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The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex..
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the
family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'


Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather
small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed
him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large
stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father..'


One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her
92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and
ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment,
killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of
murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could
screw, the old ******* could fly.'


A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we
put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here,
years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and
none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our
drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous
of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me
what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years
after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in
the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'


Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old
blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently
to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very
first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy
girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are
knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to
marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell
her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'


Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As
they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the
process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She
showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when
they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America
with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on
bus tours!
 

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Haha. Some of these were bad ones :lol:.
 
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