Most strippers in real life are not perfectly proportioned. Only on TV are they that way.

 

I would tell him how you feel since it's that important to you. (BTW, what is a fruit and vegetable show?)

 

(BTW, what is a fruit and vegetable show?)

I was wondering that too.

 

I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse but I hope it makes you feel better.

My ex occasionally liked to go to strip clubs (maybe once a month, once every couple of months) and I had no issue with it at all. Actually I went with him a couple of times but that is a different story :wink:

The reason I had no issue is because I really didn't think that I was ever being compared to any of the girls there. Sure most of the strippers had better bodies than me and they definately knew how to shake it (!) but at the end of the day, it is just a show to be enjoyed. It is YOU he is coming home to at the end of it.

So don't ever be concerned about measuring up to someone else, particularly someone else whose body is their income. If you or I depended on our bodies being in tip top shape and had the time to invest in doing so then I am sure we would be as hot as strippers too!!

But the reality is that there are other facets to our lives that consume the time we could possibly otherwise spend making ourselves look irresistable all the time. And it is those other facets that I am sure your boy loves about you.

In my split from my ex it was not a stripper that came between us. It was a plain jane slightly overweight girl from his younger days. At least when guys go to a strip joint, they don't fall in love :wink:

 

Fruit and Veg show, basically they use a variety of fruit and veg to 'pleasure themselves'... nice :/

Sarah, I don't have an issue with them going to a strip club, I wouldn't care less. But it's the private stripper that go into people's houses that I have an issue with. I've heard the stories from other blokes bucks nights around here, and frankly I am revolted. I think it's so degrading to treat a female like a chunk of meat, the things they got up to. The no touching rule does apparently not apply for home strippers so much as club strippers. Doesn't help that his mates are always stirring him up for being 'tied down' now, as he has never held a relationship longer than a couple of months before we met. He's being egged on to 'be single for a night'. I know he won't do anything to hurt our relationship, but I don't know how I'm going to go with getting undressed in front of him after this, with my have sch pathetically little self confidence!

 

I agree with Iride's advice. Talk with him.

 

Sorry that you are going through this. Have you been able to discuss this with your man? Maybe his simple understanding of your issue will help *you*.

Here is a strange thought...have you ever thought of taking pole dancing lessons or something like that? If you can't beat em, join em! *laugh*

 

Ah yes, the private strip shows are a little....different I guess. This will DEFINATELY make you feel better though:

In my experience, strippers that work in strip clubs are pretty hot.

Home strippers are friggin terrible. Not hot, attractive or desireable in any way, perhaps that's why they have to use so many props.

So if it is measuring up to the stripper that you are worried about, you are a beautiful lady and have nothing to worry about! You could give any stripper a run for her money.....literally ha!

If it is the dirty antics that they may get up to, well, as you say you don't think he would do anything to hurt the relationship. If I were you I would go out with the girls for the night, get dressed up, feel good and have a wicked night out with the ladies to take your mind off it.

 

Kayty, I can totally understand how you feel. To be perfectly honest, I would have a huge issue with it. It's completely disrespectful to all of the significant others involved, not to mention the bride to be. Strippers at a club is one thing, but naked private shows in someone's house is totally different. I would definately have a talk with him and explain how you feel. What do you think his reaction would be if you were going to the same type of party?

 

!



Sorry posted at the same time! I really don't think he'd be happy about me going to the same type of party, he gets pretty irritated if I go out with the girl's for a big drinking night out. He knows that I'm pretty sensitive about cheating and such, I've been there before and it absolutely tore me apart.

 

I'm planning on talking to him about it, I'd just like to wait until next week, as we have our 2 year anno coming up on Sunday and have planned a really good couple of days to celebrate. I don't want to spoil that by putting any tension in the air.

Haha well, I must say the thought has crossed my mind, I wouldn't mind doing it for the exercise! As I said, I have no problems with strippers in clubs, dancing and so on. It's the house strippers that I have issues with.

 

Ugh sorry you have to deal with this.
Maybe I am a b!tch, but I would put my foot down and tell my bf/hubby/whatever "no" on going to this. The fruit/veg show is just gross.

 

spooky, I'm very tempted to put my foot down... but I know he'll cop a lot of crap from his mates about it. He plays state league soccer, and they're playing 3 hours drive away on the saturday, then coming back on a mini bus and going straight to the party. So I can't really stop him from going as he has to play. I also don't want to be the restrictive, sour and prude girlfriend that doesn't let him have any fun.
Hopefully sitting him down for a big deep and meaningful about it will get my feelings across to him. He's usually a real gentleman and I'm sure he'll understand, I just worry because I know this soccer trip usually ends up with very drunk players on the way home. You wouldn't think they were in their late 20's sometimes *roll eyes*

 

See, to me...it is showing them the dark side. What life is like with sex and not love. While it is always worrying to have a naked woman in the same room as your man...that woman is there to make a paycheck. Nothing more. You have to trust that your man will make the right decision.

You should really check out the pole dancing classes. They are a ton of fun and very good exercise. I've gone to a few classes with friends and it has always been a blast. I would post pictures but they are only proof that I am not, infact, a stripper...*sad* LOL

 

Well, certainly try to be nice and have a mature conversation about it. However, if he pulls the "its no big deal, and my friends will be mad at me" card. I think you might have to be a bit more forceful about your feelings. I'd go about it in a way that makes him wonder how he would feel if he was in your shoes. 90% of guys would NOT ALLOW their girlfiends to be part of something like that. My fiance and I had many, many, many conversations about this since his friends like to do weekends in Vegas for bachelor parties and I know exactly what goes on. My fiance now gets it, and won't participate in any parties/ trips/ nights out like this anymore...

 

If he gets irate about you going out with the girls, then you have the same right to be irate about this. Actually more so. I do think you should sit down with him and talk to him about it, and if that fails, inform him that you WILL be going out and having a rowdy time with your girlfriends, since it's only fair after all. Let him sweat about what you might get up to, and he may change his tune.

 

I went to the strip show in LV with friend of mine. I didn't have a problem neither did he. Although I have to say I didn't find them to be very sexy - very skinny and no "meat" in "appropriate" places (so nothing to look at).

 

Aww Hun, I'm sorry you are going through this My hope is that the two of you will beable to get through this, and I do agree, that if this bothers you, you most definately should sit down and talk about it with him.

Be honest with him, express your feelings. That's what relationships are about right? Communication and honesty. Least I hope so :P

 

How do the other woman feel about this? Maybe you are not alone with your feelings.

 

I have never heard of the fruit and vegetable thing. That is just weird.
Kind of like live porn video it sounds like.

I can not say I would like my husband going to a party with that where there will also be too much drinking so correct decision are even far less likely to happen.

 

I've attended two of these parties with a significant other, and they are like live porn. These girls make money off of selling a fantasy. I think it's note worthy that the party was okay, but the directly related aftermath was horrible and the most painful thing I've ever been through. But it had nothing to do with me feeling like I didn't measure up to these girls, and had everything to do with unfaithfulness.

I go to strip clubs on occasion now (it is fun with friends), and it doesn't have ill effects on my relationship. I don't think guys measure us against other women (unless they are jerks!). They may see a beautiful woman, but that doesn't make us any less beautiful. If that is the concern you have, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your boyfriend is attracted to you because you are you, which is something no other woman has.

I don't really have any suggestions except what's already been said, talk to him about your concerns, and if he does go, go do something fun with your friends so you won't be sitting there thinking about it.

 

Strippers and strip shows don't bother me. I don't have trust issues with Bobby and have always been a little over confident. I get where everyone is coming from but to me, watching a stripper is just watching someone do their job. *shrug*

 

Well, guess I am a bit different-it has been my experience over the years that if I give my hubby my blessing to do what ever it is (yes, strippers included) one of 2 things happen. (a) he decides he really doesn't want to go or (b)he is home early, usually saying how his friend's wife ....... (either wouldn;t let him, bitched all night, etc) and how they all love me and wish their wives were like me. :wink:

I learned this behavior in college-when he had no less than 3 women at a time. I decided to be friends with all of them.:wink: somehow-they were then less attractive.

We also share our honesty with our kids.(they are all 20 somethings) Shoot-one of the things we HAD to do over new years-the live sex show in Amsterdam (netherlands). A total of 11 of us... And yes-audience participation is common. As long as you know before you go in-you are fine. Sit on your hands, and don't look at the banana woman. lol Oh-and wash your hands upon leaving.....
We have been married 32 years this year.
Good luck.

 

I work will all men, and we are not in a politically correct office, so the comments fly. All the guys here are married, and they all love their wives, but half of them can't complete a sentence if they see a hot chick on one of the tv's in our room. It's just how they're wired. I realize you're concerned about it, but just know that most of them do that stuff simply because there is a real live woman shaking her junk in their faces. None of them want to marry or even sleep with the stripper, but they'll sit there all day to watch that particular show without ever reaching for the remote control. Maybe have a girl's night out or in party while he's out to offset the anxiety you're feeling.

 

Thankyou everyone for the comments, I'm feeling much better about it now. I've spoken to a couple of the others girls and a few are feeling the same way that I am, mainly knowing that that particular group of blokes together seem to bounce off each other and it ends up being a 'who is the toughest, manliest man here' contest.
I've sent him off on end of season soccer trips, they usually go interstate and it's a huge piss up, strip clubs would not surprise me. Of course sending him off worries me, but he calls me every night and is really the most sensible of them all.
Just the thought of a stripper coming to a private home where anything can go down kind of freaks me out.

Having a night out with the girl's sounds like a good idea, but I'm competing the next day so can't have a big one... I'm sure I'll find something to keep my mind off things. Busy myself with learning tests or something!!

 

K, while I have never been there, I can sympathize. Reading your post made MY gut rot, I can imagine how you feel.
I agree with there being a difference watching a strip show on a stage, and hiring a girl for a private house party.
I think that if these guys are much over the age of 21, it is in very poor taste, and very disrespectful to their spouses.
I think that the more decent guys, like your husband, will actually be turned off by the whole thing once it actually happens. Sexy can turn into skanky very quickly, especially when produce is involved, lol. Yuck.
I would certainly not forbid him to go, Franknbeans knows what she is talking about on that front.
The night of the party, definitely go out and do Something, so you are not sitting around alone thinking about what may or may not be happening.
I think this sort of thing is a much bigger deal for women than it is for men, and if you trust your husband, then just try to put it out of your head.
Although you could mention that one of your friends is thinking about hiring a male stripper for her birthday party...

 

I personaly wouldnt worry about it. Tell him how you feel, make it known you are unhappy about the fact that it is a private showing (and the fruit thing yuck!) but that you would be fine with it if it was a club. Make it clear that you trust him to be faithful but that the very idea makes you uncomfortable.

Do NOT forbid him to go.

Learn to love yourself. You are who you are physical flaws and all and obviously he is very attracted to YOU so he must see something beautiful.
If it helps take lessons in dancing (pole dancing is actualy very good for toning muscles).

I used to have HUGE body image issues, I do mean huge ones to the point where I had councelling and was offered cosmetic surgery by the NHS because the issues were causing my mental harm (and believe me getting offered it on the NHS is very very difficult).

I went and saw a councellor about it but the biggest thing that helped was my boyfriend at the time, yes he did all the lad stuff (strip clubs with his mates, prorn on his laptop or the TV etc) but he always returned to me and actualy kept pointing out that he prefered ME over those girls. I also had a proffessional makeover and photo shoot done and that was a HUGE confidence booser.

He was such a confidence boost that I never actualy had the surgery and infact am now very very confident in how I look.

Can you isolate what part of you it is that you dont like? what makes you upset and what was it that you didnt want him to see (and hence the lights off situation)?

Mine was my boobs, to put it bluntly mine are huge to the point where I pay in excess of £80 per bra and generaly have to have bras made to measure, there is one store in the entire of the UK who cater to my size. unfortunatly this size has made them droopy well before the age where they should head south.
I am a UK size 8 in trousers(which to give you an idea is generaly the smallest size available in stores, finding a size 6 is a nightmare) I wear a UK size 14 top just to get over my bust.

I have learnt to love my bust and a good bra has certainly helped I'm sure you can learn to love your flaws too.