[Alwaysbehind]

I have never heard of the fruit and vegetable thing. That is just weird.
Kind of like live porn video it sounds like.

I can not say I would like my husband going to a party with that where there will also be too much drinking so correct decision are even far less likely to happen.

 

[ptvintage]

I've attended two of these parties with a significant other, and they are like live porn. These girls make money off of selling a fantasy. I think it's note worthy that the party was okay, but the directly related aftermath was horrible and the most painful thing I've ever been through. But it had nothing to do with me feeling like I didn't measure up to these girls, and had everything to do with unfaithfulness.

I go to strip clubs on occasion now (it is fun with friends), and it doesn't have ill effects on my relationship. I don't think guys measure us against other women (unless they are jerks!). They may see a beautiful woman, but that doesn't make us any less beautiful. If that is the concern you have, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your boyfriend is attracted to you because you are you, which is something no other woman has.

I don't really have any suggestions except what's already been said, talk to him about your concerns, and if he does go, go do something fun with your friends so you won't be sitting there thinking about it.

 

[TaMMa89]

Would there be any way to find a some kind of compromise which would allow him to participate and make you to feel ok with the thing?

I would tell him how you feel since it's that important to you. (BTW, what is a fruit and vegetable show?)

I'd suggest that too. Besides that it makes the thing "open". Most of times those repressed feelings will find their way out some way and it might isn't that creative for the relationship. So nice to hear that you're going to talk with him, no matter even there will be a compromise or not.

If he goes, you should be ok to go too if you just feel that way. I think the idea about girls' night out is a good one .

 

[corinowalk]

Strippers and strip shows don't bother me. I don't have trust issues with Bobby and have always been a little over confident. I get where everyone is coming from but to me, watching a stripper is just watching someone do their job. *shrug*

 

[franknbeans]

Well, guess I am a bit different-it has been my experience over the years that if I give my hubby my blessing to do what ever it is (yes, strippers included) one of 2 things happen. (a) he decides he really doesn't want to go or (b)he is home early, usually saying how his friend's wife ....... (either wouldn;t let him, bitched all night, etc) and how they all love me and wish their wives were like me. :wink:

I learned this behavior in college-when he had no less than 3 women at a time. I decided to be friends with all of them.:wink: somehow-they were then less attractive.

We also share our honesty with our kids.(they are all 20 somethings) Shoot-one of the things we HAD to do over new years-the live sex show in Amsterdam (netherlands). A total of 11 of us... And yes-audience participation is common. As long as you know before you go in-you are fine. Sit on your hands, and don't look at the banana woman. lol Oh-and wash your hands upon leaving.....
We have been married 32 years this year.
Good luck.

 

[MyBoyPuck]

I work will all men, and we are not in a politically correct office, so the comments fly. All the guys here are married, and they all love their wives, but half of them can't complete a sentence if they see a hot chick on one of the tv's in our room. It's just how they're wired. I realize you're concerned about it, but just know that most of them do that stuff simply because there is a real live woman shaking her junk in their faces. None of them want to marry or even sleep with the stripper, but they'll sit there all day to watch that particular show without ever reaching for the remote control. Maybe have a girl's night out or in party while he's out to offset the anxiety you're feeling.

 

[Kayty]

Thankyou everyone for the comments, I'm feeling much better about it now. I've spoken to a couple of the others girls and a few are feeling the same way that I am, mainly knowing that that particular group of blokes together seem to bounce off each other and it ends up being a 'who is the toughest, manliest man here' contest.
I've sent him off on end of season soccer trips, they usually go interstate and it's a huge piss up, strip clubs would not surprise me. Of course sending him off worries me, but he calls me every night and is really the most sensible of them all.
Just the thought of a stripper coming to a private home where anything can go down kind of freaks me out.

Having a night out with the girl's sounds like a good idea, but I'm competing the next day so can't have a big one... I'm sure I'll find something to keep my mind off things. Busy myself with learning tests or something!!

 

[Skipsfirstspike]

K, while I have never been there, I can sympathize. Reading your post made MY gut rot, I can imagine how you feel.
I agree with there being a difference watching a strip show on a stage, and hiring a girl for a private house party.
I think that if these guys are much over the age of 21, it is in very poor taste, and very disrespectful to their spouses.
I think that the more decent guys, like your husband, will actually be turned off by the whole thing once it actually happens. Sexy can turn into skanky very quickly, especially when produce is involved, lol. Yuck.
I would certainly not forbid him to go, Franknbeans knows what she is talking about on that front.
The night of the party, definitely go out and do Something, so you are not sitting around alone thinking about what may or may not be happening.
I think this sort of thing is a much bigger deal for women than it is for men, and if you trust your husband, then just try to put it out of your head.
Although you could mention that one of your friends is thinking about hiring a male stripper for her birthday party...

 

[faye]

I personaly wouldnt worry about it. Tell him how you feel, make it known you are unhappy about the fact that it is a private showing (and the fruit thing yuck!) but that you would be fine with it if it was a club. Make it clear that you trust him to be faithful but that the very idea makes you uncomfortable.

Do NOT forbid him to go.

Learn to love yourself. You are who you are physical flaws and all and obviously he is very attracted to YOU so he must see something beautiful.
If it helps take lessons in dancing (pole dancing is actualy very good for toning muscles).

I used to have HUGE body image issues, I do mean huge ones to the point where I had councelling and was offered cosmetic surgery by the NHS because the issues were causing my mental harm (and believe me getting offered it on the NHS is very very difficult).

I went and saw a councellor about it but the biggest thing that helped was my boyfriend at the time, yes he did all the lad stuff (strip clubs with his mates, prorn on his laptop or the TV etc) but he always returned to me and actualy kept pointing out that he prefered ME over those girls. I also had a proffessional makeover and photo shoot done and that was a HUGE confidence booser.

He was such a confidence boost that I never actualy had the surgery and infact am now very very confident in how I look.

Can you isolate what part of you it is that you dont like? what makes you upset and what was it that you didnt want him to see (and hence the lights off situation)?

Mine was my boobs, to put it bluntly mine are huge to the point where I pay in excess of £80 per bra and generaly have to have bras made to measure, there is one store in the entire of the UK who cater to my size. unfortunatly this size has made them droopy well before the age where they should head south.
I am a UK size 8 in trousers(which to give you an idea is generaly the smallest size available in stores, finding a size 6 is a nightmare) I wear a UK size 14 top just to get over my bust.

I have learnt to love my bust and a good bra has certainly helped I'm sure you can learn to love your flaws too.

 

[Kayty]

Thanks Faye, you worded that exactly how I would like to put it to him. That it's not a trust issue, its just that I feel very uncomfortable with the thought of him watching those girl's do their thing, even if it is just for a paycheck.

I'm sorry to hear that you had such low self confidence, I'm certainly not to the point that you were, but I guess the usual female issue of not liking what you see in the mirror. Pin pointed to my super short, stumpy legs and big thighs/backside. This is a genetic thing, obviously my legs are not going to grow, I'm a little bit old for the growing upwards now! I run, I ride, I do a lot of strength training, so I'm not big in the thighs and bum because I'm overweight, it's just how I am unfortunately and I have to accept that. Doesn't help being a dressage rider, competing and training will long legged, stick thin, no bummed riders... but hey, I have to be proud of what I've achieved as I'm right up there with them when it comes to results, I just have to work that bit harder with my short leggies!

 

[sarahver]

You are probably going to hate me for saying this but I am insanely jealous of girls with more feminine curves. Not to mention my intense jealousy of girls that are under 5'5, oh to wear heels and not look like I have stepped out of the Amazon with a sword in my belt ready to tackle foreign tribes.

So while you might look at other girls wishing you had certain physical attributes that they do, rest assured that there are probably many other girls looking at you wishing they had yours

Love the skin you're in girl!

Best of luck.

 

[Kayty]

Haha Sarah, I guess we always want what we don't have! I like having curves, I've got the hourglass figure going on, at least my boobs match my bum so I'm not a pear! It's just a bit annoying when you have a judges comment on your test under rider marks saying that you need to ride with a flatter back as your lower back is curved.... erm... no actually, I am VERY much so on my seat bones, that stuff out the back is in fact, just my booty that has no where else to go :S

 

[sarahver]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Oh that cracked me up! Nothin wrong with a lil junk in your trunk!!!

 

[AlexS]

Kayty, I read this earlier and have been considering my thoughts before responding.

Honestly I think what I want to say to you is that your guy sees attractive beautiful women every day. All of our guys do. And yet they come back to us every night, happily.

If your only issue is your own confidence, then stop worrying, he already shows you every day that he wants to be with you.

 

[Kayty]

haha shut up Sarah :P That would have to have been the most awkward comment I've ever had on a test!!!!

Alex, very very true. He's a tradey and a state league soccer player (goal keeper), with dark hair, blue eyes and is very muscly. I'm sure he'd bump into women pretty regularly that think he's 'a bit of alright', but he's been very faithful and a really genuine man that spoils me to death. I am extremely lucky to have him, he has helped me so much with my confidence issues, since meeting him I have been much better in all situations where self confidence is needed. He is the only person that has ever made me feel beautiful and genuinely loved. Growing up my parents and I always clashed, and my mum is the first person who will point out my flaws and compare to others, at least once a week I hear from her that she wishes I was more like my cousins, and I have disapointed her because I did not go into the medical field as she and my dad did.
My partner is therefore, the only person who has truely loved me for me, is not with me for money, careers etc. He just plain out loves me and I can't thank him enough for that

 

[AlexS]

Then you solved your own problem and have nothing to worry about.

He will not think less of you when he comes home, and he will not do something that he should not do. He loves you.

 

[TKButtermilk]

So I kept thinking about this and how I would feel if this were me, and I personally would let my feelings be known but in the end it would be his choice and I'd just have to be okay with it. So I asked my boyfriend what he would do if he was invited to something like that. He said he'd take me with him, which is a little awkward. Then a few minutes later he said "if I wanted to see some girl masterbate a cantaloupe I'd just go to Mexico".
Ohh do I love that boy

Every relationship works differently, just make sure yours is working however is best for you. Just because I wouldn't mind him going (because I feel like I don't want to hold him back? Idk that's how I talk myself into things I don't like haha) doesn't mean you should be okay with it too. If you aren't comfortable then you should make your feelings known. I'm sure he would rather know than not. And I'm also sure his buddies are jealous that he has you to come home to, hence annoying him about it.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[faye]

I too like having curves but when I was as my lowest I hated my boobs with a passion compounded by the fact that I put on weight whilst at uni.
Currently at just under 10stone (140lbs) I am a GG cup (uk system) so you can probably take a guess at just how big I was when I was 2 stone heavier (28lbs).

I was so unhappy that major surgery to remove 60% of the tissue from each breast was actualy very very appealing!

Self confidence and body image can be worked on and improved! you can do it

I'm only 5ft3 but I actulay like my legs, I dont like my bum but very few women do and I just make sure I dress to hide it!

 

[Alwaysbehind]

Alex, love our posts here. Listen to Alex.

 

[drafts4ever]

I haven't read the whole post but I'm going to come from an off angle.
I'm a stripper. I have friends who are strippers and when we do home shows there is still a no touching rule either sit on your hands or we will hold them for you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We met in college and he didn't know I was a stripper until we were already dating and I told him. Luckily he's not huge on stripclubs but knowing the girls I've worked with and the environment I still get uncomfortable with him going to clubs so he doesn't.
Home strippers can be all kinds but from my experience when we were hired for home parties even if it's a dirty dirty dancer if the customer says no then She has an obligation not to push it. If there are dirty girls at this party and he says no she has to respect that or lose her job.
I don't know where you are or what agency they might be hiring from but if you found out through him check the website and look at the girls. 9/10 times they aren't the tv pornstar sexy lady the media makes these girls out to be and remember all girls have something they don't like about themselves.
For example every time I was giving a lap dance I was hoping I didn't fart on my customer. Lapdances with strangers made me gassy and nervous. My mind was fr from turning him on. It was I hope I don't fart or I hope he doesn't smell that. Seriously.

Be upfront about your worries to him and let him know how you feel. Trusting him is a huge thing and if you believe he won't mess up don't subthink that he will. Or at least try not to. I know this is a horrible feeling.