The Journey of a Horsewoman

I have decided to create a new journal. I felt like in my old journal Training Charlie, I really focused on how I was training Charlie specifically, hence the thread title. I want to create a thread the chronicles my journey as/to become a horsewoman; a horse trainer. I desire it to be more broad and I will include thoughts about horse training and care books I read. As well as horse related things I am thinking about.
And so, I shall begin to record my journey.
To begin with, yesterday I felt extremely discouraged. I had done some work with my OTTB Charlie and I felt like everything was a fight that day. Grooming was horrible. I fed Charlie his outlast treats to help his stomach and he had recently finished his hay net. So he shouldn't be having pain from something like ulcers... But unfortunately, he still tried to bite me, he tried to kick at me, he was overall very irritable and even dangerous to be around.
Charlie was still tender and lame on his front feet especially at the trot from possibly his hoof trimming which was two weeks ago. He was also trying to bite at me and being completely uncompliant the entire time I was trying to do easy things with him.
Finally, I decided the best thing to do would be to put him away.
After I let him loose and put Rumor (my mini) in his pen for the night Charlie got all excited and rude. He bucked rather to close to my head, pawed, snorted etc. I then decided that if he wanted to continue acting like such a brat, I was going to do something about it. So I grabbed a lead rope and made him canter/trot around his pen, which is about the size of a larger round pen with corners added onto it. After a few loops, when I noticed he was paying attention to me again I stopped, turned around, did not make eye contact and waited. He immediately stopped, but was unwilling to approach me. So after 30 or so seconds I approached him to pet him, but he raced off again. So we repeated the process 2-3 more times before he stopped and when I slowly walked away from him, would follow me. That was somewhat of a relief. I based what I was doing off of Monty Roberts Join-Up. I just thought it might be a good thing to do at the time.

Later that evening I went and laid down in the tall grass at the end of our property just to be away from everything and think. It was very quite and peaceful. It was relaxing to look up into the blue sky and smell the sweetness of the grass.
I then did some serious thinking and praying. I was feeling sad, angry, frustrated, and unsure about what to do. I really felt that Charlie had ulcers. It just made sense. But the treatment and supplements would be so expensive and I wasn't sure if that was going to be in the budget. I also even considered if maybe we should sell Charlie and Rumor. It might just be better in the long run for me and him.
I then realized that I had been putting my love and passion of horses in front of God. And that I was putting my hope of happiness in my horses which they ultimately cannot fulfill. I realized that maybe God was telling me through Charlie's behavior that horses cannot satisfy me, and that they were becoming a major stumbling block in my faith. I did some more praying. God reminded me that he always remembers me and sees me in all my troubles. He knows when a sparrow falls, he cares so much more for me and he will take care of me. He is who I should cling to when troubles come my way. Horses will not be able to help me.
I just really felt a peace that transcends understanding. It was good to be peaceful and rest in God's almighty, all-knowing care and love.
I then went and checked on Charlie. And prayed that God would do a miracle and heal Charlie of his ulcers or whatever was the problem.
I went and petted Charlie as he ate his hay. He did not flinch one bit or care at all as I petted him all over.
I was frankly amazed.
Today, I did a little work with Charlie again. I got him out and groomed him. He acted amazing! I do not think I have had such a good, nice grooming session with him for a very long time. I then went into the arena and walked him around, did a little longing. It was obvious that he is still really tender on his front feet.
I then practiced with Charlie standing square. He finds it a bit frustrating.
Then I worked on walking and then stopping and backing up. We didn't do so good on that...
When I put pressure on the lead rope and the just gently but firmly hold that pressure he just leans against and almost fall asleep! I have to admit, I got rather frustrated! 😬 I just wish he would try harder. He would just lean against the pressure for the longest a few minutes! If I started rubbing the rope halter back and forth or bumping his nose with it he would get angry, scared, and confused.
He will stop okay when I slowly put on pressure very lightly. But he still has his nose sticking way out and bad posture. He doesn't give to the pressure he tosses his head, roots his nose forward, and pulls.
Whether it was my changed demeaner today or if God truly did do a miracle and heal Charlie of ulcers or whatever was so bothering him, Charlie truly did act so much better! We did have the problem with stopping. But for the almost year that I have owned Charlie he has always had that problem whether he has on a bridle and bit or a halter of any kind. He has only gotten better with giving. He is better at giving laterally then vertically though. Stopping will definitely need more work!
But I am so happy and relived at his changed attitude when I groomed him and walked him around! It was SO much nicer and more enjoyable to work with him today even with the problems! I expect problems. He is a green horse anyway who has never had proper training despite him being almost 18.
I will keep this thread updated on how Charlie does the next few days!!