decisions. Thanks so much guys, it helped getting it out.

 

[Speed Racer]

I've had 'friends' like this over the years.

If you want to salvage the relationship, you're going to have to accept the fact that no matter how important she is to you, you're always going to take second place to whatever man is in her life.

Women like this don't change, so you can either accept being second fiddle, or find friends who won't ditch you whenever they have a hot new boy toy.

If she was a real friend, she wouldn't cancel dates with you to spend time with him. Mature, adult people keep their promises and appointments.

She's showing you a grave lack of respect by throwing you over to play with her new 'toy'. It also shows a marked lack of ethics and values, because anyone who would deliberately cancel an already scheduled event for no more reason than to play cuddle bunnies, doesn't consider you worthy of attention.

Women like this also run BACK to their friends when the new toy loses it's shine, and gets tossed aside. Until the next new boy toy shows up, then it's back to being a second-class citizen.

If you can live with that, then great. If you'd rather have friendships based on mutual affection and shared values, I say deep six this one and find some real friends.

 

[my2geldings]

Just need to vent.... My best friend is ditching me left and right for her new guy of 4 months. I have been understanding because I know that these things happen in a new relationship... I, however, didn't do that.... didn't feel the need to ditch my friends for a guy that I already spent the whole week with. Anyways, we were supposed to go to a movie together last week, but she changed the plans, then we couldn't go the next day because she had dance practice (she coaches), but practice was canceled so her and her boyfriend went to a movie instead. Now we had set plans today, but she doesn't feel like driving to where I am tonight, so therefore we're not going. There's more details but that's the short story. We are all great friends, and do a lot of things as couples. BUT we haven't had girl time in a long time. I'm just so upset that people in new relationships, more often than not, disregard the other people in their life. Even her family is irritated with her because she is not taking care of all her responsibilities. Ugh just need to vent. :-|. I've been trying to be understanding, but when it interferes with my daily plans, don't I have a right to be upset? I don't like to sweat the small stuff.....however, I'm upset. Anyone with some soothing advice? And why do people act like this?

Yea its a women thing. I've seen it happen. I have seen some really good frienships fall apart because of it to. It's one of those things that's a fact of life. A guy comes along, and they disappear and it seems their friendships are put on the back burner. I think it's human instinct to go search for that provider and stick to him, forgetting those friendships.

The sad thing is, she will eventually end her relationship with this guy but by that point she will have hurt so many of close friend relationship and perhaps even lost most of them, that she will find herseld completely alone.

It's hard to see people's true colors sometimes. Hope you feel better

 

[free_sprtd]

Aww thanks M2G! Actually, a twist on things, she has finally begun to be herself again, and all 4 of us are great friends! We do a lot of things together and have our own little "group" so to speak. Thanks for getting me through that frustrating time though.

 

[my2geldings]

Aww thanks M2G! Actually, a twist on things, she has finally begun to be herself again, and all 4 of us are great friends! We do a lot of things together and have our own little "group" so to speak. Thanks for getting me through that frustrating time though.

Glad things corrected, things really suck when you lose some good friends. Keep us posted with the wedding planning :wink: