[HollyLolly]

Okay, so just lately I've been a little down. I lost my little mare in a tragic road accident (I shan't, mainly because I can't bear to, go into details) and my other mare has been on her own for 3 weeks.

In that time, as is probably normal, she has become very spooky. But, I thought when I bought a companion, she'd settle right back down.

Obviously, I haven't given it much time, as I only bought her companion today, but she's just as spooky. I thought she'd be more relaxed with another pony around.

She's always been very high strung, but never like this. She runs about like a crazed animal and is always staring over at the "evil creatures" that live over the fence. I can never get her attention any more. Even when I work with her, I never have her ear on me, she's always got her head high and looking over the fence. I've tried doing Clinton Anderson's sense and desensitising techniques and also got her feet moving all over the shop (when working with her) but I haven't been able to be consistent with it due to ghastly weather (and no facilities), and also when have done it, she doesn't seem any better.

I am at a loss, and it's really, really depressing me. I mean seriously. To the point where I want nothing more to do with horses, and even to the point where I don't see the point in anything. I just feel like crap, and every time I go and see her, I just feel worse, because she has NO interest in me. I've done NH methods for a long time, and she is the only horse that I cannot get attention or respect from. She's not disrespectful in the sense that she's nasty or naughty, just **** ignorant and I just feel SO down.

 

[Maple]

Give her time, chances are in the morning they'll be pals over the fence. Heck, for all she knows that thing over the fence is a horse eating monster in a horse costume. Give them a chance to settle in.

 

[MAG1723]

Like Maple said, give her time. Time can do so much. She is probably just depressed and scared without her buddy with her.

 

[Wallaby]

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear about the trouble you've been having! :hug:

I don't have much practical advice but I know that when my mare lost her bestie a few years ago (like we have "heart horses", the mare Lacey lost was her "heart friend", if that makes sense) she got very much the same way. Even with other horses around, she was spooky and just freaked out initially. Then she got really depressed, didn't have a lot of interest in anything, I continued to work with her, didn't ride much just did her favorite things (lunging and round penning) and a few months later, as suddenly as it started, she was back to normal.

The one thing that really changed once she was "back" was that she began to treat me like she had treated Dani, the mare we lost. She had previously looked to Dani for everything and I was just "the human". But once Dani was gone and Lace got through the grieving process, I was suddenly Lacey's bestie/protector.

Anyway, my only advice is to just give yourself, and your remaining mare, time and room to grieve. Maybe go out and groom her or work with her a bit if you feel like it, but don't feel forced to ride or really work her if you don't feel like it.

The only thing that will truly fix this is time, IMHO. Don't give up but don't burn yourself out by forcing yourself to act like everything is normal.

:hug:

 

[HollyLolly]

You are right, of course guys, I just needed to tell someone, you know?

 

[tinyliny]

Maybe it's time to bring in another human being to both help you for a bit and work with your mare. Sometimes, if we get "stuck" it helps to have someone else give us a new perspective, either by teaching us, or for us to just watch them. Hang in there.

 

[HollyLolly]

And thank you Wallaby, your post has made me feel a lot better, thank you

 

[HollyLolly]

tinyliny, I've just contacted a couple local trainers maybe just to get an outside look (especially someone who deals with all sorts of problems) for some advice.

Thank you everyone for your support

 

[Maple]

I say it's not only her who needs time either

Time with help both of you, just give yourselves a chance. I'm sorry for your loss, and do hope things look up for you soon.

 

[HollyLolly]

Thanks Maple, just needed to share with people who would get it You guys are the best!

 

[Country Woman]

Awe Iam so sorry for your loss

 

[Dustbunny]

Hollylolly...Time. For both of you. Horses are a herd animal and I'm sure she will bond with her new companion, who is a stranger right now.
For us, tragic events are never forgotten. But over time it becomes easier to put them in a proper place in our memory and move on. I'm sure it is made more difficult for you because she is having a tough time. It's good that you are seeking someone to come help her. It will help both of you.
Please keep us posted as to how both of you (and the new companion) are doing.

 

[Casey02]

holly- I know your EXACT pain..I lost my horse in a car accident. It was absolutely terrible. I think because she was taken so quickly from me. By the time I got out to the accident she was breathing, and I was kneeling next to her and about one minute from that I felt a jolt from her body and I new she was gone..My friend had a horse that was boarded with her (this was a small place, family friend owned..only 3 horses at the time) and when we arrived at the accident she was standing right next to my mare who had been hit. She never left her side until we brought her back to the barn. I had to have my mare dragged back to our barn. I was terrified to go in to the barn after that because that is where we had to keep her body until we could bury it (2 days later). May I add I have NEVER seen two mares get along like our two had. In fact I remember when my friend got her horse. The day my friend brought her mare home there was no fighting AT ALL. They instantly clicked. And were at each others side at allll times. After the accident my friends horse became a little different. The first few days she was almost grieving, wouldn't eat all of her food ect. After about 3 weeks she started picking on the one other horse out there (who was owned by my same friend) may I mind you he was under weight and we found out that he was 30 years old. She would beat him up, chase him off ect and that was NOT like her to do. Almost like the horse was bored. My friend became scared of her own mare. I think she was shaken up by what happened to my horse and was to scared to do anything with her own horse. It took months for her to gain the confidence and realize that her horse hadn't done anything wrong. I rode her horse quiet a few time by myself after the accident, but it took me weeks to convince my friend to even pick her feet out. After I got my new horse, things started to settle back down. My friend and I went for a ride and she couldn't believe she had waited t long to do so. It went just fine!

The moral of the story is, I felt like crap for months about my mare, I couldn't even stand to hear her name with out bawling. Give it time and I promise that it will get better. I think you just needed to vent to people that actually understand. Do not give up on your horse, it my friend took months for her to ride her horse but to this day still has that same mare! And I myself have found a new horse that I have almost owned for 3 years now. Don't give up on this horse, it may be tough now but in the end it will be worth it

Sorry for the novel and I didn't mean in anyway to take over this thread. I just wanted to know that it will take time and I understand

P.s the bay on the left in my avatar is my friends horse (the one who got along with my mare so well) and the chestnut on the right is my new horse

 

[HollyLolly]

Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it! Casey, thank you for sharing your story, it is similar to my situation, and it's nice to know that things settled back down. I'm so sorry you lost your horse, it's so awful; I'm glad you found another horse (they never replace). I always think that they'd want you to keep going, it just throws you for ages, and I just needed to talk to people who would understand and be as sensitive as you guys. Thank you everyone

 

[Casey02]

Its hard now but it wont be for long I promise! Though I can never replace my mare and man did I love her, I am sure happy with the horse I have now. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[HollyLolly]

Just an update, Velvet is a LOT calmer now. She doesn't particularly like the companion pony, but she does like having him around. I think she loves him really, despite the ears back when he comes to her hehe

Thank you for your support guys, you helped me so much!

 

[Prinella]

Don't forget you're probably giving off some vibes too. Take your time don't focus on schooling just 'play' with her be it jumping, a trail painting her braiding, try vaulting.

Basically don't set any goals