It took me until the day before my parents sold my pony (23 years ago) to finally have to confidence to open him up and run. I trained that pony myself, and yet there was just something about speed that scared me. I don't think there was much that anyone could have done to help, either. I had to decide on my own that I was ready, and when I finally did, OMG IT WAS AWESOME!!! She may never want to run, but if she ever truly does, she will.
Kathy

 

Thank you for your input.

I hope she can let go of her fear and just let loose, i remember when i first started reining, the adrenaline rush became an addiction. I think she sees the fun other people have doing these kind of disciplines and she wants to join in that excitement to. I just don't put pressure on her because im afraid it will back fire.

 

For an entire year I paid for lessons where my daughter cried while mounting, at 11. She was scared, and openly admitted it, but was dying to ride.
I then put it all in her hands. We acquired a rescue horse, and she poured all her fears into that horse. I made that horse HERS, feeding, cleaning, groundwork training, and continued lessons on her schoolmaster barn pony. As her confidence grew of her own accord, her fears died. One day I looked out, and she was cantering circles and jumping a small jump, the child who had been crying. NOW, 2 years later, she's cantering that green rescue horse, jumping her and telling her how it's gonna be!! Long story short, it's up to her to own it, put the tools there, and give her the responsibility. It will come or she just doesn't want it bad enough.
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It really sounds like to me that your daughters only interest in horses is for social reason. I absolutely would not buy her another horse. If anything at all, I would do lessons.

I am also concerned about the message you are sending your daughter. When she got tired of her wp horse and quit riding, you basically paid someone else to do it. Kids need to learn to take responsibility for their animals. When your daughter did not have her friend at 4h, she completely left her horse. If I were you, I'd make your daughter start coming to the barn and taking care of her horse. Animals are not dispensable and your daughter needs to learn that. If your daughter had to clean up after her horse, feed and ride the horse even when it wasn't a social engagement, I think she would have a whole different attitude.

Make her clean her stall, clean, groom and ride her horse. You will see a different attitude.

 

I do not disagree, i just thought with her being so young it was vital she social with people interested in her riding discipline. I do feel like she thinks mom is some kind of a black portal of never ending money she can just spend and spend every time she wants something new. I wasn't raised spoiled, and i had to work for everything i got, i guess i just wanted my children to enjoy what i never got to, in the end it might be getting out of control. Don't get me wrong, she isn't a bad child, but she is really shy, and emotional. So i just kind of lean in to her ways sometimes, however i made it clear were not going to see any horses to purchase. My husband just keeps poking the lion with this situation, and makes crude jokes about how her 8 year old brother can ride better than her, it really does not help anything :-x

 

It sounds like she gets to do whatever she wants, and doesnt see a horse as an animal but rather a thing, I would start with barrel lessons to see if she has got what it takes and go from there. I dont like the fact that she gets to go through horses like they are nothing. I work my butt off to get my first horse at 16 and that is all i wanted. What happens once she gets her licence, is she still going to want a horse still?? It sounds like she wants to do speed events because other kids do. What happens when they quit those too...

 

Then you end up with a barrel horse you have just purchased. She isnt happy with what she is getting, that would have not gone over good with my parents back in the day

 

My parents would be the same way, you got what you got back in my day. My mother (her grandmother) thinks she needs therapy because she is to shy and very sensitive. I thought joining 4h and making friends would help her break out of that, in which it did some what.

 

Ohhhh they hubby shouldnt say that to his daughter that isnt helping at all, thats probably why she want to do speed events in the first place! Sounds like a girl i know, they just got a horse and everything and she isnt even grateful for it, she is already thing about her future barrel horse (may i remind you she is 13) and she cant even slow gallop on her WP mare she has, who has a rocking chair lope

 

Its great she met a friend but its sad that her friend is leaving soon, i think 4-h is a great thing for younger kids to be in!

 

I believe 4-h is wonderful for children as well, but when she did western pleasure a lot of the kids were snobby to her, and she just kind of shuts down. I don't know how to help her make friends .

 

Maybe seeing a thearipist would be a good thing? Its not just for crazy people, maybe she just needs to get somethings out?

 

Im not against the idea, i just don't know how to approach her about it. Do i just set up an appointment and tell her shes going no matter what??

 

I'm 13, I used to think to be told that you can only have certain horse for certain disciplines. HA! I laugh at that now as that was 4 years ago. I bought my first horse as an 8 year old(now 12) and she was trained under saddle and had some experience. I completed her training. And now she does ALL western disciplines(halter-to cutting you name it) and has done some level 1, 2 dressage. I have met many girls, my age, who have wanted horses only for social purposes and to 'make them look good'. I have NEVER had that outlook. I want horses for a career. It sounds as though your daughter is taking control. I agree COMPLETELY that she needs to take responsibility. I groom, ride, and take FULL care of my baby, Charm. And my dad's horse, Boston, as he is out of town for several months. I would suggest not getting her another horse at all, if she wants another horse make HER train it like I did mine. There are good all around horses out there you know, take mine for example, she never refuses anything. It would bring your daughter a lot closer to horses. Good luck!

 

I do not disagree, I just thought with her being so young it was vital she social with people interested in her riding discipline. I do feel like she thinks mom is some kind of a black portal of never ending money she can just spend and spend every time she wants something new. I wasn't raised spoiled, and I had to work for everything I got, I guess I just wanted my children to enjoy what I never got to, in the end it might be getting out of control. Don't get me wrong, she isn't a bad child, but she is really shy, and emotional. So I just kind of lean in to her ways sometimes, however I made it clear were not going to see any horses to purchase. My husband just keeps poking the lion with this situation, and makes crude jokes about how her 8 year old brother can ride better than her, it really does not help anything :-x

What bothers me more than her thinking that you are the never ending money supply is that she sees horses as objects. I understand that you want her to enjoy the social aspect of horses. I really think you mean well. However, she has a far more important lesson that needs learning. She needs to learn that animals are living beings and must be cared for no matter what. Make her get out there and clean stalls, feed and water. Make her ride her horse for the sole purpose of giving him exercise.

When she understands that horses are living beings that cannot be disposed of and knows that she will have to care for the horse even when she tires of it, then she will be able to better tell you whether she wants another horse or not.

 

She never stopped grooming her or paying attention to her, she just stopped riding her. Basically, she feels like its no longer fun to ride her mare, so then we started back up lessons, and then when spring started coming she started riding my husbands gelding. Normally she doesn't get a lot of lessons, because 1. i can teach her riding from my 30 years experience, and 2. at this point there just repeating what shes already been told and knows how to do, shes just not applying it. My daughter does know how to ride, she just cuts herself short, and whenever i try and help her by pushing her a bit she gets really emotional.

 

sadly you daughter sounds like a spoiled princess

 

I think you should talk to her and explain that its not a bad thing its for the better that she talks to someone, and when she is in there they thearipst can get in to the horses talk with her, i wouldnt go buying anymore horses thought haha, there is no reason she cant use the horses you already have

 

I agree w sandy2, I would not give her another horse if she neglected to care for and ride the first. Its either a passion, or it is not.

 

She isn't getting a new horse, she may look all she wants, but neither me nor my husband plan on taking her to view any of them. The only reason were selling her mare is, its not the horses fault, shes a good horse and a superb show horse. I don't ride western pleasure, and i won't let this good girl waste because my daughter may have got bored with her. Im sure another child or adult would love to enjoy what my daughter no longer does.

 

Wow, while I must say it's a little crazy to just buy her whatever she wants I also think it's crazy to just jump in and say she's a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants..15 is a tough age, and if she's trying to stick with her friends or make new friends by switching disciplines so what? If she has to WANT to do it and work for it, I see it as character building. It would suck to be the only crazed hormonal teenage girl who is already having some confidence issues, and she's just trying to fit in and keep up with her friends...Do you blame her?

That said, I think she just needs a dose of self confidence...Dad needs to stop picking on her and encourage her.. You both need to basically say "For us to get serious with you about running barrels you're going to get serious also, you can't expect us to pay for the horse and all of the things you're going to need and you just sit by. You have to get over this hump and try harder.." Honestly, it will probably benefit her to fall one time..Once that fear is gone and she gets back on she'll be a MUCH better rider..The ground isn't as hard as she's made it seem to herself.. Don't baby her, make her do it.. and if she wants to stop WP I would tell her, in order to have a barrel horse, "you need to sale your WP horse. The money you have from your WP horse will go towards your barrel horse, but for us to take the barrels seriously, you have to show us you're serious."

Don't tell her how dangerous it can be over and over again..She knows, but as soon as she gets scared and tries to close up. MAKE her push through it..She'll probably cry a good bit..but it is SOOO much better and easier on you all to buy a finished horse who already knows his job. She'll just get frustrated with the whole deal riding a horse who doesn't know what it's doing and she's a beginner also. That said, a finished barrel horse doesn't have to be old or near retirement..There are other horses out there who are suitable for a beginner who are great confidence builders...

The biggest piece of advice I can give you both is to make her push through that fear, even if you have to get harsh with her. That will make her push harder..MAKE HER WORK FOR IT. Let her groom, clean stalls, work around the barn..The whole deal..She isn't a princess and has to do her share.

While some young riders may be successful with training their own horse, a 15 year old with confidence issues is NOT capable of training her own horse, much less for barrels.

This coming from a serious barrel racer who went through that same stage and lack of confidence.. You can PM me if you like, I'd love to talk to her.

 

Wow, while I must say it's a little crazy to just buy her whatever she wants I also think it's crazy to just jump in and say she's a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants..15 is a tough age, and if she's trying to stick with her friends or make new friends by switching disciplines so what? If she has to WANT to do it and work for it, I see it as character building. It would suck to be the only crazed hormonal teenage girl who is already having some confidence issues, and she's just trying to fit in and keep up with her friends...Do you blame her?

That said, I think she just needs a dose of self confidence...Dad needs to stop picking on her and encourage her.. You both need to basically say "For us to get serious with you about running barrels you're going to get serious also, you can't expect us to pay for the horse and all of the things you're going to need and you just sit by. You have to get over this hump and try harder.." Honestly, it will probably benefit her to fall one time..Once that fear is gone and she gets back on she'll be a MUCH better rider..The ground isn't as hard as she's made it seem to herself.. Don't baby her, make her do it.. and if she wants to stop WP I would tell her, in order to have a barrel horse, "you need to sale your WP horse. The money you have from your WP horse will go towards your barrel horse, but for us to take the barrels seriously, you have to show us you're serious."

Don't tell her how dangerous it can be over and over again..She knows, but as soon as she gets scared and tries to close up. MAKE her push through it..She'll probably cry a good bit..but it is SOOO much better and easier on you all to buy a finished horse who already knows his job. She'll just get frustrated with the whole deal riding a horse who doesn't know what it's doing and she's a beginner also. That said, a finished barrel horse doesn't have to be old or near retirement..There are other horses out there who are suitable for a beginner who are great confidence builders...

The biggest piece of advice I can give you both is to make her push through that fear, even if you have to get harsh with her. That will make her push harder..MAKE HER WORK FOR IT. Let her groom, clean stalls, work around the barn..The whole deal..She isn't a princess and has to do her share.

While some young riders may be successful with training their own horse, a 15 year old with confidence issues is NOT capable of training her own horse, much less for barrels.

Thank you for your input.

I see from your picture it looks like you ride barrels yourself, i will admit, im afraid to push her. Incase she does fall off, or just gives up on horses all together because moms going to just bully her. My husband isn't grasping the fact that she has low self esteem, oh and believe me, she cries plenty, and i hardly push her. I think the toughest i've ever been on her is telling her she can't hang out with her friend for a week if she didn't try galloping under saddle. The thing is, she has galloped before, and hasn't fallen off. So im just not understanding why shes afraid, how can you fear what hasn't even happened??

 

You either have the horse gene or you dont, your daughter sounds like she has no interest

 

Thank you for the link DrumRunner, i will certainly read it over! I feel the same way, i was surprised to say the least when she jumped from wp to barrel racing.

Missy May, i honestly didn't look at it from that point of view. Your right, horses have big one of the biggest parts of my life since i was young. I grew up riding, and i wanted my kids to share in that passion. Maybe she isn't riding to her full potential, because maybe she just doesn't want to ride at all. Certainly something worth discussing with my daughter.

 

You're welcome.. Just have a nice long talk with her. Ask her what her goals are and what she wants to accomplish running barrels. Then jump in the "Well hun, you've got to show me some commitment and toughen up."

 

i was the same with my moms horse i bought her, hes a little 3 year old very well broke. and about 14.2hhish, paint mustang. hes a bit spooky and takes a bit to get him listening and i desided to take him to a show this weekend without even bothering even cantering him much before hand. even though 6 years ago when i was 11 i was galloping my 16hh QH that took all my strength to get to stop, go, turn in feilds. and on my friends barrel horses that were well trained but i just couldnt get myself to get him going faster then a trot. but now that i did get him cantering and almost galloping i wanna do it more but it rained today so i didnt.

sorry if i ranted, it just took me a while even thought my other horses ive galloped and gotten on an ex tb not knowing when he was last rode bareback, he was 35+ years and fine but you never know, ive gotten on horses that never been rode before and yet never wanted to canter my moms horse even though hes the smallest horse we've owned and i have a 16.3+hh paint in training that will be my barrel horse.

could she ride her friends horse that would be easy to ride? i know thats how i started on my friend little paso that was very easy to ride in games. i started my own horse i started slow on barrels and started to get faster and faster at it.

sorry if this doesnt help.

 

Wow, while I must say it's a little crazy to just buy her whatever she wants I also think it's crazy to just jump in and say she's a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants..15 is a tough age, and if she's trying to stick with her friends or make new friends by switching disciplines so what? If she has to WANT to do it and work for it, I see it as character building. It would suck to be the only crazed hormonal teenage girl who is already having some confidence issues, and she's just trying to fit in and keep up with her friends...Do you blame her?

Read more: http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/cant-understand-my-daughter-116968/page3/#ixzz0QXPcCL16
You don't think this is a kid that gets everything she wants, but mom pretty much paid someone to ride her personal horse? A horse she was riding herself and using in 4h. lol. I'm a parent. I will tell you one thing, that is completely unacceptable. She is completely capable of riding her current horse, but is bored with her and chooses not to. I really could care less bout the advancement at this point. First and foremost, this kid needs to learn that horses are living being and not disposable.
​

 

I do understand that paying somebody else to ride her horse is ridiculous, but i can not force my daughter to ride. The horse is for sale for that very reason, if shes not going to ride her horse, then she needs a new home. However, i kept her over the winter and in shape under saddle, incase my daughter decided to just stick with wp.

 

I think thats my daughters problem, she really doesn't set up goals. When she started wp, she didn't have a goal in mind, or a certain point she wanted to get to in that discipline. Basically, it was just a lets see where this goes. I think i need to sit her down and plan out some long term realistic goals, not just her lets go with the flow until it gets boring. My husbands gelding does the pattern, but he doesn't get around the barrels very tightly (i dont know how to word that, my apologies). So i told her not to do anything past a trot or slow canter, since he just kind of goes around the barrel. Im not sure how to phrase it.

 

I'm not trying to disagree with you Sandy, I'm adding over points of view..One that I know all too well.. I went through that phase with a severe lack of confidence and I have five little sisters..

I agree, making those goals with her is a lot of help..I would also set small goals for herself..When you have that one big goal it seems like it's forever away and you can get discouraged. Make small goals that when she reaches them she'll get more confident and think that she's accomplished something.

 

All I'll say is that I have a 14 year old daughter who enjoys trotting no stirrups and no reins, but does NOT want to canter. So? She doesn't canter. If she doesn't care, why should I?

The daughter of the trainer I've worked with did 4 H and riding and barrel racing, and when she was 15, IIRC, she stopped riding. Now she does it once in a while - once in a great while. Oh well. Kids...

 

Hi, I think you really want your daughter to enjoy the things you and your husband love and you don't want to make it hard for her, or she might just not want to at all. I got involved in horses because my daughter wanted one and we didn't know anything about them but we gave it a shot. I'm totally into them but she is not, its a lot of work and its scary and she is just not up to it. I think your doing the right thing in not getting her a barrel horse, if she really wants this she will make do with what you have to offer right now. I wasn't into horses when I was younger I just tagged along with my sister, so she wouldn't get hurt. It's now my obsession. You have provided her with a lot of memories to look back on fondly and maybe one day she will get her own horse and appreciate it.

 

Sheesh, kids!
I think the things I wanted most as a kid I had to work and beg hard for. So first off I would send her to a clinic with a bunch of other girls and see how she does. Maybe the competition will get her going. Hopefully there will be a sane horse she can ride there? If she can't hack it or feels inferior she'll probably drop the issue.
My parents were huge into music so there was a ton of pressure to get me going in band... well that lasted all of 2 seconds! I was really good at it, won all kinds of awards, but hated it. What I was best at was horses but they didn't have the passion to help me excell so I got a horse in the backyard that I rode the tar out of, but never did anything more than trail riding when I was young... If only.

Is there something else she's interested in? Sport, or hobby? She is getting ready to be 16 so get ready for a life change, boys, cars, music...
Have you had her run poles? Maybe that will get her going in the right direction with the horse she's using now?

 

Can you "borrow" or lease an appropriate beginner's barrel horse from someone? Then your daughter will have to either get into barrel racing, galloping and all (which would make her a more confident rider) or realize that barrel racing is not what she wants to do.

It wouldn't have to be a really talented horse, just a horse that knows how to do the pattern to see if your daughter wants to stick with it.

Maybe I am sympathetic because I am one of those folks that gets emotional myself, but maybe she is truly scared, not spoiled as everyone assumes. Maybe she really would like to barrel race but her fear is holding her back.

If she could try it out for a few months or whatever, then she would either prosper and improve her riding skills or decide barrels isn't for her.

I don't think pushing is going to help. I know if someone pushes me, I kind of balk and refuse to do whatever it is they think I should do. Fear is something you kind of have to overcome on your own. If her peers are now barrel racers, then maybe an appropriate friend will help her gain confidence and overcome her fears.