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Discussion Starter #1
I have recently moved barns to one that's closer to me. I used to ride at this barn about 7 or 8 years ago and i had to leave, partly because the owner was a horrible, HORRIBLE person (and partly because at the end of it all i was being taught by 15 year olds, who were still students themselves, which didn't impress me). Well, i thought that now i'm a proper adult maybe things will be different, boy was i wrong. She didn't remember me at all, but right from the get go, the FIRST meeting, she was horrible. She's most definitely up on her high horse (pun intended :lol:).
Anyone would have thought that she was trying to provoke me into an all out fight she was so rude...all this, and in our first meeting. I didn't do or say anything to provoke this, yet she was so rude. It was as though she downright hated me, making snide, horrible comments and being outright condescending. It was almost unbelievable. She's actually known for being like this, but hell, i ride horses for fun. I'm not going to come here and PAY for fun, only to be shouted at and being made to feel like an idiot, which is how she made me feel.

I haven't had a lesson with her yet, but as another peson told me "she doesn't suffer fools". And here i am, only just starting to ride again after a VERY long break. I'm basically a beginner again. I AM going to make mistakes and my legs will NOT be strong enough yet.... i don't think i'll be able to handle her attitude... but the thing is, my options are limited.

This barn is the closest one to me, and that's not all. I plan to lease a horse in the summer, and her prices are the best. She's looking for around £100-£150 per month (probably £120 for what i'd be looking for) and the other barn that's 40 minutes away from me where i had 3 lessons would be asking £220.
But it's not that easy. She has a limit on leasing horses, meaning that if i lease, it has to be at 3 month long intervals. Thing is, i would never be able to afford that. I could only ever do one month at a time to allow me to budget for the next month. In other words, if i were to lease for one month, come the end of that month i MAY be able to lease for a futher month, and come the end of THAT month i MAY be able to do the third month. There's no way i'd be able to commit to 3 months right off the bat. Because of this i need to feel that i can negotiate with her, therefore i can't exactly go around fighting with her, bumping heads and burning bridges (one of her employees hinted that if she knew me and we got along i could do it month by month). But she's just SO horrible and abrasive that it kind of defeats my aim of going there to have FUN.

How do i deal with this character?? I have no idea where to start. I don't want to be walked all over and being treated like an idiot but i can't be constantly fighting with her either if i am to get what i want...

Can anyone help?
 

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It kind of sounds like this isn't the right barn for you. Proximity is only 1 factor in finding the right fit. You have to be able to get along with this person, and if you already feel a personality conflict, you are likely going to be very unhappy. It sounds like you need to keep looking.
 

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If this person was so horrible years ago, why did you go back to that barn? People do not change their personalities, and you being an adult has nothing to do with it.

I'd rather board and take lessons at a barn farther from home, without all the drama. In the long run, you're going to hate riding and will stop altogether if you stay there.

Now to address the horse leasing issue. I don't know of anyone who will agree to a month-to-month lease on a horse. Most contracts are anywhere from 3 months to over a year.

Your asking for a month-to-month lease makes it impossible for the horse to be leased out to someone else in a timely manner if you can't come up with funds for the next month, so you're the one being unreasonable in this instance.

Leasing is about bringing in money for the horse owner, and if you're unable to sign a contract for more than a month at a time, you're a liability. I'd never lease a horse under those circumstances, either.

So to summarize, you hate this woman, you hate her barn, and yet her leasing prices are cheap so you're basing your decision to stay on that. However, since your finances are iffy you don't know if you'll be able to sign a standard leasing contract anyway.

Based on everything I'd say cut your losses, find another barn, forget about leasing for now, and just ride lesson horses until you're in a more financially secure position.
 

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I agree totally with Speed Racer!

I would rather do without a horse for the immediate future than put up with someone like her. Keep looking you WILL find the right situation!

Rhonda
 

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I also totally agree with Speed Racer.
 

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^^ unless of course people lease their horse out for the horse's benefit and not to make money

either way this barn does not seem like the place for you. you will be much happier driving a bit further & possibly paying a bit more if you enjoy your time there
 

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I agree with Speed Racer too. Definitely don't go to that barn if you hate it that much. And maybe you can pick up another shift at work to be able to lease a horse at a better place.
 

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Discussion Starter #8 (Edited)
Leasing on a month to month basis seems to be standard practise here actually. I called up two other barns besides the two i have already been involved with and each of those two it was a month to month basis (one, including my other barn even did week by week, but it was all just too expensive).

And i'm pretty sure i'd be leasing the actual lesson horses that belong to her personally, not a livery horse so she has more wriggle room in these things.
 

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^ Save up for one of the more expensive ones. Sure, you won't have a horse right away, but if you lease at a bad barn you won't be having fun anyway.
 

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If it were me, I wouldn't have put up with being talked down to from the get go. I wouldn't suggest you try and put up with it now, either. If you aren't boarding a horse there, go ahead and find another barn. If the personality of the instructor doesn't mesh well with yours, then you aren't going to learn anything.
 

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^^ unless of course people lease their horse out for the horse's benefit and not to make money
That does happen, but this is a public stable with the horses owned by the BO/instructor. For someone like that it really is all about the money, and leasing on a month-to-month basis means her cash flow would be inconsistent at best.

Dizzy, you're thinking all wrong here. Regardless of what the other stables in your area do, the 3-month lease is what this woman requires.

Sucking up to her and trying to befriend her just to get her to agree to let you lease on a monthly basis makes you no better than her, since you won't really be in it for the friendship, but to get something you want. That attitude really doesn't make me sympathetic to your plight. In fact, it makes me wonder about your ethics and morals.

Why is it not right for her to act as she pleases on her own property, but it's okay for you to be a con artist and try to get what you want out of her by pretending to be her friend?

You don't want suggestions on how to get back into riding and taking enjoyment from it, you want us to tell you how to scam this woman into giving you what you want. That's messed up.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
That does happen, but this is a public stable with the horses owned by the BO/instructor. For someone like that it really is all about the money, and leasing on a month-to-month basis means her cash flow would be inconsistent at best.

Dizzy, you're thinking all wrong here. Regardless of what the other stables in your area do, the 3-month lease is what this woman requires.

Sucking up to her and trying to befriend her just to get her to agree to let you lease on a monthly basis makes you no better than her, since you won't really be in it for the friendship, but to get something you want. That attitude really doesn't make me sympathetic to your plight. In fact, it makes me wonder about your ethics and morals.

Why is it not right for her to act as she pleases on her own property, but it's okay for you to be a con artist and try to get what you want out of her by pretending to be her friend?

You don't want suggestions on how to get back into riding and taking enjoyment from it, you want us to tell you how to scam this woman into giving you what you want. That's messed up.
Wow have you got me all wrong. So wrong it's hilarious actually. This is the seond time today i've been judged harshly by someone who doesn't even know me. With an attitude like that take a look at yourself before calling anyone else "messed up".

I want to stay at this barn, keep my horse at this barn, and GET ALONG NICELY WITH EVERYONE. And i never said i'd suck up to her. In fact, i'm sure i just said i don't want to be fighting with her. This is a business and i expect nothing more that a civil business relationship. I'm paying her for a service. Is it so much to ask for her to be CIVIL? I NEVER said i wanted to be her friend. And since i was told by the manager of this business that she does do it on a month to month basis why is it so out of the question for me to look for that??
 

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I dont understand why you went back... are you sure its worth it? would it be more worth while to pay a little extra and travel a little further to be treated decently?
I cant understand why a person can run a business like that if she is so rude to people.
 

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Dizzy, there are 2 issues here: You disliking her personality, and wanting a month by month lease. The second to me is not really an issue because she has a policy and it's hardly fair to ask her to make exceptions to a new client. Once you are an established client whom she knows she can rely on, maybe she'll be more apt to make an exception.

The first issue is the one that will be a problem from the get go, and you can do something about it. Her personality is what it is, and if it already makes you uneasy, then you need to seriously consider if you could work with her at all. Riding when you're stressed out or unhappy will certainly lead to bad consequences. You are very connected to that horse at that time, and the horse really feels your emotion. Being under stress or becoming stressed throughout the lesson will not end pleasantly. What's the point of riding if there is no enjoyment in it?

This does not sound like it is going to work out well for you. I would seriously look elsewhere. You have to be able to have a good working relationship with your BO/instructor because your animal is in her care, and you are trying to learn from her.
 

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Stand up to her and let her know that you are paying her and you expect certain amount of respect. I would bet that you get along much better with her if you set the ground rules now. Don't wait until your mad to confront her. do it when you are calm and be civil and nice about it. If that doesn't work fire her and find another barn.
 

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I dont understand why you went back... are you sure its worth it? would it be more worth while to pay a little extra and travel a little further to be treated decently?
I cant understand why a person can run a business like that if she is so rude to people.

Actually there have been a lot of complaints about her, and a lot of people have stopped going there, simply because of her nasty attitude. They've lost a hell of a lot of business at this point. The manager herself told me this (though i already knew it), and that because of that, it should be a lot easier to have a month to month contract.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Dizzy, there are 2 issues here: You disliking her personality, and wanting a month by month lease. The second to me is not really an issue because she has a policy and it's hardly fair to ask her to make exceptions to a new client. Once you are an established client whom she knows she can rely on, maybe she'll be more apt to make an exception.

The first issue is the one that will be a problem from the get go, and you can do something about it. Her personality is what it is, and if it already makes you uneasy, then you need to seriously consider if you could work with her at all. Riding when you're stressed out or unhappy will certainly lead to bad consequences. You are very connected to that horse at that time, and the horse really feels your emotion. Being under stress or becoming stressed throughout the lesson will not end pleasantly. What's the point of riding if there is no enjoyment in it?

This does not sound like it is going to work out well for you. I would seriously look elsewhere. You have to be able to have a good working relationship with your BO/instructor because your animal is in her care, and you are trying to learn from her.

Due to a loss in business (a lot of people have left because of her nasty attitude) the manager told me that it's likely that she'd do it on a month to month basis more readily. On top of that, she told me that she does it all the time for her other clients anyway, and the 3 month lease is more of a default, rather than cast iron rule.

As for her personality, it's such an issue that it's costing her more business than just me (which explains her cheap leasing prices). I tried to be friendly but i was just met with insults...and i'm just not used to not getting along with people, for no reason especially. At least the barn that's 45 mins away from me is warm and friendly. I get along with those people like a house on fire, and they do a month by month lease but it's just way more expensive.
 

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Okay, that's just the way she is. I can't imagine trying to suck it up and suffer. If the other barn (while a bit more expensive) is that much better, I'd spend the extra money. It sound like there is just too much drama at the barn you're at now, and who has time for all that? If the extra cost might prevent you from leasing, but you can board and take lessons without the drama, I would do that. Sanity is priceless. Maybe there are other options, like the instructor using your horse for lessons in exchange for using one of his or hers. Just a thought. I know at the farm where I ride, a couple of boarded horses are used for lessons from time to time, and the owner either gets a cut on boarding, or a free lesson in exchange.
 

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Actually there have been a lot of complaints about her, and a lot of people have stopped going there, simply because of her nasty attitude. They've lost a hell of a lot of business at this point. The manager herself told me this (though i already knew it), and that because of that, it should be a lot easier to have a month to month contract.
Im mot suprised! anyway the main thing is i wish you luck in resolving this, i dont know the situation fully and if you think the barn and facilities are worth it, then they probably are, shes just one woman! although, sounds like a very irritating one :-x. Good Luck and have fun with your new lease horse :)
 

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I want to stay at this barn, keep my horse at this barn, and GET ALONG NICELY WITH EVERYONE. And i never said i'd suck up to her. In fact, i'm sure i just said i don't want to be fighting with her. This is a business and i expect nothing more that a civil business relationship. I'm paying her for a service. Is it so much to ask for her to be CIVIL? I NEVER said i wanted to be her friend. And since i was told by the manager of this business that she does do it on a month to month basis why is it so out of the question for me to look for that??
Your first post said nothing about her agreeing to do a monthly lease, only that one of her employees HINTED that she might do it 'if she liked you'.

In fact, you stated that she NORMALLY requires a 3 month lease contract.

That's in your original post, and I can only go by what you put down. If there's a misunderstanding it's obviously because YOU'RE not being clear when you post, not because I or anyone else have a reading comprehension problem.

Apparently it IS too much to ask for this woman to be civil. You knew years ago when you boarded there that she was a shrew, and yet somehow you think she's going to change now because you want her to? That's her MO and personality, and you are not going to change it.

If you're not being treated civilly by someone you're paying for a service, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE WHERE YOU WILL BE. Why is that so hard for you to understand?

The image I'm getting is of someone who sees a less expensive lease than anywhere else, and instead of realizing that the situation is impossible and only going to result in grief and ulcers, expects things to just magically work out.

Yeah, good luck with that.

Oh, and titling your thread, "My riding instructor/barn owner is downright horrible." doesn't put you in the best of light, either.
 
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