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Full loan advice, please.

482 Views 12 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  LMV
I have a pony on full loan, I’m happy to keep in contact with the owner but her behaviour is becoming quite concerning. She messages around the clock including 1am, 5am etc to ask for updates, she’s constantly asking if everything is okay, stating “I haven’t heard from you in a while” within less than a week of my last message/pics. I find this behaviour very intrusive. I would conclude the loan early but my daughter has become very attached and also the day after pony arrived with me the owner announced they had been kicked off their yard for not looking after their animals (which they deny). Before he arrived I was assured he was fine with the dentist and now it transpires that he has never seen a dentist, he also arrived unvaccinated etc. We have a year-long loan contract but she did say this would be a lifetime loan, but I can’t live with this constant badgering. We are experienced, and he has company, stables, and year-round grazing (all private) so I feel we are great for him, he seems extremely happy and is improving in condition. Is it reasonable to feel harassed by an owner, am I being unreasonable by expecting some peace?
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You have something she cares about, maybe not did horse care well but cares about the animal itself.

I would set rules with her....
We will update you once a week with picture and written, otherwise the continual will not be excepted.
When you not want to hear from her temporarily block her....
One time a week you open the portal to send a message for a few hours then close that portal for being just ridiculously wasteful of your time.
If she can't or won't abide by stop badgering you, then I would break the contract and send the animal back and it is their problem affording and keeping, no longer yours.
Your daughter may miss him a bit if he is returned, but she will also get attached to another animal you put in this ones place is the badgering disrupts your family and you so much.
It sounds you board the animal not keep at home, so I would also make it crystal clear to the BO no one has permission to come see, handle nor ride the animal...any changes to that you will notify the barn of. You pay the board bill then it is you who has authority over who is allowed or not.

The offer of a forever loan... I would take the person up on that but realizing if your daughter is younger and learning their is a finite amount of time the pair will ride together.
I would actually purchase the pony, for $1.00 if she is serious about lifelong...then you can do as is needed when needed and not involve those who seem to not have been able to do customary care for the animal.

To me, till you set some ground rules....you will be seeing this "control" aspect continue...

WELCOME to the Forum!!
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I'd consider it harassment and no you're not being unreasonable for wanting peace.

Contacing you at one and five in the morning for updates is utterly ridiculous.

It would be reasonable to lay down the law and arrange for updates to be once a week, fortnight, or a month, and no contact outwith certain hours.

It depends on what you agreed to in your contract though - hopefully you have one and it covers everything relating to the loan, including visits and updates.

Personally I wouldn't want to take a full, lifetime loan from this person. Nor would I want to buy from them; I'm not sure that that would break the connection they have with the pony.

If they won't respect what's in the contract or common politeness now, then you need to consider whether asking for space will be heeded and will it further sour the relationship. Are they the type to say sorry and take a step back and do you want them being involved with you and your family for quite a few years.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the advice, it’s very reassuring There is a contract in place but it doesn’t stipulate anything about updates, I’ve just been sending regular pics, vids etc as I said I would and am happy to keep my word but the 1 am messages etc are alarming. I think you’re right that even buying the pony won’t help, Unfortunately, I’ll have to revisit the idea of concluding the loan.
 

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How long has it been? It's possible this person will move on eventually.

My strategy would be to set boundaries. Tell them you will send an update once a week for the next month, then go to a biweekly update, then to a monthly one, then every two months,etc. It seems petty, but lay out a precise schedule to be agreed upon. Express that you are doing this for both yourself and her - she won't need to worry that you haven't sent an update yet if she knows you will not be sending one for another week, and you won't have to respond to messages at inconvenient times. After a while, she may just lose interest. If she did not look after her horses in the past, she is likely the kind of person whose interest in them comes and goes with convenience.

If she cannot be reasonable about it then you may have to express that you cannot keep up with the demands for updates and that it wasn't part of the contract so she can either honor the contract or tear it up and come get her horse.
 

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this sounds like a mentally ill person. Not surprising they got thrown out of their last boarding arrangement.
It is definitely harassment . Hopefully, setting boundaries will work, but you may have to cut all ties, and cut the contract. Or change your phone number.
 

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I would definitely set boundaries, absolutely. They shouldn't be harassing you or bothering you at those hours of the night; make that pretty clear with them and be firm. If they're that concerned, well, they need to take the horse back then. I also wouldn't buy the horse from them, I don't think it would end well.
 

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Loan situations are often difficult because the owner still has a financial and emotional tie to the horse - it can be hard enough selling a horse when you love the animal but have no choice but to let it go, but it’s easier to drift away when you know that the horse now belongs to someone else.

In a loan, the horse still belongs to the person who’s not finding it easy to let go.

It’s possible that the owner will gradually start to feel more confident in your ability to care for the horse - she might have struggled and circumstances might have forced the loan arrangement, but it seems like she still loves him.

I think I’d maybe give things a bit longer before trying to enforce better rules and if things don’t improve, I’d be more inclined to consider returning the horse.

There’s absolutely no guarantee that the owner will extend the loan at the end of the year, so your daughter could well lose him anyway

Have you considered applying to loan a horse from one of the Rescue charities?

You might find it would work better
 

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Do you like the pony? Is so I would ask if they would be willing to sell it to you, I just cant see myself putting all this money into a horse thats only being loaded to me for a year and then having to give it up, I would offer to buy him and see how that gos since they cant take care of him themselves, so if not being taken care of before you came along how will they do it later down the road?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
this sounds like a mentally ill person. Not surprising they got thrown out of their last boarding arrangement.
It is definitely harassment . Hopefully, setting boundaries will work, but you may have to cut all ties, and cut the contract. Or change your phone number.
I was starting to think that - Thanks for the advice
 

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this sounds like a mentally ill person. Not surprising they got thrown out of their last boarding arrangement. It is definitely harassment . Hopefully, setting boundaries will work, but you may have to cut all ties, and cut the contract. Or change your phone number.
Or maybe there's a bottle of wine that initiates these late-night messages.
 

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Hi welcome to the forum. A couple of things cross my mind.

Maybe the owner just happens to be online at that time of night and it is not actually meant to be harassing. She (?) may have regrets not being able to have the horse to herself at the moment. Generous.

Perhaps she is just keeping it in your mind that she owns the horse. I one year when you return a worked/ schooled pony, she has a pony worth more than it is right now. Profit.

There sounds like something more going on in owners life. If there is anything in the claim about her being kicked off her yard along with the 1am messages, sounds like she has problems you don't need. Lonely, unstable(drink/drugs)?

I agree with set boundaries. I would tell her you will send updates every week or two, but you are too busy to drop everything to send something on request. I would never set a time and day (myself) because I wouldn't stick to it so allow yourself some flexibility.

I have a pony out on free lease, no contract. When I first leased her the lady asked if she could hog Inca's mane because they live in an area that gets very hot in summer and Inca has a very thick friesian style mane. Since then the lady has made all her own decisions about the horse. I see pics sometimes on facebook and like or give admiring comments, but I don't interfere. She was recommended to me by someone I trust and have since seen for myself that Inca is well cared for. I wouldn't dream of demanding updates at random times.

There has to be trust, she has to trust you. Or it isn't going to work. You will get some great suggestions here, but you will need to talk to the owner yourself.
 
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