The Horse Forum banner

1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
109 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
This is an issue that I believe to be really hurting my riding. Over the summer, my riding instructor got along with me great. I was doing really well, and she praised me all the time... i felt on top of the world. I had a month break and got back in the saddle, and things were the same at first, really nice. But now she is criticizing and yelling at me for every little thing.
I mess up constantly and she always notices it and points it out, which cause me to make more mistakes.
Her yelling at me makes me tense up and I have to try and correct all those things Im doing wrong, and sometimes its right before a jump; or I dont hold my balance and fall on his back when we land after a small jump.

Im sorry, even just writing this is upsetting me, and i dont know what to do to fix things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
164 Posts
I believe your situation is repairable. Have you taken these concerns to your instructor and told Her/Him?
If you have not, it's a good time to take them aside privately, and explain your concerns, and what you believe this is doing to your abilities and confidence.
If you have done so, then you certainly can go shopping for a different instructor, as there are many. You may even find a better instructor, you never know how these things may work out.
However, I always try first to talk it out with the person I am having the trouble with. It has been mostly successful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,228 Posts
Yes , I think talking it over and explaining your feelings to your instructor is the right way to go.

I can understand how this can make you upset, I had an instructor who I took lessons from on my own horse. I feel she had a wealth of knowledge but we really clashed. I was soaring with confidence one day and then was in tears the next....My confidence was ruined as a result and it has taken me a long time to get it back and am still working on this. I even allowed her to do some training on my horse for me and that fell through too.
I would love to find an instructor in my area who could work with me through this but haven't found one that focuses on this problem.

I hope things get better for you , I feel that it will after you guys talk it out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
310 Posts
I'd talk to her. It is possible that she thinks you are at the point where you will benefit more from someone pointing out all the small things you are doing wrong rather than praising you for the things you are doing right, so she is being really tough in an attempt to make you better. It is a perfectly legitimate training approach, but if it is making you regress, is isn't working. Maybe tell her you're feeling really tense because you're feeling like you aren't getting anything right. Explain that you need to hear what you're doing right as well as what you need to fix and maybe that will lead to more of the positive reinforcement you need.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,722 Posts
i would def talk to her !!

i am just starting to make up with my old trainer/great friend/ "parent" bascially that i havent really talked to for 2yrs
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,266 Posts
I think if you have a problem with someone(including your instructor), you need to talk to her in person. She may not realize she is doing it, or there might be some underlying stresses that are causing her to act that way. Maybe because you are going under more stress than usual, you are feeling like she might focusing on you and your mistakes. Might be a entire barn/lessons and students she is doing this to.

Whatever the cause, you really need to talk to her yourself and see where all this is coming from.

Keep us posted on the outcome ok :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,740 Posts
She shouldnt be yelling at anyone durring a lesson. I grew up with a really bad trainer who would yell, make fun of, and chastise the kids she taught. Its very unprofessional and inappropriate. I dont know the extent of your problem, but something could have happened in her life to make her bitter. It could be the weather ect.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
21 Posts
I have had a similar problem before ... is it at a riding school ? I think maybe just speaak to her because if your paying you should be happy ... if she is treating you really badly then maybe you should have a look at some other places ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
297 Posts
In this case I might start with talking it over with her since there seems to be a change on her part. That is if you feel comfortable talking to her about it.

I stayed with an abusive trainer way too long when I was younger and leaving her place was one of the best things I did.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
69 Posts
Everyone has a different learning style, and while some riders respond to negative criticism by trying harder, it only serves to upset you and cause problems.

I would try to take it up with her, and if things don't change, I would probably look for another instructor who meets your learning needs.

A good instructor can make all the difference in the world, and an instructor who is good for everyone else may not be the one for you - and vice versa.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,184 Posts
Don't take it personally. This is every rider's biggest mistake. Your instructor doesn't hate you because they are yelling at you - they are trying to improve your riding. The tougher my lessons are the more flattered I am because if someone feels that they want to be so involved in my riding that they are yelling and screaming and pulling their hair out - then I must be doing something right.
I used to get very emotional when I got yelled at - but as I got older I realized that's just how it is. Most of the "big names" are, for lack of a better word, mean. The further you progress in your riding the tougher the coaches get.
Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,193 Posts
Haha my god I think I get yelled at a good half dozen times a lesson on a good day :S Like Anabel, I see this as a positive thing though, as I know my coach very well and I know from seeing her teach numerous people she will yell and get out of her seat and chase you around the arena only if she thinks you have potential and CAN do better. The one's she is quiet with and tells them that they're fine, are the ones she really doesn't have the time of day for because either they're just not going to make it, the horse is useless or the rider just couldn't be bothered.
The last thing I'd want to hear from a coach is that the sun shines out my backside and I'm a perfect rider in every aspect. If I hear anything of the sort I wouldnt go back to that coach, it's not helpful to be told you're great, it only gives you a big head.

So take it as a compliment that your instructor is putting so much energy into you. haha my coach has screamed and sworn at me during a lesson, but if you look past the yelling and take out what they're saying, you'll realise they're right of course. being yelled at gets me angry, and in being angry I will try my absolute hardest, THEN I get results. If my coach isn't getting stuck into me, I get lazy (I know, i shouldn't but I relax too much!!) and things fall apart.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
172 Posts
Ask questions! I have the greatest instructor in the world (in my opinion :p) If he tells me to do something that I don't understand, I say how do I do it? I tell him that I don't understand and he will ask me to stop and will explain in great detail what I should do, how I should do it, and what it will achieve. This helps me to then go forward with a clear picture of what I should be doing. He's just the best :)
He's also hilarious - I have a tendancy to lean in on circles and so when we're doing circles he calls me Eileen :p
He also explains thing soooo well. When I was teaching my horse to go 'on the bit' he said it's like riding a bike that is missing the front wheel, you have to be balanced on the back wheel to be able to move forward. I've been told to hold the reins like I have two little green frogs in my hands. One time he just took my reins off and told me to weave in and out of cones with no reins, it was hard but oh man, he listens to my legs now! (This was in an enclosed space of course.)
Oh god, I'm sorry everyone. I've just waffled on about my amazing instructor. Oops. I'll stop now :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
228 Posts
You are paying this person to provide you a service. Obviously they are failing to meet your needs. Simply find another instructor.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,490 Posts
I agree with Kayty and Anebel, don't take it personally. Your instructor should know what you can do and she is obviously picking up on your mistakes. You need to relax, listen and correct your mistakes. I dought she yells more then my trainer, I ride my own horse and she will push both of us to our limit. I love her as my trainer, because I've learnt to take the good with the bad and keep on going. Yeah it can be hard and sometimes you do feel like you want to give up, but don't. Out of all the trainers I've had she has been the best. One, didn't push me. Another one, payed no attention to me and text while training. Another one, I loved her but the groups bored me walk, trot, canter, jump. Simple directions, simple jumps. After months of doing the EXACT same thing, I got bored.

I have had several wonderful trainers as well, but I wouldn't trade the one I have now for the world.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Top