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From the time I was nine years old and I saw the twin towers fall I knew I wanted to enlist in the army. Some mit say that's crap, that a nine year old wouldn't understand the repercussions, the tragedy, the full spectrum of what joining the military means but, it did.
I enlisted hoping to make a difference, to protect my country, my loved ones. I knew I could, and probably would deploy, see combat, and I was ready, I embraced it.
I enlisted on my 17th birthday, before my senior year.
I went to basic and was told I'm gonna deploy.I went to AIT and was told I was gonna deploy. Okay bring it. Then I got my orders for Hawaii.at first I was like, okay, people deploy from there all the time.
Now I've been here for 8 months, with no guarentee of ever deploying.
My friends are all deployed out of hood to Iraq, and Afghanistan. One of them just came here from Iraq for block leave. Seeing him, he's the same as he always was in AIT, but he's been over there. He's seen things, done things I can only hope to do.
I feel so incompetent next to them. I put on my uniform and feel fake, I don't feel worthy of standing next to them, when I haven't even been in combat, and they're getting ready to go back.
My friend is excited to go, and I can't even keep my head together in Hawaii, its supposed to be paradise here, but I feel like I'm in a prison.I know my job here is important, but all I want to do is be deployed with my brothers, to fight by their sides and have their backs. I got a taste of that bond, that brother/sisterhood in basic and I crave it.
And I know that's selfish. Here I am able to talk to my family everyday, never in danger, sleeping in my own bed at night

Am I wrong to want this so much?
 

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Not at all. I know a lot of times they look for recruits for voluntary deployments so you may want to ask about that. Or ask for a transfer to a place you're likely to get (aka: iraq, Iran, Korea, or even Germany). Keep your head up! You're doing great :)
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Absolutely not. It's your goal and dream and if that's what you really want, there's no need to be ashamed over that. Since reaching that depends on someone else, it can naturally feel frustrating if you can't do anything more for that.

I'm sure your country appreciates your dedication for that thing. Any country would. Don't be ashamed next to your friends even you haven't been chosen (yet) since you know that you'll be ready to give the same if your turn is there once.
 
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