The Horse Forum banner

Help me help someone

1223 Views 9 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  Jolly101
Hello all
For starters I rode for 8 years as a child, took a break for school and picked it up again as a adult. I love the barn I’m at and the horse I lease is the best!! I’ve met many new friends including the person in the post. Let’s call her D.
D is a really nice person who loves to ride! The problem is she isn’t very good. She has taken very few lessons and decided to lease. I see her use overly aggressive tactics (not abusive but like kicking REALLY hard, and slapping with the reins) when the horse doesn’t do what she wants. In my opinion she gives mixed signals and the horse is just confused. In her riding she will sometimes slam down on the horses back and run them A LOT. When helping with other horses at the barn she will frequently tack them incorrectly.
Now I am by no means the greatest rider and still have a lot to learn but I would rank myself at intermediate. When I try and suggest things like just taking a walking lap around the arena if she gets frustrated instead of just beating the horse or jerking it’s head around she doesn’t really listen. Like I said she is a very nice person who loves riding and being with horses. I want to help her before a horse gets tired of her shenanigans and really hurts her.

so please help me help a fellow rider.
1 - 10 of 10 Posts

· Super Moderator
Joined
·
17,122 Posts
You may find she doesn't want "help" or advice or pointers or anything she would see as a criticism. A few gentle suggestions should give you an idea of what her reaction might entail. Personally I'd stay out of it and away from her if she isn't open to suggestions. It may take a horse teaching her that her actions are unwarranted. Pray it isn't so serious that she doesn't recover but serious enough she looks for a better way.
 

· Premium Member
Joined
·
8,185 Posts
I think @QtrBel is right in that a horse will eventually educate her. If you truly enjoy her company you may just have to ignore it, because often people do not like being told what to do.
 

· Premium Member
Joined
·
51,781 Posts
Up to the point of he abusing a horse that does not belong to her ( actually,, abusing any horse, for that matter), one has to be silent. Your best best is to demonstrate good horsemanship around her and hope she decides she wants what you have.

Has the owner of this horse seen how she treats it?
 

· Registered
Joined
·
97 Posts
She is abusive...I don't know if I'd call someone that abuses animals a nice person....that aside...where is the owner of this stable, or the owner of the horse? They should be made aware that she is abusing this horse. The owner of the stable should especially be concerned if this is happening on her property....she could be liable if something happens to D or the horse.

(I don't know how she is incorrectly tacking up horses, but that could potentially be a safety issue as well)
 

· Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Be careful about what you say to her. But tell her about the horses health and the problems by doing those things. Tell "D" that those things that she is doing is causing the horse pain and go on about health problems and pain issues these things could cause the horse. Tell her, "Hey I am telling you these things for you and your horses safety and health. So, stop ignoring me and listen! I am not saying that you are abusing your horse or that you are a bad rider. But, you need to be more gentle with your horse and remember the first lesson. It is never the horses fault."

Be prepared in case she gets really angry and will start a fist fight. I know that many can be that way if you correct their riding.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
8,913 Posts
. I see her use overly aggressive tactics (not abusive but like kicking REALLY hard, and slapping with the reins) when the horse doesn’t do what she wants. In my opinion she gives mixed signals and the horse is just confused. In her riding she will sometimes slam down on the horses back and run them A LOT. When helping with other horses at the barn she will frequently tack them incorrectly.
Now I am by no means the greatest rider and still have a lot to learn but I would rank myself at intermediate. When I try and suggest things like just taking a walking lap around the arena if she gets frustrated instead of just beating the horse or jerking it’s head around she doesn’t really listen.
Your suggestions might just fall on deaf ears.
She might not want to listen.
It is sad, but there is nothing you can do if she doesn't want to put forth the effort to riding better.

For tacking up incorrectly, that might be easier to make suggestions if she will listen.
"Hey D, can I help you with X? Looks like you put it on backwards. I used to do that too until so-and-so told me......"
She might roll her eyes at you but at least you tried.

How much are you around D? You could try a different tactic such as a really good video of a really soft rider.
"Hey D! Have you see this video on Instagram? Wow, it looks like she is not even cueing him."
And then later when you see her jerking on said horse.
"D, what about if you try what they were doing in that video? Be really soft?"

And again, just be prepared that none of these tactics work and she'll just keep doing what she is doing. Someday ... she'll know what she was doing is wrong. For some, that time comes later than others.

All your life, you will witness bad horsemanship. I actually just saw it in the parking lot on Sunday while I was attending a horsemanship clinic. I saw a wreck coming, so I just kept my horse and myself away from it. You'd think those attending a horsemanship clinic would be able to do better. Unfortunately not.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
97 Posts
Since she has already ignored your advice I wonder if maybe you could .....kind of "set up" for her to be there when the barn owner or horse owner would be around....so they could witness her (mis)handling of the horse. Then they would (hopefully) correct her, that way you wouldn't have to be the bad guy.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
696 Posts
This is a very tough situation and honestly, I've just learned to stay out of it when it comes to friends or anyone unreceptive to advice. It sucks, but continuing to give advice will only strain the relationship and make them even MORE unwilling to go to you for help, when they need it. But some good alternative suggestions given above.
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top