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Good work!!!

I can't use paint to save my life, hence why I stick with my dry mediums!! So i can't help you with paint technique, but I know my proportions so can comment there. Others have said it already, it is the size of the cheek and length of the head that you need to look at, much more so than the shading. The cheek is accounting for more than half of the length of the head. If you go back and have a look at your reference photo, I bet her cheek will only take up about 1/3. Because the cheek is too big in your painting, it makes the length of her head look out of proportion.
You have two options if you want to get it back into proportion. You can either reduce the size and thickness of the cheek by giving it a couple of layers of white paints, letting it dry and them trying to get the pink over it to bring the cheek in a little. Then using some toning to make the cheek so of blend into the rest of the face. So add a small amount of black along the front of the cheek, and then a little gold as highlights. (sorry if this isn't making sense!)

The other option will be to leave the cheek as is, and lengthen the whole head. Which would mean having to re-do your nostril and mouth again. You want to have it in the same proportions as the painting on the right. At the moment it looks like two different horses, with the one on the right a very attractive and 'noble' looking horse, with the one of the left looking like a cute pony.

If I was doing it I would chose to lessen the thickness of the cheek, far less work involved doing it that way ;)

Otherwise, I really do like how you've worked this painting, it's better than I could do!
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