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Discussion Starter #1
Please Stick with me here and PLEASE read the whole thing.

So until these past 3 lessons, I have noticed how short-tempered my trainer is, my first lesson back I showed up 5 mins early 5MINS EARLY. She said "Umm well you're here early, you have to wait a bit longer until you can go get the horse out of the field" she was mucking out a stall and I couldn't fit the horse though the gap, she was a bit mad the rest for the lesson

The next thing that happened in that lesson she asked if I was ridding at another barn, like WHAT I never have any time for this barn WHY WOULD I RIDE AT ANOTHER BARN!?? and she sounded very accusatory

I have cried in every lesson since I have been back should I leave that barn??
Please feel free to ask any questions
 

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Discussion Starter #2
I will also add that I do not like her way of treating animals I ride a 23-year-old horse and he's slow she makes me hit him with a dressage whip really hard IMO, she also beats around and yells at her dog
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Yes, you should stop taking lessons with that trainer. You should not cry after lessons. Riding is supposed to be fun.
but is it me? that makes her mad because I'm new to the equestrian world? I've been looking at new barns as well but I don't know how to ask questions and stuff! UGG (in emails)
 

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You should definitely leave. Like @knightrider said, riding is supposed to be fun. If you don't like the way your trainer acts, you should find a different trainer! Riding shouldn't make you cry (unless you fall really hard!) Riding is supposed to be relaxing "The best therapist has fur and four legs" I am super new to the equestrian world too, and I got lessons last year. I loved my instructor and he totally built me up and made me feel really good about every single ride. Maybe try looking for someone that just has a horse at their house. It doesn't have to be at a super fancy big barn. Where I rode, it was just an old man with his three horses, and one outdoor ring. Maybe you can look for another barn as you ride somewhere else. If your instructor makes you feel bad a bout every ride, she is definitely not working for you. She might be the perfect fir for someone else, but it is totally OK if she doesn't work for you! IMO I would definitely look for another instructor.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
You should definitely leave. Like @knightrider said, riding is supposed to be fun. If you don't like the way your trainer acts, you should find a different trainer! Riding shouldn't make you cry (unless you fall really hard!) Riding is supposed to be relaxing "The best therapist has fur and four legs" I am super new to the equestrian world too, and I got lessons last year. I loved my instructor and he totally built me up and made me feel really good about every single ride. Maybe try looking for someone that just has a horse at their house. It doesn't have to be at a super fancy big barn. Where I rode, it was just an old man with his three horses, and one outdoor ring. Maybe you can look for another barn as you ride somewhere else. If your instructor makes you feel bad a bout every ride, she is definitely not working for you. She might be the perfect fir for someone else, but it is totally OK if she doesn't work for you! IMO I would definitely look for another instructor.
Thank you I rode at a barn before this but they didn't have the arena to ride during winter EEE and Covid they are a highrisk family, I have asked to lease one of there horses but they said Not right now with COIVD i loved ridding there SO much
 

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Thank you I rode at a barn before this but they didn't have the arena to ride during winter EEE and Covid they are a highrisk family, I have asked to lease one of there horses but they said Not right now with COIVD i loved ridding there SO much
That sounds awesome, I would totally try and find another barn that was like that. If you have seen that riding is supposed to be fun, I think that you could answer your own question about whether or not you should leave your current barn. If you are aren't happy riding, then why are you riding!? Why do you do anything? Because it makes you happy! (or cause you get paid...) Try and find another place that you can go and just be happy. If you can't find another stable right now, maybe look for something like an Animal Rescue that you can volunteer at, and just work with the horses. You may not be riding them there, but you will still get to be with them. That alone, is worth everything to me.
 

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If the woman who you take lessons from doesn't treat her horses well and is unable to show respect to her clients (you) then it's time to pack up and leave. No need to pay her anymore money if you aren't having fun and learning.

I'm sorry you had to go through that and hope you find a new barn that will make riding fun and help relieve your stress instead of adding to it!
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Try and find another place that you can go and just be happy. If you can't find another stable right now, maybe look for something like an Animal Rescue that you can volunteer at, and just work with the horses. You may not be riding them there, but you will still get to be with them. That alone, is worth everything to me.
Hmmm I think I would Like that! thank you SO much!!
 

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I would look for other options. You shouldn't feel that way with this trainer. I mean, she could have her reasons, stress is probably a big one but she is running a business and doesn't get to have the pleasure of being cranky towards her riders. Remember she actually works for you. You pay her. So I would look for other options. I'm sure there is a better fit out there somewhere.
 

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Hmmm I think I would Like that! thank you SO much!!
I am unable to take lessons right now, because I live in a really small town and there are only like two places to ride, and they have both been shut down fro Covid. So instead I am working at an animal rescue. Of course, I am not only working with the horses, but when I do, I love it! It helps that I love all animals, so I am happy doing whatever. Best part, is you don't have to pay anything, because you are just volunteering, and the owner loves it! The owner if the rescue I am going to, got me to gut a couple ducks last week, and she was so happy that I just got in there and did it. Rescues are amazing places, because you get to be around rescued horses and help them heal, as they help heal you.
 

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my first lesson back I showed up 5 mins early 5MINS EARLY. She said "Umm well you're here early, you have to wait a bit longer until you can go get the horse out of the field" she was mucking out a stall and I couldn't fit the horse though the gap, she was a bit mad the rest for the lesson
?? If my trainer wasn't almost ready to go 5 minutes before the lessons started, I myself would be mad.
But.... is it your job to catch the horse?
Are you supposed to have the horse ready at the start of your lesson? If so, then 5 minutes isn't enough time and you should have been ready earlier.
Or..... is catching the horse part of your lesson?
(So it depends what sort of arrangement you have with your trainer and exactly what your lessons is supposed to entail.)

The next thing that happened in that lesson she asked if I was ridding at another barn, like WHAT I never have any time for this barn WHY WOULD I RIDE AT ANOTHER BARN!?? and she sounded very accusatory
Some trainers do not like it when you take lessons at other barns. However, my personal feeling is that it is my money and I can take as many lessons when and where I want. So I myself would not put up with a trainer that doesn't want me to take lessons elsewhere at the same time. So I would not tolerate this from your trainer.

I have cried in every lesson since I have been back should I leave that barn??
Agree with the others. Riding is supposed to be enjoyable. If it is not enjoyable, then find somewhere that is! You aren't paying someone else to be miserable at the end of it.
 

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but is it me? that makes her mad because I'm new to the equestrian world?
Sounds like you're getting really solid advice! I just wanted to weigh in on this bit. If you're new to the equestrian world, then it is the job of the experienced person (ie your instructor and the others at the barn) to make you feel safe and welcome. Their first job is to teach you how to be safe around the barn. In anything short of an emergency, mistakes/ignorance should be corrected calmly and in a way that doesn't make you feel stupid or cry. (Ideally, that would also be the case during an emergency, but I tend to allow some wiggle room there. Panicky people aren't always sensible.)

If being around a newbie makes the instructor mad, then she shouldn't be teaching inexperienced students. Period.

As a person who doesn't like conflict and who cries pretty easily around strangers, I feel you. Trust me, there is a place somewhere where you will feel safe and happy. You shouldn't stay at any place that routinely makes you cry.
 

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........... she was a bit mad the rest for the lesson

The next thing that happened in that lesson she asked if I was ridding at another barn, like WHAT I never have any time for this barn WHY WOULD I RIDE AT ANOTHER BARN!?? and she sounded very accusatory

I have cried in every lesson since I have been back should I leave that barn??
Please feel free to ask any questions
How old are you? I ask because if you're a young teen then part of my answer is not going to be appropriate for you. If you're an adult, then it is.

#1 She was a bit mad for the rest of the lesson - That would be enough right there for me to walk, right after I told her off in no uncertain terms. YOU are PAYING her to make sure you have a good time and learn how to ride and be around horses safely.

#2 Riding at another barn - I ran afoul of this as a young kid, about 11 years old. I had called another barn to get some info on a schooling show they were having (my folks felt I would learn more by doing than to have them do things for me) and my trainer's boyfriend was working there breaking horses. He saw my name and phone number beside the phone and called her and told her I was riding at the 2nd barn. When I showed up for my lesson that afternoon, Trainer #1 started yelling at me and told me if that was what I wanted to do, to get off her place and not come back. Regardless of the REAL reason I had called the other barn, I left her place, never went back and started riding at the 2nd barn. Had a BLAST at the 2nd barn, got to learn lots and ride a whole bunch of different horses, things I never got to do at Trainer #1's place. I stayed with Trainer #2 until he got married and moved out of the area.

Don't forget, it's your time, your money and it's none of the trainer's business if you want to ride and take lessons with a 2nd or even 3rd or 4th trainer. This issue came up in another thread when I mentioned that I would be up front about taking instruction with more than one trainer and several people said they wouldn't say anything. Because of the experience when I was a kid, I now tell every trainer, barn, coach, that I am and will be taking lessons with more than one trainer, if I feel the need. If they have an issue with it, that's their chance to tell me they're going to have a problem. If they don't speak up right then, they better not speak up later.

#3 I have cried in every lesson - You're supposed to be having fun, not crying. Now there are times when you will cry, because you're new and because this is all very foreign and sometimes scary. That kind of crying is a release of nerves and can be helpful. Crying because you're made to feel not good enough, less than, stupid, incompetent or just because the trainer is a short tempered sorry critter is NEVER ok. It's YOUR time, money, mental and physical health we're talking about. If you are not having fun, stop wasting it and go find a trainer you can have fun with.

If you're an adult, I'd let that trainer know exactly why I was leaving. If you're still a kid, let your parents handle that for you and you just get on with having fun.
 

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New rider, inexperienced, likely on the small side. Lesson horse not wanting to move out and a rider too worried about being gentle and underperforming???? We don't see both sides.

Sure lessons should be something you enjoy and look forward to and if you aren't then speaking to your parents or the instructor is something you should be doing. Coming to an internet forum and likely presenting a biased view will always generate sympathy and plenty of move ins. Move on too much and you develop a reputation.
 
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Discussion Starter #18
New rider, inexperienced, likely on the small side. Lesson horse not wanting to move out and a rider too worried about being gentle and underperforming???? We don't see both sides.
Well take it from her point of view I always think it my fault and I'm NOT worried about being gental, She makes me hit him really hard and he gets MAD
Sure lessons should be something you enjoy and look forward to and if you aren't then speaking to your parents or the instructor is something you should be doing.
As I have said I'm to scared to talk to her
Coming to an internet forum and likely presenting a biased view will always generate sympathy and plenty of move ins. Move on too much and you develop a reputation.
When you say move on what do you mean? And I wanted a oppion NOT sympathy
 
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