[Whinnie]

Several years ago I belonged to a forum (not horse) that allowed for one to start a private thread and invite others they wished to participate. For example, I want to ask something but know the particular subject causes a great deal of dissention and want to discuss with certain others with whom I was comfortable and whose opinions I respect . I could get several opinions without pm each one individually. It works well with controversial subjects. Would HF be in favor of developing something like this? Or can chat be made private by invitation (I admit, I have never tried chat, not sure how it works).

 

[tinyliny]

how did that work for that forum? didn't it end up with all the interesting discussions locked away in private rooms? didn't it take energy away from the whole forum? didn't it promote enclaves where members can privately gossip about other members? that's what would worry me.

 

[Rain Shadow]

You mean the mods don't trust us?

 

[Whinnie]

how did that work for that forum? didn't it end up with all the interesting discussions locked away in private rooms? didn't it take energy away from the whole forum? didn't it promote enclaves where members can privately gossip about other members? that's what would worry me.

Nope. I used it one time, for example, when I found out my niece was gay and I needed to ask questions. There were several forum members who were religious and would start preaching on threads regarding this issue. I just wanted some perspective from certain members who I knew would be helpful and whose views I respected, even if they were different from mine.


That site has been in existence for more than 20 years (it is for second wives primarily) and has never seemed to have a problem with the private threads. They didn't worry about "gossip".

 

[jaydee]

I believe that for various reasons including some legal one's that even if you did have 'private' threads they would still be visible to the Admin team.

 

[Whinnie]

I believe that for various reasons including some legal one's that even if you did have 'private' threads they would still be visible to the Admin team.

They were visible to Admin, just not to general members who had not been invited.

 

[Whinnie]

how did that work for that forum? didn't it end up with all the interesting discussions locked away in private rooms? didn't it take energy away from the whole forum? didn't it promote enclaves where members can privately gossip about other members? that's what would worry me.

Since that is not where I was going with this enquiry, it just now occurred to me that it appears you are implying I asked about private threads for the purpose of gossiping. I am really offended by that.

 

[equinesmitten]

how did that work for that forum? didn't it end up with all the interesting discussions locked away in private rooms? didn't it take energy away from the whole forum? didn't it promote enclaves where members can privately gossip about other members? that's what would worry me.

I agree. I was a moderator at a site similar to the "second wives" site mentioned, quite possibly the very same one. It was very toxic but I was much younger then and my experiences there actually made me wary of joining this site. But I am glad I did.

 

[tinyliny]

Since that is not where I was going with this enquiry, it just now occurred to me that it appears you are implying I asked about private threads for the purpose of gossiping. I am really offended by that.

I apologize. I did not mean to come off that way. I am often very direct. I really am curious as to how well the forum functioned with this feature. I have very little experience with other forums.

And, I really AM worried that such a feature would adversely impact the forum as a whole for the reasons I stated

 

[stevenson]

what do you mean by 'second wives '? as in divorced and remarried or are you
meaning as multiple wifes ?
If you want only certain people to discuss matters with private message them .
or get their private emails .
Forums and Chat rooms are for all members.

 

[equinesmitten]

what do you mean by 'second wives '? as in divorced and remarried or are you
meaning as multiple wifes ?
If you want only certain people to discuss matters with private message them .
or get their private emails .
Forums and Chat rooms are for all members.

I can't speak for the OP but my experience was with a "support group" of sorts for women who were married (or not) to men who had been in a previous marriage (possibly sharing children with) someone else. At the time I joined, I was pretty much thrown a 10 year old boy to raise while my husband was deployed in Iraq. Childless by choice person myself, I struggled. It was not my finest year and in some ways, the site really got me through. But there were many downfalls also and ultimately, I don't think it was too healthy for me personally. Of course, that was 10 years ago and I'm certainly more mature. (cough cough wink wink)

 

[jaydee]

Since that is not where I was going with this enquiry, it just now occurred to me that it appears you are implying I asked about private threads for the purpose of gossiping. I am really offended by that.

You shouldn't be offended and I see no reason why you would be. You need to stop thinking that if something like you're suggesting was possible/allowed it would be all about you and the thread(s) you posted on it.
That is not how it would work.
The reality is that if it did happen it would be something that was there for all members to take advantage of and if you think that there wouldn't be plenty who would try to use it for malicious gossiping you are being rather naïve.

 

[Roman]

You shouldn't be offended and I see no reason why you would be. You need to stop thinking that if something like you're suggesting was possible/allowed it would be all about you and the thread(s) you posted on it.
That is not how it would work.
The reality is that if it did happen it would be something that was there for all members to take advantage of and if you think that there wouldn't be plenty who would try to use it for malicious gossiping you are being rather naïve.

Moderators can moderate that, and place a rule. But, I don't really see the point? What kind of thread would someone only want to invite select people to? If, for example, there's a support thread like equinesmitten talked about, how would one know about the thread to ask to be invited to to share their advice and experience? Unless the thread is there but you can't access it - but you can see the title. Still, it'll be quite the job to go through and accept people that want to be invited and then who knows if they'll really offer advice?

 

[Whinnie]

You know, I just asked. No problem. Plenty of good reasons not too.

 

[Whinnie]

what do you mean by 'second wives '? as in divorced and remarried or are you
meaning as multiple wifes ?
If you want only certain people to discuss matters with private message them .
or get their private emails .
Forums and Chat rooms are for all members.

A second wife in U.S. culture is a woman whose spouse was previously married.

 

[Whinnie]

I apologize. I did not mean to come off that way. I am often very direct. I really am curious as to how well the forum functioned with this feature. I have very little experience with other forums.

And, I really AM worried that such a feature would adversely impact the forum as a whole for the reasons I stated

If it had been worded as above, I would not have been offended. I had a couple of specific questions but I will just PM a few members, as suggested, for answers. No problem.

 

[LlamaPacker]

Now you've got us all curious as to that very interesting topic we're not going to get to be part of ... oh well, we can't have everything.