[SkyeLen]

I will admit... I'm nervous in posting this, but here goes!

Like many here, horses have always been an integral part of my life and who I am. Although I grew up having to admire them from a distance (though I would later volunteer at an Ag barn for free riding lessons in high school), I always dreamed that one day I would be where I am now. To be able to share my life with them rather than being that little girl... on the other side of the window always looking in. Truthfully, it is hard for me to believe that I have come so far from that girl - the one who would plaster horse stickers upon her walls (to the dismay of her parents) or who would pester her parents (also to their dismay ) about each and every horse she saw. Of course, it was a long rocky journey to where I am now with two beautiful horses... and I am realizing that the real journey is only beginning for me. So... after a lot of contemplation and pushing myself passed a wall of self doubt and anxiety in writing this - I am starting this journal not only as a means to track my progress (hopefully) but to have others share in my journey... and who knows, maybe take something out of it that will help them as countless others have helped me.

I bought my first horse in early June of 2014, a beautiful three year old bay grade mare who I named Echo. It would turn out to be one of the best... and the worst decisions of my life. I went into horse ownership with guns blazing and not the best judgement, to say the least. While I have met many young horses that were complete gems - I was in complete denial that I could purchase anything less than what I had experienced before. It was a sense of naivety that had the potential of ending far worse than it did, and while it was a dark cloud... there was a silver lining just waiting for me. However, I am getting ahead of myself.

I purchased the mare from what seemed like a lovely couple who meant well, and likely they did, but had no business owning this horse and neither did I. When I got there, the woman barely had a handle on her and seemed to be generally pretty timid around her horses. This was and should have been an enormous red flag for me - but as I've stated... rose colored glasses. The mare was spirited and smart and had a better sense of respect for the husband than she displayed for the wife. Still, I watched as they saddled the horse and got on her themselves, to which Echo worked brilliantly with them... her ground manners were certainly another story! Those I was sure I could fix. Big big mistake. I told them that I was interested in purchasing the horse after all was said and done but I wanted a day or two to talk it over - to which they agreed. It wasn't until later that night that I would find myself being pressured to make a decision.

A nasty habit that I still carry to this day, though manage far better now than I did then, is that I bite off way more than I can chew. It is like having an intense sense of anxiety and self doubt mixed with confidence far outweighing my experience or ability. This creates a cocktail that makes it difficult at times to know when to stay and when to walk away from decisions like this or when I am being pressured. So I said yes and would sign the bill of sale two days later.

I was overjoyed despite everything - I had done it. I had taken the initiative, I had pushed passed a lot of "I cant"s to make something I dreamed for, a reality. I found a place close by to board at and the owners were willing to trailer the horse in themselves - it seemed all too good to be true! Boy was it. This was the beginning of what would be an eye opening nightmare. After my horse got settled in and I had done countless hours of research to prepare myself for horse ownership and to work with her - I jumped right to it to try and get her ground manners somewhere more manageable as well as to establish a relationship of trust and mutual respect. That way I could adequately take care of my horse before eventually sending her (and I) to a trainer, which I had planned to the moment I signed those papers.

Immediately it was a disaster. She was pushy to the point it was common to have her throw her body into you and generally ignore ANY attempt to create boundaries. She immediately had my number and the woman who I boarded with as well. The only one that did not get completely railroaded was the husband... a clue that didn't resonate with me until 8-9 months later when I was able to send her to a trainer. I was desperate. This trainer was more than willing to take on a "problem" horse and had promised and encouraged working together to fix the issues we were having and give me the tools to communicate with this horse. I will say, we did get results but they would not be long lasting due to my crushed confidence and general fear of my own horse.

After the training period was up we moved to a closer barn - but I did not have any hope to continue and truthfully was desperate to get out before I got hurt or even killed. Part of me was sure that once I sold Echo... I never wanted to delve back into horse ownership again. The larger part of me told me that while this was an incredibly bad chapter in my life - it would be even worst to allow it to give up on what had been my dream. So I got with the trainer at the barn and he not only helped me find a suitable home for Echo but brought into my life one of the best teachers and friends I could ever meet.

Having Echo led me to Cid, my lovable goofy gelding who has helped instill confidence not only in my skills at riding and horse ownership... but life in general. He has helped heal a lot of scars brought on by moments of turmoil and bad decisions. Showing me that while my journey with horses did not start off on a good note... it didn't have to end on a bad one, or at all.

Introducing Cid:

 

[SkyeLen]

I sold Echo in the summer of 2015, a year and one month after I had purchased her. Taking the money I received from her I immediately put down a payment on a big seal bay gelding who I would later call Cid. I had had him for a week to test him out and get to know him as his owner was good friends with the trainer and also boarded her competition horse there - so I knew this time what I was getting into. That didn't stop me from being incredibly nervous... and who wouldn't be coming out of a situation like that?

Still. I had a sense that this was the right decision and after a week, I had enough confidence in that gelding to know that with some guidance he would bring me up from that pit I had dug myself; as well as teach me how to ride and manage a horse of my own... without the constant threat of being bitten or quite literally run over. He was an utter gentleman and displayed a sense of understanding that I can't begin to describe. He knew I was anxious and damaged from everything I had endured with Echo and quite literally baby sat me as I fought to get over it. Gradually I found myself growing more comfortable and finding a sense of confidence that was even stronger than what I had before I had ever purchased a horse.

Roughly two months after I purchased him, I was scheduled to fly to the UK to spend a month with my boyfriend at the time. He is/was an 3-day Eventer with a big bay Belgian Warmblood of his own - and I knew that he planned for us to do some riding while I was there... to which I nervously agreed as it was an opportunity I knew I would regret missing. The time I had spent with Cid, however, instilled enough confidence in me that when it came to riding another horse... I wasn't a complete train wreck. Admittedly... the height difference did take some getting used to! That vacation would have been an entirely different story without him I feel, and honestly? I wouldn't be here sharing any of this.

Of course it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine as the night before I was due to leave... he decided to scare the living daylights out of me and require me to call an emergency vet out to the barn at 8:30pm. 8 hours before my plane was due to take off. I had let him out to graze for a couple hours while I relaxed with a friend near by. (The place I was boarding at was... terribly managed. They didn't allow a horse to stay turned out longer than a few hours at a time.) Everything seemed completely fine when I went to bring him in and put him back into his stall for the night. That is... until I heard a gut wrenching cough. We lingered for a few minutes thinking it might have been dust as we live in what is essentially a dust bowl so coughing horses wasn't uncommon. After another cough I didn't want to take any chances and immediately called the vet out to come have a look.

He had developed a blockage in his throat that had compacted to the point that he couldn't properly swallow it and the vet had to force a tube and water down to try and clear it out. It took almost two hours for the vet to relieve Cid of the blockage and for me to be comfortable enough leaving him be in the stall for the night - under the belief that the BO would continuously check up on him and notify me if anything seemed amiss. Thankfully, no such texts were ever received and Cid was under the watchful care of my friend who was kind enough to administer his antibiotics during my time away. It did not stop me from worrying the entire time I was away, of course.

Cid getting a tube inserted into his throat while I stood by with a pail of water and my friend held the tube to keep it from tangling on us.

A couple shots from a ride I had in Northern Scotland. I almost didn't post the last one as my posture is AWFUL and that was about 25-30 pounds ago and weight was and still is one of my largest hang ups. Though I am still working on it every day.

 

[SkyeLen]

While I was in Scotland, my ex was brilliant in that he gave me a couple of lessons that really helped improve my riding and have stuck with me to this day. When I returned and saw the difference in how Cid moved out for me then compared to before I left fueled a deep desire to pursue riding more seriously, despite the anxiety that still lingered over my head. I made a point to ride 3 to 4 times every week using the techniques I had learned overseas as well as things I had observed watching other riders at my barn. It was amazing!

What wasn't amazing was the atmosphere of the barn upon my return. A toxic cloud of animosity and drama had permeated the place to the point you could see the behavior in the horses change in reaction to it. I had some inkling as to what I was going to come back to from the texts I had received while overseas. Though I had remained as optimistic as I could. The next three months were a roller coaster. On one hand things were going great on the horse front and I was happy with the progress I had made, on the other... it was completely miserable. I toughed it out as best I could, dealing with passive aggressive boarders as well as managers, constantly being nitpicked for money for damages my horse did not cause, and feeling generally unwelcome all around. There were numerous other little things that made it unpleasant, but it wasn't until I saw the care given to my horse decline in quality that I knew I absolutely had to get out.

I started looking for other boarding options - which proved to be incredibly frustrating as the area I am in is lacking in boarding facilities that are a reasonable drive from where I am currently living. Meanwhile, as you might imagine, the atmosphere steadily grew more unbearable and I was becoming a target. Thankfully, I did find a place and remembered that I had not signed a boarding agreement for Cid and had only had one for a horse that I did not own anymore. Meaning that legally I was not bound to the thirty days notice and so I scheduled to leave the very last day of what I had left of board. I feared had I given any notice (which had things been different I would have) that I would suffer repercussions and more importantly... my horse would too. I had witnessed too many questionable and frankly dangerous things to be at ease with them knowing I was leaving due to their behavior and that of some of their clientele. Both the managers were... temperamental, to put it mildly.

Fast forward to moving day, the barn owner at the place I am currently at came to load us up and take us to the new barn. The trainer/barn manager who for the most part at least attempted to be personable in that he usually ignored my existence was there working with one of his too many stallions. (He came from Mexico where apparently gelding is not as common a practice? That is where many of the horses he had came from and most of them were virtually unhandled by the time they had arrived.) Said trainer smiled and waved to both of us before continuing on his way - no questions asked or any show of concern as I lead Cid into the trailer while all my gear was being loaded into the back of the truck. Honestly, I was grateful the trainer had said nothing then but I wasn't prepared for the barrage of absolutely bizarre and aggressive texts I'd receive the rest of the week. In fact, the other manager even came to my personal residence a couple of times in an effort to confront me on having moved my horse. They also harassed my current barn owner and several close personal friends of his that happened to also be loosely connected to these people. It was... scary. Eventually, around two months later the harassment stopped and that particular chapter closed for the betterment of me and definitely my horse.

For the past year he has had turn out every single day with a group of geldings where as before it was unspokenly mandatory that horses were turned out alone if they were to be turned out at all. You either had to do it yourself or pay them an extra 100 a month to do it for you on top of already over priced services for the area and especially for what you recieved. I can't say the new place has been sunshine and roses either and the majority of my horses care has been good but it has slowly turned into a lesson barn and boarders have been dropping like flies. When I first arrived there were many boarders and some of us even formed a group to go trail riding on the weekends. Now, you'd be lucky to see a boarder and if you did it has been a battle to use the facilities as you are not only competing with them but several students as well. Numerous pieces of my equipment have been used, broken, or gone missing - and it is not uncommon for me to be glared at by students there as I arrive to spend time with my horses. Why am I being glared at, you may ask? Truthfully, your guess would be as good as mine. All I know is that while aspects have been great... I am definitely looking forward to having a place of my own and have been contacting several local barns to possibly take lessons there.

 

[SkyeLen]

I apologize if this is long and becoming slightly rambly or that it is broken up into several posts, I have been writing this and posting as I go to catch up to present day. As I believe everything that has lead up to where I am now is important as it is fundamental to many aspects of my journey forward. In the last post I did get a little ahead of myself... as I completely skipped a year and in turn how I came to have Skye.

Last winter I had started playing with the idea of a second horse. My confidence had begun to sore and my knowledge and experience acquired despite dealing with constant boarding drama made me a more solid rider. To the point that Cid's baby sitter mode has virtually disappeared and the old man throws me a couple curve balls now and then. Nothing, I have found, that I haven't been able to handle. It was a wake up call, as things I had flinched at two years ago were nothing for me now and he knew it. Of course, my idea of a second horse was initially something older... I had been playing with the 6-7 range if I did go for it. I found Skye instead... an 8 month (at the time) filly. I immediately told myself that I was insane for thinking it, but my gut was telling me that I should at the very least... go out and see this filly. I already had built up a connect with several trainers and instructors and had plans to continue avidly riding Cid for several more years. So... my mother and I drove out to go see the filly at the end of November. I watched the filly move and interacted with her and the dam, finding their dispositions similar. She was incredibly sweet, curious, as well as smart with a natural inclination towards being a people pleaser. She showed a respect for boundaries at 8 months better than I've seen some 8 year olds or even some golden oldies do. Still, was I insane for considering it? Yeah, probably.

After seeing the foal and being able to talk to my mom (who has a motherly sixth sense for when I am getting in over my head) as well as a good friend/instructor/trainer - I made the decision to purchase her and December 6th of 2016, Skye arrived at the barn. With a 2 week quarantine period, I spent a lot of time just hanging out with her and getting to know her. I found that around me, and anyone working with her, she was mindful far exceeding her age - something which has constantly been commented on since. It made me eager to begin working on the basics of barn life and establishing a bond built upon mutual respect and trust. So when quarantine lifted - we went on several property walks and did a few exercises recommended to me by my trainer. We have worked on yielding her hind quarters, overcoming scary plastic water bottles, sheets, picking up all four feet consistently (aka learning her balance), standing for the farrier and being groomed. I have thrown pads on her, introduced her to clippers (though I am not clipping her coat until likely next year), mane pulling, and various other activities she will frequently encounter as she grows up. Unfortunately I have not been able to pony her as Cid isn't the greatest for it - but I hope to do some this winter and spring if all plays out well. Eventually I plan on sending her to a trainer to be started but until then it's the easy stuff and just enjoying her foalhood.

This catches us up to today, actually. I went to the barn to find that she had rubbed off HALF of her mane for a second time. Several inches of new growth had been rubbed to the point it looked like someone had shaved that section clean off. I weighed my options and decided to just roach her. Normally I really don't like the roached look on a horse save for on Fjords and a few drafty-breeds, but it turns out I actually really like how Skye looks with what I jokingly refer to as a "bald head".

Before.

And after.

You'll have to excuse some of the unevenness, I don't have my own personal set of clippers yet so I had to do some Edward Scissorhanding. Up close you can see it but from a distance I don't think I did too bad a job... but I still wouldn't apply at Great Clips anytime soon. I have to say, I am a little excited to see it grow out and have Skye running around with a little mohawk, lol.