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I wasn't going to write this on here but thought I should inform yall that I will be gone for a while. Now before I even start telling yall anything, I want to let you know that this is not a sympathy plea or me asking for help because I'm not. I simply just wanted to inform everyone I will be gone a while.
 
Some of you already know my mom has terminal cancer. I am the one who cares for her and my little brother and sister. I also help on the farm and just got a job. My mom was doing "decent" up until last week. She has become bad enough that at times she is non-coherent and I am having to feed her and give her meds because she can't do it on her own. She also cannot walk on her own and at times cannot walk at all. She has had cancer since I was 6 years old and I am 21 years old now. This is the hardest thing I have ever done is to take care of her this way and watch her slowly go downhill. And know there is nothing I can do about it. She was such a strong woman and worked two jobs just to support me and my older brothers when I was young. She loved to ride and she was and is my dads whole world. At the young age of 35 she was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had to give up the one thing she loved, riding. When she had to stop my dad did because it wasn't fair to her. She has battled this for 15 years. I don't know of anyother person who could have made it this long. Over the years the cancer has spread and would go away for a while and then come back again. It went from colon to lung to brain. They have done endless amounts of surgery and last year we were told there was no more they could do, only to keep her comfortable. My heart breaks again everytime I think about loosing her for good. She was my best friend and I miss her so much in the sense of having someone to share everything with. And it is so hard at 21 years old to take care of all this and try to find a job. Also I never graduated and was wanting to go back and get my GED but I think I will put that on hold for a while. I wish I could bring her back the way she was but I know I can't. And I know this is going to sound really bad but I know when it is time she will be relieved in a way because she is in so much pain now. I'm sorry this got so long I just wanted to get some feelings out. I have held it in so long and I have to constantly hold it together for my siblings.
I will however pop in when I can but she is my main focous right now.

If anyone would like to keep in touch through e-mail pm me and I will give it to you.
 

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I am so sorry to hear about your Mom....I can understand your feelings when you say that she would be relieved from her pain. I lost my Mom to cancer , she has been gone for 2 years. I also saw first hand the terrible toll it took on her body . She lived with cancer for 10 years, very good days and very bad days. I miss her everyday and there are a lot of times that I cry still. She had a love for horses and I am very proud that she introduced me to a wonderful of horses and riding. She was the strongest person that I have ever known and I strive to be like her. Her cool confidence even in the most stressful of times was always amazing to me. I try to be more like that.

My family will pray for you and your family , I know it is hard to stay strong when someone you love so much is in pain and you want to take their pain away from them.
If you ever need someone to talk to , although we do not know each other feel free to Message me anytime. Sometimes it helps just to release your feelings ....
take care....
 

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Awww :(. I am very sorry about your mum and you sound very brave to be doing this for your mum and your siblings. If you ever need to talk to someone feel free to Pm me :)
 

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I'm terribly sorry to hear this. I can't imagine going through what your family has been through. You are a strong woman. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
 

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I'm sorry for the bad news :sad:.

You're a strong, brave young woman. I'll keep you and whole your family in my thoughts.
 

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You are a very strong person. I could never imagine going through this. Sending you positive thoughts.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you all so much... I can come on here while she is asleep and the kids arn't home so I will pop in from time to time but not all the time like I have been.
 

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Really sorry to hear what you are going thru. I can't and won't try to understand what you are going thru, but know the horseforum family will always be here when you feel the time is right to come back.

My prayers are with you, much love.
 

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First of all I want to thank everyone who has posted and who has Pm'd me. I will never be able to thank you all enough for all the kind words and picking my spirit back up. Thanks again.


To update.. I seem to have a little more time. The nurse who comes to see's my mom said it's better if I am able to have some time to myself even if it is on the computer.. So I browse around when I am not doing things with her or the kids.

We have been told with how quickly she has progressed it may not be much longer. But then again she said my mom could make a turn around and be okay. But the way she has been the last week we don't think so. *The nurse is the one telling us and she has been with my mom the last 6 years* She talked with us today about what to do if she does pass and what to look for. It was a very hard conversation. She also had to speak with us about the possiablity's (spelling?) of if we would want to recessitate her (again sorry if my spelling is wrong). We think in the long run with doing that it would be prolonging the inevatable and would actually put her in more pain. As of right now she is in no pain and really isn't "feeling" anything.

I thought I would share to get it off my chest.
 

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i cant imagine how hard this much be for you, you are so brave to help you mum through this. thoughts are with you and your mum x
 
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