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Discussion Starter #1
Hey all.
I will try not for this post to be a book but can't promise...lol

My father is/was a tb breeder. To sum things up he mismanged himself financially and made a mess of things for my parents retirement.
My mom is extreemly resentful about horses and anything to do with them.
SHe see's them as the destruction of her life.
You all have to understand there is a bunch of facters in her feelings about her own experience with horses.
She also has a part in their situation. She could have put her foot down and done things differently as well

That being said. Some of you know I am extreemly lucky to even be able to ride horses since I have a fusion on my neck.
So she always worries about her daughter.

She also likes to stick her nose into my finances. I am well beyond my 30's in age and there is no reason , but I am her child so I get that.

I am not married and can not have kids so my horses and my cats are my kids.

Now in light of my mare's issues and the possibility of a surgery that will cost me alot of money (which I am totally prepared to do) if I have too.

She is in no way supportive of me, or my horses. She only can say to me You cant spend your money on that kind of stuff.

I basically told her what I do with my finances is not really a concern of hers

What would have been nice is if she could just say something supportive.

Then I think how the heck could I even think she could do something of this nature when my family has been disfunctional for all my life.

Is it really to much to ask for a kind word every now and again?

If it were my child would she have such a dang cow!

I will base my decisions on what is best for my horse and go from there.

At this point I am not even sure how much the cost would be or the prognosis. I am waiting for the estimates and having another exam done today for another opinion.
You can read about the health issues in the health section.

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-health/bum-news-about-my-mare-probly-49633/

Dont know if that link will get you there or not.

Thanks for reading my vent.
At least I know I will find support from others hear who understand.
HP
 

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sorry to hear about your mare HP
also sorry to hear that you're having the trouble finding the support you need in a time like this. some people just don't understand that when you purchase a horse you make a commitment to him or her to do your very best to make them comfortable and happy in every way. most weeks i have no food in the cupboard and barely scrape together bill money, but nothing makes me happier then seeing my horses happy and healthy.

I suppose what I am trying to say in my little rant is, you just need to do what you want to do and what is right for your girl, and if there's people that don't support your decisions....well that's their problem right?

good luck with everything
 

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I completely understand. I'm turning 20 this year, and my parents have chosen to blame my horse for lots of things that have nothing to do with him. He's a financial black hole, etc. Although I've been fortunate enough not to run into anything health wise with him, I do want to get him some more miles under saddle when I can't provide them, and my mother who was originally willing to pay for lessons for myself, won't put in a dime for him. I also say that my horse is my child, because point blank he does need me to provide proper care for him. Its frustrating when I'm basically supporting myself because they're busy supporting my younger sister, who also ironically has a fused neck, and so they tend to ride her about all of the things she wants to do, but "can't" (roller coasters, horseback riding, etc).

In short, I know how you feel! Jingles for her and hugs for you! All you can really do is just close your eyes, shake your head and remind yourself that you can't choose your family, and deep down somewhere you love them.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks you two.
I swear I totally agree with you both.
Maybe it hits more home with my mom because there was always something with my dada and his dang horses.
And....hey haha...both mine were bred and foaled by him. So maybe there is an association there in her mind.
Doesn't matter.
I had the mare vetted before I brought her here to my sate. There was absolutely not one reason to indicate anything was wrong with her stifles.
I had xrays done of her fronts because i already knew that at one time she had a splint issue, and I wanted an xray of her knee because it was swollen and we think just banged it up while trying to jump the 5 ft fences where she was.

Long story short noe of this was apparent when the vet check was done.

Cheeze just think of how she would feel if I spent 40-60 thousand for the horse and then this came about. I actually considered it and decided I wanted Candi.

Whatever. This junk happens and it is what it is. I have totally managed to keep it together throughout the whole thing thus far and I will be Da*** if I allow my self to get my panties in a wad because she doesn't approve of what I do.

It wouldn't be the first time in my 40 years of life that I ****ed her off believe me!
She'll get over it.
hp
 

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Awww HP... I'm so sorry you have to have MORE stress in your life.
My mom swore off my horse career when I was 8 and had a bad fall. She doesn't understand the horse bug, and never will.
I cannot gather my thoughts at the moment, but when I can, I will post more. You aren't alone, and while you may not have your mother's support, you have a ton of it here on the HF *hugs*
 

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I really feel for you, HP! My horses, cats, and dogs are my babies as well (even though they drive me crazy some time). I hope the problems with your horse are not all that bad and won't be a financial issue!

As for parents.... Parents are just parents what else can I say. You can't change them or pick up new. I'd just be more relaxed about your mom, and do what you think is right.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thanks JDI...
It took me a while to even get the gumption to post anything about it.
I am not gonna lie! I am totally scared that Candi will end up like poor Tiny.
I totally have done everything in my human power to help him and he is always going to be off.

But, He is still my love and Candi is always gonna be my sweetness.

So I guess i am going to try and get some stupid little job mostly to make myself feel better that a check is coming in. I miss working and it will be nice to see some tiny amount come in evenif it goes right back out...lol

You know right now I feel like I have so much drive to succeed and reach my goals.

HowClever said how much it means to have the horseys in her life. Well I get that. They realy do feed my spirit and keep me grounded even when things are a bit crazy.

HP
 

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I'm sorry about your mom. My mom isn't really not supportive of my riding, but she also doesn't quite understand EXACTLY how much it means to me. She would go to some of the shows when I was still showing, but like any mom, she was always nervous about how safe everything was, and my dad who did ride was just like, honey she's fine, let her live a little. Its really not as dangerous as you are making it out to be. But after all the injuries, and the massive vet bills my Thoroughbred accumulated over the 3 years that I owned her, both of my parents think that I should wait quite a while before I get a horse again. If they knew I had Saphira, they'd have a cow about whether or not I have enough money, and am I making enough, and why do I need to have a horse, ect. I had a $387 emergency vet bill last week, and my boyfriend who is helping me out, helped me pay for it, and is supporting my decisions with my horse, but my mom still doesn't know that i own a horse again.
 

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Just keep your head up, and keep doing what you are doing for your horse. Only you can really understand how much they mean to you, and what your life would be like without them. Let other's criticism run off your back like water on a duck so to speak. You just have to look at your horse's face when you go out to see them to know exactly how right you are to have them in your life, and care for them the best you can.
 

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I have a few friends who have similar situations - parents who are totally dis-interested in horses and refuse to support them. My best friend is one - However we just take her everywhere with us and she keeps her horses with mine. Her mum has watched her ride maybe once a year?

My mother is totally non-horsey. She is very crafty and wishes I was too. Perhaps it frustrates your mum because horses are something you share with your dad? I often feel that my mum gets jealous of my bond with dad - He takes me to horsey things every weekend, we camp out together, etc. - While she spends her weekends doing craft which I have no interest in. She gets angry very easily and I feel part of it might be that she feels I have a better relationship with my dad because of horses. And of course I feel for her, but there is no way I will compromise MY life amd MY love of horses because it isn't something she shares.

I'm sorry about your predicament and hope things turn out ok :[
 

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Is it really to much to ask for a kind word every now and again?
-Misery loves company-

No. Regardless of what she has gone through and regardless of the reasons she is upset with you spending good money for a good reason, you are her daughter and she should be happy to see you so happy.

You have gone through a lot in your life and it makes perfect sense to me that you have such an attachment to something as therapeutic as horses(even if you had led a happy and easy life).

You are happy and that's what she should focus on instead of being unhappy. Knowing how mothers function, I have a feeling like this would probably be a lost cause, but have you sat down and tried to sit with her and talk about why she is so upset with horses?

Sometimes nothing can be done and people just do what they do, simply because they are unhappy with their life.

Keep doing what you love and don't ever give it up because someone tells you to. This affects you and your husband, end of story. It's unfortunate she feels the need to be negative.
 

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You're not alone HalfPass.

My Parents never supported my horse passion either, I had to do alot on my own. I learnt how to mow lawns, pull weeds, babysit, house sit, pet sit, walk dogs, wash cars - whatever it was I could do, to make money to ride.

My Parents would never buy me a horse, so I had to Free Lease horses I could get my hands on, which most of the time, that meant backyard, green broke horses - but I got er done.

My Father was born on a very large cattle ranch that was in the family for generations. Built in the early 1800's, where his father was born, and his fathers father..etc, etc, etc.

He was raised that you work from Dawn to Dusk, and if you aren't brining food to the table, you are not a man - and my Mother, being his Wife, supported him.

My Dad said, that horses are a waste of time, you cannot make money riding or being involved with horses and if you got hurt on a horse, that would impede your progress to make and earn money. But yet, I did it on my own.

Now that I live on my own, my Husband is supportive and I have him at least *heart* my Parents still disaprove of my passion for horses. Heck, when Nelson Coliced, my Dad was ready to send money to have him put to sleep - and when he made it through that horrible situation, my Parents were quick to tell me to get rid of him because he's only a burdon financially.

I cannot talk horse at all with them, I cannot share my accomplishments with them when horses are involved - but so be it.

I do not allow that stop me :) You just have to keep doing what you love, and what is right for you and what your soul tells you. If horses make you shine, then so be it. You are around horses for you, no one else. Only you can make that decision, no one else.

I am 33, and still ga-ga over horses and still going strong :)

LOL, I remember growing up, my Parents tried to get my interest in other activities. They put me in Baton Twirling, they put me in Tap Dancing, Bowling, Figure Skating, Ballet, Guitar Lessons, Tennis, Curling - I would give them a go, but I always ended up back with horses :) What can I say? LOL.

You have to do what is right for you - period, end of story. One day, I'll have my own Eventing Facility, my own Students, my own property and then I can say "Nanna nanna boo boo" and shake my butt. :) :)
 

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Discussion Starter #13
OMG you all are totally awesome!
Wild Spot....interestingly, my mom and I are much closer than my dad and i. My Dad and I but heads alot! But because I have managed to approach things calmly and realistickly he has done the same.

I called my mom on the way home from college tonight. I did not mention the horses. Just had our normal evening phone chat.

My2Geldings...
I had to read one sentence you wrote 2 times because it totally made me smile and laugh...
I don't have a hubby but if I ever do he will get the horsey stuff or it aint happening! lol
I get it tho. she is only thinking about what she feel is best for me.
And I do know that deep down she is very happy I am happy. But...once again when it comes to the ponies...forget it.

MIE...ha
My folks wouldn't get me a horse either. I took lessons, but they wouldnt let me lease a horse either.
I was a bit of a "jerk" when growing up and later in my teens took a really hard path. My Mother signed me out of school leagaly at age 13 0r 14. I worked at a burger king. LOL
Soon I got a job working with a lady riding horses and feeding horses. And like you I rode all the naughty horses and worked all the horses that were challenging.
My firend, Lisa, who I recently reconnected with and found actually lives 50 miles from me, used to play the dirtiest tricks on me when it came to riding. She would assign me horses to work. Sometimes new ones from newer customers. She would tell me they were such great mounts....ha...not the case they had all sorts of issues.
In the end I developed a good seat and people wanted me to ride their horses.

Even back in those younger days my parents were the same as yours. They tried the entire tennis thing with me too. I hate tennis. My daad would send me out to the court to hit balls with the ball machine and to be definat I would point it straight in the air and leave!

needless to say, all the years I lived without horses in my life because I was on a hard bad road, i longed and missed them like I cant explain.

When I got my self straightened out, I had a horse I rode for a year or so back in 2002. Then I ended up injured about 2 years after that. I was a mess physically for 5 years.
So when my gelding came I was just getting over all that garbage.

Now...I ride about 6-8 + hours a week. They are so ingrained in my blood and bones they will never ever leave.

They are my freedom and joy from all the hustle bustle and crud life throws at us.
Oh if I did not have them to turn too when I am happy sad or what ever.
They get me and I get them.
So
as for the family well they will get over it.
This thread and the people here have helped me to get a start at working on it.
HP
 

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I find it sad that so many mothers aren't supporting their daughters. I have 3 daughters and I hope I can support them in no matter what they want. My own mother didn't really support me with Major at first. Major got really hurt one day, and I called her so she could call my uncle whom is a rancher, and I was crying so hard it took me 15 minutes to tell her what was wrong. Major had been severely kicked and bitten. He had about a 11 inch gash, that was an inch deep and a huge bite area that was the size of a softball. When I called her, as soon as she said hello I started sobbing...I was scarred out of my mind. Because of that situation, she finally realized how important Major is to me. I think your mom's experiences with horses has all been bad. I think you need to show her the good in them and show her how much they mean to you.
 

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Is it really to much to ask for a kind word every now and again?
You have my sympathies, I have a dysfunctional relationship with my family, for all of my life I've been fighting with my mother about everything, she was furious at me for wanting to buy a pony when I was a teenager, then forced me to sell her again so that I could take a job - the job fell through so I was left with nothing (I'd spent all the pony money on new stuff for my job) and my mother laughed in my face.

I could go on for hours with other examples of her cruelty to me.

I don't even think of her as my mother any more, it's easier to take the crap that way.

Strangely enough since my father died, she's had a personality transplant and is actually quite pleasant now...

Good luck to you HP, and your mare, I hope everything works out with her.

And remember, you're not alone! ((Hugs))
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Thanks all.
My Mom and I have a wonderful friendship. It is just the "horses" that are a thorn to her.

My horses have their issues no doubt about that, but every single time I interact with them they give to me a gift that no human could ever give to me. They are superb teachers of many things...

I think that possibly as time goes on and my Mom has a chance to see things in a different light she will may have just a tad of understanding of how much they truly feed my life and spirit.

If it doesnt happen well than it just is!

At least I have it within myself to just take it as it is.

I am somewhat upset...well I guess disapointed that she cannot even say a supportive word.
Right now I have come to just accept that she will not allow herself to do so.

I gotta keep moving forward tho.
I will be calling the surgeons office today and settin gthe date. Then doing some errands and off to the ranch to clean tack and groom my kids!
HP
 

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You're def. not alone...

My mum doesn't like horses hardly at all anymore, when she used to ride all the time... After a horse ran away with her, she quit riding the 'stinky, filthy animals' and since I was born (20 years ago the twenty-eighth of this month), she's only been on a horse twice... once because I begged her to go riding (which she ended up and got on, fell off, and didn't go) and once when her youngest niece asked her to ride (which I still resent because I'm her only daughter and she won't go riding with me, even when I -beg-, but her neice just asks and she's all 'ok, but just for a minute'...).

Though my mum does pay for some of my horse-stuff (sometimes), I have to really cut back on how much I go out with friends so my gas money can be used in an emergency now until I get a job. My mum just doesn't understand that times have changed and horses do better with certain things now than 'back then'... lol.

I'm sorry you're having problems, but hang in there!
 

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Hey there. :) first, have you ever looked into horse insurance? It's well worth it if you can find a reputable company. :). Second, my mother isn't supportive as well. I've been out of her control (living on my own, in other words) for years and have a family of my own. I have come to accept that asking for support IS too much to ask of my mother. I just don't tell her anything having to do with my animals as she always tries to take the fun out of it. Misery loves company. She hates that she doesn't have control over me anymore. If she doesn't support me and my horse (who keeps me unbelievably HAPPY), then she doesn't need to know about those details of my life. I'm done letting her manipulate me and feel guilty. You can reach peace with this, but you need to reach a point where you won't accept her negativity. It isn't fair to you!
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BackInThe Saddle,
I had not looked into the insurance but it was on my "to DO" list when she came home. I could just kick myself for not doing it sooner.
I am still going to purchase the horse insurance on both my horses because it is a good price yearly, but both of them will have things that will not be covered.
My Bad!
I talked with my Mom yesterday and didnt say anything about Candi. It is just better left alone.
I have much to much going on to have any time to get stuck in the middle of some silly diagreement with my mom about what I do in my life.
I think BackInTheSaddle got some things right on the mark about the control stuff.
HP
 
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