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Normally, I'd go along with the, "mind your own business" thing, but I feel like as she is my friend, I'd like to have a conversation with her..since I believe it's getting tithe point of becoming dangerous..
Now, both myself and another leasor are worried about our friend, who treats the horse she is leasing like she were a human. She doesn't correct her, and the mare has absolutely no respect for her. She thinks that if she corrects the mare, that she won't like her or want to be around her anymore.

My friend and I want to explain to her that she needs to be firm with this horse and not treat it like a baby, because this mare is going to hurt her. She has the potential to have a great relationship with the mare, but she needs to correct her and be the leader.

I want to make sure I can get my point across, but make sure she understands that I'm not trying to degrade and attack her, and that I'm just worried about her. I don't wantto come off as one of those riders/handlers that think they're know-it-alls..ya know?

I'm just asking for some different ways to say something to her..I have what I would normally say to anyone, but I'm a rather blunt person..which doesn't really help when I want to be gentle and explain something to someone and get somewhere with it..
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Leave her.

Some time soon she'll have an accident and she'll come crying, then you get to say I told you so.. now this is how you do it.

Until something bad happens, she won't believe you.
 

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Again, agree with Duffy. If it were like a riding tip, then I'd say differently. But if she's unwilling to view her horse as a horse.. instead of her my little pony best snuggle buddies forever pal, then one of these days she'll notice her horse is pushing her around and whatnot and wonder why this happens.

Just if it's about to get bad.. then obviously tell her without any subtlety like if her horse starts charging at her or rearing.
 

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Those kind of things are a double edged sword. It's hard to watch but it's really not your place to say anything.

Does the owner of the horse see or know how it's being handled? That would be the person who would have the right to say something.
 

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The wise people who already answered have the correct answer. But, me, being the know it all I kind of am, would just HAVE to say something. So, I might phrase it either in terms of being worried for their safety.

Or, when you see the hrose barging into her space and pushing inconveniently onto her, you can ask, "Do you like it when he does that?" If she says, "No", then you say, "may I show you another way of dealing with that?" and off you go . . .
 

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Discussion Starter #6
The horse is suppose to be a type of "lesson" horse, and a show horse for the girl. I feel like the only reason she hasn't gotten it yet is that she's only been told by a person her age. I wanted to talk to her as a friend before talking to BO/Owner because I know BO won't try and relate with her about it.

I would leave it, like I have been. The thing is, she's been trying to lunge the horse lately (for the -wrong- reason) and the horse kicks, bucks, charges, and rears during these sessions so I've heard.

I'm willing to let her be a little put off as long as she takes it into consideration, but I know almost positively that the most she'll do is not listen to me, just by knowing her personality. I wanted to just talk to her about it before I told BO because I feel like she'd be more comfortable with me talking with her and explaining to her about it.

I understand that it's a double-edged sword and it's possible she would hate me, but I don't feel that if I said it without just being blunt and saying it (such as explaining and relating to her, which I can) that there would be no strife between us because of it.
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A lesson horse it will be though, one of hard knocks.

Honestly, let her crack on. If you interfere she may take it completely the wrong way, and then when things do go wrong, you're still stuck.

When things do go wrong, be the kightness in shining armour and grab the horse, do some basic ground work with it and let her see it can be easily managed.

But until the day she gets a finger bit off or a hoof print on her leg she'll just think you're a busy body.
 

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I would leave it, like I have been. The thing is, she's been trying to lunge the horse lately (for the -wrong- reason) and the horse kicks, bucks, charges, and rears during these sessions so I've heard.

I'm willing to let her be a little put off as long as she takes it into consideration, but I know almost positively that the most she'll do is not listen to me, just by knowing her personality. I wanted to just talk to her about it before I told BO because I feel like she'd be more comfortable with me talking with her and explaining to her about it.
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Well tell her anyway. Be like "hey I noticed your horse is acting silly when you lunge him.. I've found that if you do more groundwork, then the horse doesn't act up as much. I just don't want to see you get hurt. Let me know if you need any help" something like that.

Better that she dislikes you for being a busy body (you aren't btw :)) than having a hernia by getting rundown by a horse.
 

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people that haven't asked for help might get annoyed when you offer it, I'd leave her to learn a lesson if I were you
 

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that is always the tough one. Many people on this forum state their case about various kinds of training problems they read about here with great passion because they genuinely have a vision of danger for the handler and feel a "duty" to warn them. They take the risk of offending the person in question. However, that's internet advice, at a distance, not face to face.

I know that if I saw what I thought was a really dangerous situation in the making, I simply would not be able to do nothing.
 

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I agree with tinyliny. I don't care if I get slapped, I don't want to see someone get seriously hurt or a horse get in trouble.

There was one time a lady wouldn't tie her lease horse.. she'd wrap the rope like a coil around the post and walk off to do whatever. Well her horse got seriously tangled and pulled himself tight and got his foot there and his head was here.. it was a mess. So I went over, untangled him.. and then told the lady she shouldn't do that because I just saved him from a nasty pulled muscle, or worse.

She didn't from then on, she was actually thankful.

Another time, a horse spooked whilst tied and her owner was grabbing brushes.. this gelding went tearing across an active parking lot and found some grass but was too nervous to eat it. I took Sky's rope and caught him, brought him back and the owner saw me holding this horse by the jugular with a rope. I was honest and told her what happened, and she was SO happy because her horse could have gotten hit by a car or broken his leg in a pot hole or worse!

I've also had people yell at me and never talk to me again, but that's because I am young, they were older and they were embarrassed.

But like I said, rather get slapped in the face than have someone really hurt.
 

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I appreciate when people tell me what I need to work on. It might be because I'm older and my pride doesn't get in the way. The people at my barn tell me things to do/not to do all the time and I try really hard to listen and follow through. It might not be a bad idea to give it a shot. If she refused to listen, then you did what you could do.
 

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If this horse is a lesson horse or a potential competition prospect, the girl must have a trainer, correct? If I where you, I would leave this up to the girls trainer to correct.

For the first few weeks after I bought my first horse, I must admit...I was like your friend. I learned my lesson after my horse started acting up and testing me. I eventually sought help and started asking for advice.

She will probably get with the program soon. If not, the trainer should discuss this with her. I would not start giving unsolicited advice unless you see her in immediate danger (horse starts charging her, bucking around her, etc..). Only then (at the exact moment of the horses temper tantrum) would I say..."Hey, I can help you with some tricks I have learned".

Good Luck!
 

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That is tough.

I'd start casually discussing horse training with her, and tell her about how you're learning about horses needing firm leaders. Casually tell her stories of other horses you knew that were taking advantage of their owners and then what the owners did about it.

Don't specifically say that she is doing it, but you could throw in there examples of the bad horse behavior, and how it can get worse.

It will plant the seed at the very least. She'll start thinking about it, and maybe start to pay attention. If she doesn't seem to get it, keep "discussing" horse training and manners with her. Hopefully she'll get it... otherwise you could mention to a trainer that she should keep an eye on your friend, and let the trainer observe and take it from there.
 

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I agree with ptvintage. Rather than say "this is what you should do", you can say "I had a friend whose horse did that, and this is what worked for her".
Then it is up to her whether she pays heed or not, and you don't come off sounding like you are telling her what to do.
 

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Wait till she asks you for help. Until then, it is none of your business what she does with her horse.

...since I believe it's getting tithe point of becoming dangerous..
This is a fairly subjective observation. If she is in imminent danger, I suggest you appeal to a higher authority to talk to her - a trainer or BO for example.

I would leave it, like I have been. The thing is, she's been trying to lunge the horse lately (for the -wrong- reason) and the horse kicks, bucks, charges, and rears during these sessions so I've heard.
If there's one great piece of horse advice I can give :)wink:) it is to never, EVER, go by what you've 'heard'. Chinese whispers are especially rampant in the horse world. If you didn't see it with your own two eyes, don't take it as gospel.
 

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The role that a horse plays in a owner's life is a subject fit for a degree in psychology. Undoubtedly often the horse becomes a substitute for a lack of something in a human's life. The horse's role in some human's life is often to be the recipient of affection. For others a horse is a jumping machine.

Some of us older folks keep our horses in livery yards and there we watch often with increasing horror the antics of a new young owner playing with 500 kilos of muscle and blood. But what to do, we know from previous experience that if we put our nose in a young person's business we definitely risk a stern rebuff - if not from the young rider then perhaps from the mother or father who mostly knows nothing about horses. It is a very common problem.

Except in lethal circumstances, generally speaking we close our eyes, keep our own counsel and look the other way.

Personally I have reached the stage where I only interfere when the horse is at risk. The youngsters have to learn from experience. The owner of the yard also kept her distance. She was herself a very experienced horse woman who had ridden horses since a very young child. Tenants were left to find their own way.

At times there was indeed a need to rush in and grab the horse but surprisingly not that often. But three horses died in three years, they paid the price of ignorance.

Lunging a horse in a confined arena is an acquired knack. At one end of the lead rope is a powerful four legged animal and at the other end of a long rein is a mere human who is being spun round and round getting dizzy and usually calling out words, which the horse rarely understands. The human is wealding a whip in one hand and holding the rein, often wrapped around the wrist, in the other. Yes it is dangerous situation but rarely do I hear of someone being carted off to hospital.
Should one interfere? Well just how good are your communication skills? Are you prepared to be snubbed?
Will you do any good?

I suppose the answer for me lies in whether I care enough. If I care about both horse and rider then I stop, I think, I work out my opening line and then I jump in. If I am told to mind my own business, then I back off. Mostly I find I am listened to and then they go on much as before, but at least I tried.

Today whilst picking up dung, I was followed around the field by a 6yo 16h2 warmblood gelding who was chewing at the collar of my jacket. As I stood up the horse's nose was in my pocket seeking out the treats which are often there. When I turned round to say 'Oi' he stood his ground, imperiously looking down at mere me whilst sniffing at my beard. Some horsey folks would have been horrified. But at the time I was the object of a beautiful horse's interest and affection. I was so privileged. There was no way I would have chastised that animal for invading my space. Eventually I moved off out of his domain and the horse wandered off. I worry for that horse in the future when someone comes and buys him. His love of humans makes him vulnerable.

What's my conclusion about poking one's nose in? Well if you jump in, you might be rebuffed, if you ignore the situation then an accident might occur.

How much do you care? or why not toss a coin?
 
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