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4,685 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As
I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year- old shout from the back seat,
'Mom! That lady isn' t wearing a seat belt!'

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.'

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle.'

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?' 'Yes', I answered and continued
writing the report. 'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is
that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she
extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a
little boy staring in at me 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked
'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the
back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes,
walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And
why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning. '

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting
my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write and they won't
let me talk!'

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What
have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear.'


1,348 Posts
Number 4 and 8 are priceless!

671 Posts
Bahaha funny funny. :D

531 Posts
priceless so funny

6,880 Posts

Blessed are the mouths of children.
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